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anonymous_bastard 
FNG
Group: Members
Posts: 3
Joined: Dec. 2000
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Posted on: Dec. 11 2000,11:39 |
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posting anonymously cause i know a couple of my friends read here and know who i amok heres the deal. i have these 2 friends who have been going out for quite some time, lets call them 'jack' and 'jill'. they recently broke up, after months of endless problems. i consider(ed) jill my best friend, we are/were very close, sometimes this has lead to embarrassing situations which neither of us could explain i.e holding hands, extended hugs etc. other people would just not get this and find it wierd and jack would get really jealous cause he thought i was putting the moves on jill now, as i said, they had a nasty split, and he told her that he no longer loved her. she is manic depressive so took this worse than the split, as she beleived that he was THE ONE for her, no exeptions. the other night she had some friends over to try and cheer her up (well, we kinda just turned up, without her asking, we tend to do that, she appreciates it). we were all drinking and having a good time, then everyone went home. being particularily inebriated myself (ok, totally shitfaced) i decided to stay over. we were watching a movie, gradually getting closer and closer, as you do, when we found ourselves in each others arms (she was as drunk as i). i actually brought up the courage to ask her about getting a little close (i.e kissing) and she said she wanted to aswell but was scared... and i said something along the lines of "well, if we both want it, how can it be bad?" she pondered that, and within minutes, we were indeed kissing.this went on for quite some time until i suffered a massive attack of guilt and went to bed (not her bed obviously) the next morning, like mature adults (well sorta, us being 18 and 17) we actually discussed it. i said (still a tad drunk, but mostly in my right mind) that i didnt regret it... even wouldnt mind doing it again, and she said she would to, except for the consequences. so shortly after that i went home, feeling good, but i will get to that shortly i was actually thinking quite clearly through the whole thing. being her best friend i wanted to comfort her emotionally, and that extended physically, to the point of being in each others arms. she was still pretty crushed at jack telling her he didnt love her. i thought that at the time, maybe if i got her to 'feel' something for me (which i did for her a little) then it might help to get her mind off jack a little, and give her a slightly different perspective on life. now you dont need to tell me, i do know that was an incredibly stupid thing to think and i am still cursing myself for that so anyway, i went home feeling fine, feeling good within myself because i felt we had reached a level of friendship that not many people reach, the ultimate physical and emotional closeness if you will. then jack, being the dickhead he is, goes and tells her that he was lying about not loving jill, and wants her back. being the fool for love that she is, she accepts, then tells him everything. but not only everything, oh no, thers more she told him that i tried to hit on her again the next morning (recap: i said i would like to, and she concurred) so now he thinks i am a big dick, but won't even accept a little of the blame for what happened because he told her he didnt love her. i tried to talk sensibly to him, saying that i know i am mostly to blame, but none of it would have happened if he hadnt made her so vulnerable by telling her he didnt love her. so now i feel like i have lost 2 friends (jack was also my friend), becuase jill and i swore nto to tell anyone... normally i am the one that cant keep secrets, but i didnt tell a soul, then jack messages me today and says "is it true about you and jill?", thus throwing a fair portion of my life out the window there is a little more to it, btu i think you all get the general idea. i know i am a bastard, i know what i did was wrong, and i was honestly not trying to take advantage of her when she was at her most vulnerable. thanks for reading my novel, i dont know if the sex forum is the right place, but theres no 'emotional baggage' forum so fuck it
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| Post Number: 2
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whtdrgn_2
FNG
Group: Members
Posts: 155
Joined: Dec. 2000
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Posted on: Dec. 11 2000,14:27 |
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My god I have a head ache after reading that one. Firt of all, never feal fuilty for doing something that you want in your heart. I knew a woman before I was married (not to the same woman), and we had a closeness that could match no other. We could comunicate without even talking to each other. Saddly, she got into drugs a little to much for my taste and we never finished what we started. If it were not for me understanding that a friendship can be that close I would not be so understanding with a friendship that my wife has with another gentlemen (but if he ever touches her -- ouch time). I happen to believe that averything that heppens to you can make you a better person, and help you with things yet to come. Second, if "Jack" is this much of an ass, and "Jill" still wants to be with him, then it sounds like "Jill" has a self confidence problem. If you want to take things with Jill to the next level, then let her know how you really feal about her. Tell her how buitiful of a person she is to you, and don't be afraid to put your heart out on the line. If you have already lost her as a friend, then you have nothing to lose. Finally, if all else fails, talk to "Jack", and let him know that he is hurting "Jill" with the way he treates her. Ask him if he likes treating her that way, and if he thinks she deserves it. Try to phrase it without pointing fingers at hime. Like: "Hey 'Jack', do you think that 'Jill' deserves to be emotionaly abused", and then when he tells you know, ask him why he does it then. Once again, if you have lost Jack as a friend, don't be afraid to put yourself out on the line (afterall 'Jill' is your friend, and that should be all that matters). Oh yeah, ignore me if you want what the hell do I know :-)
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| Post Number: 3
