a lot of what i've said here if not all (the serious stuff) has been influenced by her. we fell in love she cheated on me which i forgave her for the guy was an asshole and practically raped her http://www.detonate.net/ubb/Forum12/HTML/000007.html as far as i'm concerned and then went around pretending to be people on aim and taking the piss out of me in very subtle ways. after she got rid of him he went back to my gurls best freind for a while (cos they were going out originally) then she got wise and dumped him. well things were getting back to "normal" we were never normal http://www.detonate.net/ubb/Forum6/HTML/000286.html http://www.detonate.net/ubb/Forum1/HTML/000747.html.
http://www.detonate.net/ubb/Forum1/HTML/000647.htmlthats what i loved about her so much we never really talked about anything normal (not until the end when i could tell she had changed) then her grandma died. oh yeah i forgot to mention that cos her dad beats her up and the thing with the cheating she nearly killed herself http://www.detonate.net/ubb/Forum1/HTML/000563.html . so grandma dies and the funeral means i'm gonna miss her for valentines day http://www.detonate.net/ubb/Forum1/HTML/000566.html . she comes back and it dtarts to get even worse from there. she hasnt forgiven herself for what she did so our communication fades. then the older boys she hangs around with sometimes ( which i dont mind cos i trust/ed her) start to get her into heavy drinking and hard drugs http://www.detonate.net/ubb/Forum6/HTML/000221.html not just weed. (shes only 16 by the way). now i realise that this is because the older guys obviously want more from her than she realises. and on the day today that i phone her up she's out. later shes on aim and sends me a picture of her and ends it cos shes changed too much which she did but not due to her due to the amount of peopel fucking her over in the past 11 months of our relationship and before i met her. theres only so much that i can protect her from and i feel like shit cos i couldnt do enuff to help her. shes strong but i know that without me she would've been dead by now and i'm grateful for being able to do that for her. out of everything i can find some comfort in that. those bastards have drained the spark out of my love and thats what hurts me the most that without all the crap she had to endure or relationship might've survived.

i wouldnt expect most of you to bother rewading all this ( i know i wouldnt have its bloody long) i've never been able to share so much with anyone other than her. she was my life and now shes gone even though she says she still cares i know deep down that i'll probably never be able to rescue her back. well thats that i guess theres a lot more to it than that and a lot more personal stuff that i want to keep between me and her plus the bottle i'm drinking is almost empty so i think i'll stop there....

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i dont fucking care anymore!

This message has been edited by Dark Knight Bob on April 14, 2001 at 09:14 PM

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...when you look long into an abyss, the abyss also looks into you
-- Friedrich Nietzsche

I don't know if that helps you, but that's all I can think off. Life's a bitch like that.

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Spydir Web - http://netsyndrome.net/spydirweb/
Net Syndrome - http://www.netsyndrome.net/

Sometimes you're the dog, sometimes you're the hydrant...

If you really love the girl, you'll do something significant for her... something beyond breakfast (no offense). Leave her in a good state... encouraged, clean, safe, and happy. Just make sure she knows that the world doesn't have to be hard, and that there's always a piller for her to lean on.

I don't think a relationship will ever work again (from my limited experience, and limited knowledge). Just make sure that both of you are on stable ground afterward.

well, if she's only 16, you can't be much older. so. um. right now telling you you've got your WHOLE LIFE ahead of you probably would just be depressing to your ears. so I won't. but the fortunate thing is if you REALLY love a girl, you don't ever FORGET about her but eventually thinking about her doesn't hurt anymore, you're just truly glad you knew her. so you have that to look forward to. this has been the Voice of Experience™ talking...

I think some of the way she's behaving is down to her age (i know that sounds corny). I can't make it better but I'm here for ya and I'm sure everyone else is. So finish off that bottle, hit the hay and have a good chill tomorrow.

Mike

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-- incubus
As I chase the leaves like the words I never find ...

My condolences.