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CatKnight 
Jedi Republican
Group: Members
Posts: 3807
Joined: Dec. 2000
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Posted on: Dec. 18 2000,03:19 |
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i have always been attracted to this girl that i met at work a year ago. although we live in different areas, and she is a year younger then me, i think she is the perfect girl. we are both shy and innocent in a a way, but we are both very intelligent and cynical. anyway, last night we ended up making out in my car for half an hour. i'm not sure how she feels though. every time i act flirty towards her, she becomes a little upset. she wants to stay friends and she wants to trust me not to take advantage of her. however, she does occasionally do things like this, where we talk about persoanl (read sexual) things, or kiss. this was the furthest we have gone so far, making out that is. anyway, i don't know what to do! i need advice on how to approach this situation. it seems to me that if things keep going the way they are we will end up together, but not until the distant future (her or myself graduating college). she has said a few times she doesn't feel attracted to me, we are just close friends though. i really don't know what to think...
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Neophyre
Jedi Knight
Group: Members
Posts: 467
Joined: Oct. 2000
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Posted on: Dec. 18 2000,03:40 |
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be happy ur gettin it
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damien_s_lucifer
Emperor of Detnet
Group: Members
Posts: 33
Joined: Jan. 1970
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Posted on: Dec. 18 2000,04:31 |
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quote:
Originally posted by CatKnight:
anyway, last night we ended up making out in my car for half an hour. i'm not sure how she feels though....she has said a few times she doesn't feel attracted to me, we are just close friends though. i really don't know what to think...
What???? You made out with this girl, yet you honestly believe she's not attracted to you??? Okay. First thing, she IS attracted to you. Look at it this way : would you make out with a girl you weren't attracted too? No way!!! For that matter, you probably wouldn't be "close friends" with a girl you weren't attracted to, either. Women are a lot more like men than we give them credit for. My point is that the ATTRACTION here is mutual. What she may not want is the usual RELATIONSHIP bullshit. So don't give it to her. By that I mean don't pressure her about a relationship, just be her friend. That doesn't mean you can't make out with her, or cuddle with her, or flirt with her. I have a couple female friends I get to snuggle with. I would try going out with any of them, but there are a lot of good things about NOT going out with them too. One of 'em is kind of psycho, one of 'em lives a thousand miles away (she visits all the time tho), and one of 'em keeps running back to her stupid boyfriend. But they are all really good friends to me. So basically, enjoy the time you have with her, be a good friend to her, don't about what you can or can't do because you're "just" her friend, and most importantly DON'T worry too much about your future with her. Oh yeah, and regardless of what she says, if you flirt with her, compliment her, whatever, she WILL appreciate it.
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Greasemonk
I am almost one of Us.
Group: Members
Posts: 440
Joined: Sep. 2000
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Posted on: Dec. 19 2000,15:10 |
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I would start making moves and letting her know you want to get serious. If you dont you might end up being one of her "gay" guy friends. This type of friend is the one guy she tells everything to, what she does with other guys, when shes on the rag, when she is off the rag, etc...
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CatKnight
Jedi Republican
Group: Members
Posts: 3807
Joined: Dec. 2000
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Posted on: Dec. 19 2000,16:58 |
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well thats not really an issue. she is really the lonely type and doesn't have many friends. she is home schooled now too. i think for now she just wants to have fun and be comfortable around me. that could possibly include sex in the future. i don't think a relationship is possible in the near future though.
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damien_s_lucifer
Emperor of Detnet
Group: Members
Posts: 33
Joined: Jan. 1970
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Posted on: Dec. 19 2000,20:37 |
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ROTFL jim... michael, it's okay to think your female friends are sexy, and to let them know it!!! I mean, friendship is about sharing things, and letting each other know what you like about each other. Two of my best friends are female. I've flirted and acted "inappropriately" with both of them from day one, and they love me for it. I see nothing wrong with letting your friends know they're wonderful and attractive human beings. And yes I've made out with them both more than once, but I always let them know that being friends mattered a lot more to me than "going out," whatever that means.Female friends are also good to talk with about things that your male friends won't understand, they're good to snuggle with, good to go on vacation with, and good for those social functions that more or less require a date. So, CatKnight, basically what I'm saying is there is less of a difference between "just good friends" and "going out" than most people think there is. This girl obviously has feelings for you; what she wants to do with them is another matter. But don't get all hung up on whether or not you'll "have a relationship" with her, because you already do. It's just not an ordinary one. But so what??? The best advice I can give you is to let her know how you feel about her, and do it in such a way that she doesn't feel *obligated* to have a relationship with you. Don't say "I'm totally in love with you and need to be with you," for example. "I love spending time with you" and other compliments in that vein are good and basically mean the same thing. Remember to let her know she's missed, etc. And *most* importantly, DON'T let her define who you get to be to her too much!!! If you're a nice guy it's easy to take the whole "respect" thing too far. Women NEED affection, even if it's from "just a friend," so don't be afraid give it to 'em. Keep talking to her about things, because if you don't you'll make things up that aren't real. Oh yeah, and keep your options open; if you find another girl who arouses your interest, don't be afraid to spend time with that one too. This has been the voice of experience speaking 
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| Post Number: 10
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CatKnight
Jedi Republican
Group: Members
Posts: 3807
Joined: Dec. 2000
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Posted on: Dec. 19 2000,22:39 |
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thanks for the advice! that's pretty much how i have been approaching the situation lately. at first, like 6 months ago, i was trying to get close to her to go out with her. now that's not very likely, but i like the idea of being close friends with kissing benefits . i think that's what she wants too. i'm just trying to figure out how far she wants to go with this (e.g. sex?)...
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