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PersonGuy
Right-wing pigeon from outer space
Group: Members
Posts: 2081
Joined: --
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Posted on: Dec. 11 2000,15:23 |
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No, you did the RIGHT think, and don't EVER think otherwise! In your particular situation, that type of comfort was called for! She needed to feel loved, and you were right there for her!!Now here's the bad news... she's NOT a fool for love, she's JUST a fool. I mean, don't get pissed at insulting your infatuation, but she's screwed up. That doesn't mean shes a bad person... I'm sure she's great and nice and fun and a cool person... but she's screwed up. She seeks abusive abandoning relationships, and until she gets so profesional help, that's not going to change! You're too good a guy for her. If you ever got together, it would be a disaster! You'd treat her good, and she'd freak out and cause chaos until the relationship was thrown on the rocks! SO, HERES what you need to do: A) Appologize to Jack! None of this "but i said... but she said"... tell him that you were durnk AND wrong, and that'll never happen again. Tell him that you DID have feelings for her, but now that it's out of your system, you aren't into her at all anymore. B) Let her go. If you MUST be friends with her, fine, but you need to treat her like any of your other friends, not you SPECIAL friend. It may be weird at first, but the sooner, the better c) Get a girlfriend. Not immidiately, but start getting involved with other chicks. As a person whos been in your EXACT situation before, trust me! PLEASE! ------------------
<P:\>erson\Guy.exe -PersonGuy *pERSONgUY.cfg
http://www.personguy.com
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| Post Number: 4
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brodie
FNG
Group: Members
Posts: 53
Joined: Sep. 2000
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Posted on: Dec. 11 2000,16:29 |
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yeah, most of my thoughts were already covered here.... many a similar things have happened to me, as well. there was a really good friend once, we'll call her jenny (b/c that was her name.. heh). we were really close friends. not "special" friends, but close. we did a lot together. but she had a SEVERE confidance problem. she liked me a lot, but when she finally asked about the possibilty, i wasn't and still am not interested, and i told her that. b/c we're good friends, and i wouldn't lie to her. she was pretty crushed. she didn't talk to me for a bit, and then on and off for a while. it tapered off and i haven't talked to her in two years...umm...i guess the point is, some people cannot be helped just by friends. some people do look for abusive relationships and freak if they get a good guy (this is coming from a "good guy" who this has happened to before). they need professional help. and they need to dump fuckers like jack. jack has a right to be upset, but if you explain it to him, and apologize for it, he should forgive you. if he doesn't, he's just a total asshole that you shouldn't be wasting your time with. sorry to be so blunt, but he's like that to you, i think that you overestimated the importance of your relationship. maybe you thought that you were good friends, but oviously he didn't. if he can't forgive you for what you did, then fuck him. try the same with jill. as was said before, you lost them as friends, so you say, so what's left to lose? there's my Ũ.02 ------------------
brodie Now every face, it looks familiar... then every face would melt away until now... everyone, do you know, I know your deception?
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askheaves
Ack!!!
Group: Members
Posts: 1955
Joined: Sep. 2000
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Posted on: Dec. 11 2000,16:48 |
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I've been on Jack's side of things before. I don't like to think of myself as a total asshole, but things that led up to a troubled relationship and my actions saying a very similar thing. During the time that we weren't together, she started sleeping with my friend (don't know how often, or any of that, just that it happened). Later, we got back together and things became extra difficult because he was always around. Jill and I couldn't have a normal relationship because we were never alone together for more than a minute... and I mean that literally. There's a hell of a lot more to this story, but I won't bore you all with the details.You can be a good friend and offer help, you can take advantage and get a little, you can try to restore your friendship with Jack. Personally, given the option, I would leave the entire situation... get far far away... like Tucson, or something. Off-Topic: Why don't you open up that Anonymous-Bastard account with a published password for anybody to use? That sounds like fun 
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| Post Number: 6
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anonymous_bastard
FNG
Group: Members
Posts: 3
Joined: Dec. 2000
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Posted on: Dec. 11 2000,22:30 |
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thank you all for your replies, they are all very appreciated, i will post individual responses then maybe some more thoughts at the bottomquotes from whtdrgn:
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Firt of all, never feal fuilty for doing something that you want in your heart.
i thought i wanted it... i did a little, but i think it was mostly the alcahol, and the intensity of the situation (it was _very_ intense) quote:
I happen to believe that averything that heppens to you can make you a better person, and help you with things yet to come.
i also belive that, but i'd rather learn my lesson without losing friends, or screwing them around  quote:
sounds like "Jill" has a self confidence problem.
she has a very bad self confidence problem, that was one of the reasons going through my head to do it, to get her to meybe think that there are more people in the world, and certainly more people that can be (and are) attracted to her quote:
If you want to take things with Jill to the next level, then let her know how you really feal about her. Tell her how buitiful of a person she is to you, and don't be afraid to put your heart out on the line.
