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peregrin 
DetVet
Group: Members
Posts: 210
Joined: May 2000
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Posted on: May 18 2000,08:11 |
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I Like Monkeys"
I like monkeys. The pet store was selling them for five cents
a piece. I thought this was odd since they were normally a couple
thousand. I decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth so I bought
200 of them.
I like monkeys. I took my 200 monkeys home. I have a big
car. I let one of them drive. His name was Sigmund. He was
retarded. In fact, none of them were really bright. They kept
punching themselves in the genitals. I laughed. They punched me in
the genitals. I stopped laughing. I herded them into my room. They
didn't adapt very well to their new environment. They would screech
and hurl themselves off the couch at high speeds and slam into the
wall. Although humorous at first, the spectacle lost its novelty
halfway into it's third hour. Two hours later I found out why all the
monkeys were so inexpensive; they all died. No apparent reason. They
all just sort of dropped dead. Kinda like when you buy a goldfish and
it dies five hours later. God damn cheap monkeys. I didn't know what
to do. There were 200 dead monkeys lying all over my room; on the bed,
in the dresser, hanging from my bookcase. It looked like I had 200
throw rugs. I tried to flush one down the toilet. It didn't work.
It got stuck. Then I had one dead, wet monkey and one hundred
ninety-nine dead, dry monkeys. I tried to pretend that they were just
stuffed animals. That worked for awhile, that is until they began to
decompose. It started to smell real bad. I had to pee but there was a
dead monkey in my toilet and I didn't want to call a plumber. I was
embarrassed. I tried to slow down the decomposition by freezing them.
Unfortuantely there was only enough room for two at a time, so I had
to change them every 30 seconds. I also had to eat all the food in
the freezer so it didn't go bad. I tried to burn them, but little did
I know that my bed was flammable. I had to extinguish the fire. Then
I had one dead, wet monkey in my toilet, two dead, frozen monkeys in
my freezer, and one hundred ninety-seven dead, charred monkeys in a
pile on my bed. The odor wasn't improving. I became agitated at my
inability to dispose of the dead monkeys and I really had to use the
bathroom. So I went and severely beat one of the monkeys. I felt
better. I tried throwing them away but the garbage man said the city
was not allowed to dispose of charred primates. I told him I had a
wet one. He couldn't take it either. I didn't bother asking about
the frozen ones. I finally arrived at a solution. I gave them out as
Christmas gifts. My friends didn't quite know what to say. They
pretended to like them, but I could tell they were lying. Ingrates.
So I punched them in the genitals.
I like monkeys.
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LordHighCommander
FNG
Group: Members
Posts: 1
Joined: May 2000
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Posted on: May 18 2000,08:23 |
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LOL
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Kolben
FNG
Group: Members
Posts: 292
Joined: May 2000
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Posted on: May 18 2000,09:04 |
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LOL...Do NOT buy low quality monkeys!!
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