thats the thing, i didnt, and still dont, want to take it to the next level. apart from the fact that i dont have a huge crush on her (i have had, but when that happened it was sorta just simmering in the back of my head. it was there, but not really 'active' if you know what i mean), i also dont want to be in a relationship with her because i know how sensitive she is, even the slighest thing puts her in emotional turmoil, and i wouldnt want to risk doing that every day of our relationship you know? quote:
Finally, if all else fails, talk to "Jack", and let him know that he is hurting "Jill" with the way he treates her.
i have talked to him about that, but as i said, anything you say slightly out of line hurts her, so i can forgive him for a lot of it, but him telling her that he didnt love her.... especially when he did, that just... made me so mad you know? because he knows how sensitive she is... argh anyway i have already said that quotes from personguy:
quote:
In your particular situation, that type of comfort was called for! She needed to feel loved, and you were right there for her!!
i know i know!! but he (jack) just wont understand that!! quote:
Now here's the bad news... she's NOT a fool for love, she's JUST a fool. I mean, don't get pissed at insulting your infatuation, but she's screwed up. That doesn't mean shes a bad person... I'm sure she's great and nice and fun and a cool person... but she's screwed up.
i do know that, i'm not insuled dont worry i know she is messed up, and i try to help her... i try so hard, and sometimes it messes me up, i'm sure a lot of you know what i mean quote:
She seeks abusive abandoning relationships, and until she gets so profesional help, that's not going to change!
i disagree with that - its the only major relationship she has ever had (sorry i neglected to mention that) and she just loves him to much to move on, well, thats how i see it anyway quote:
You're too good a guy for her. If you ever got together, it would be a disaster! You'd treat her good, and she'd freak out and cause chaos until the relationship was thrown on the rocks![QUOTE][B]thanks, i do appreciate that but as i said, i dont want a relationship with her, i just want to be... great friends. please belive that! i know its hard, and i probably wouldnt belive it from your POV either [QUOTE][B]SO, HERES what you need to do:
I have done all of (A) and he wont accept it, but i care less abotu jeck now than jill so he can go screw himself. as for (B), i have done that, i wrote her an email to that effect last night, i'll keep you all posted on what happens quote:
Get a girlfriend. Not immidiately, but start getting involved with other chicks.
i know, i have been seriously involved before, but she is just such a valued friend to me, i try to be the same to her, and it got out of hand quotes from brodie:
quote:
she was pretty crushed. she didn't talk to me for a bit, and then on and off for a while. it tapered off and i haven't talked to her in two years...
and i am SO scared that is whats going to happen here, its eating me up you know? quote:
jack has a right to be upset, but if you explain it to him, and apologize for it, he should forgive you. if he doesn't, he's just a total asshole that you shouldn't be wasting your time with.
i did, i tried to explain everying, i accepted the blame, told him that i regreted it, that he needs to feel no threat from me, and that they both have my best wishes as a relationship, but he is still bugging me quotes from askheaves:
quote:
I've been on Jack's side of things before. I don't like to think of myself as a total asshole, but things that led up to a troubled relationship and my actions saying a very similar thing
i know what you mean, i wouldnt think to much of me either if i was jack, and i understand that, that is why i am trying to sort it out with him but he just wont listen or even acknowledge that he hurt her saying that he no longer loved her quote:
Personally, given the option, I would leave the entire situation... get far far away... like Tucson, or something
i dont really have the option to just scat right now, but i would surely love to, man would i love to quotes from pengu1nn:
quote:
women! it's her fault for telling. jack still has no right to be pissed at you as jill and jack were broke up at the time. you didn't do anything wrong
i know! oh how i know! but he thinks that he has possession of her, even when she thinks he doesnt. its so fucked up, but it is also typical male jealousy quote:
that very close friends shit is just that, shit. point is if i cought my woman holding another mans hand i would be pissed
we wouldnt ever do that while sober, usually just at parties when we were having deep discussions about our lives and relationships and such, we tended to get physically closer as we got emotionally closer wow, this is gonna be a long post! thanks again everyone for your replies, and if i missed out something that you feel was important that you said, i am very sorry! i will, of course, keep you all posted as to how it goes, but i have not talked to either of them since i posted the first one askheaves: i think that opening this username up would be a pretty cool idea, but i would like to place one rule on it: only one person is allowed to use "anonymous_bastard" per thread (so it doesnt get confused). this would have to be enforced by a trust system, as there is really no other way to do it. what do you all think?
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anonymous_bastard
FNG
Group: Members
Posts: 3
Joined: Dec. 2000
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Posted on: Dec. 12 2000,02:26 |
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hehe renegade, funny thing is, he (jack) is dark (not black american, but some african something i forget) whereas im not
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