quote:
From The Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy:
"Listen," said Ford, who was still engrossed in the sales
brochure, "they make a big thing of the ship's cybernetics. A new
generation of Sirius Cybernetics Corporation robots and
computers, with the new GPP feature.""GPP feature?" said Arthur. "What's that?"
"Oh, it says Genuine People Personalities."
"Oh," said Arthur, "sounds ghastly."
A voice behind them said, "It is." The voice was low and hopeless
and accompanied by a slight clanking sound. They span round and
saw an abject steel man standing hunched in the doorway.
"What?" they said.
"Ghastly," continued Marvin, "it all is. Absolutely ghastly. Just
don't even talk about it. Look at this door," he said, stepping
through it. The irony circuits cut into his voice modulator as he
mimicked the style of the sales brochure. "All the doors in this
spaceship have a cheerful and sunny disposition. It is their
pleasure to open for you, and their satisfaction to close again
with the knowledge of a job well done."
As the door closed behind them it became apparent that it did
indeed have a satisfied sigh-like quality to it.
"Hummmmmmmyummmmmmm ah!" it said.
Marvin regarded it with cold loathing whilst his logic circuits
chattered with disgust and tinkered with the concept of directing
physical violence against it Further circuits cut in saying, Why
bother? What's the point? Nothing is worth getting involved in.
Further circuits amused themselves by analysing the molecular
components of the door, and of the humanoids' brain cells. For a
quick encore they measured the level of hydrogen emissions in the
surrounding cubic parsec of space and then shut down again in
boredom. A spasm of despair shook the robot's body as he turned.
"Come on," he droned, "I've been ordered to take you down to the
bridge. Here I am, brain the size of a planet and they ask me to
take you down to the bridge. Call that job satisfaction? 'Cos I
don't."
He turned and walked back to the hated door.
"Er, excuse me," said Ford following after him, "which government
owns this ship?"
Marvin ignored him.
"You watch this door," he muttered, "it's about to open again. I
can tell by the intolerable air of smugness it suddenly
generates."
With an ingratiating little whine the door slit open again and
Marvin stomped through.
"Come on," he said.
The others followed quickly and the door slit back into place
with pleased little clicks and whirrs.
"Thank you the marketing division of the Sirius Cybernetics
Corporation," said Marvin and trudged desolately up the gleaming
curved corridor that stretched out before them. "Let's build
robots with Genuine People Personalities," they said. So they
tried it out with me. I'm a personality prototype. You can tell
can't you?"
Ford and Arthur muttered embarrassed little disclaimers.
"I hate that door," continued Marvin. "I'm not getting you down
at all am I?"
"Which government ..." started Ford again.
"No government owns it," snapped the robot, "it's been stolen."
"Stolen?"
"Stolen?" mimicked Marvin.
"Who by?" asked Ford.
"Zaphod Beeblebrox."
Something extraordinary happened to Ford's face. At least five
entirely separate and distinct expressions of shock and amazement
piled up on it in a jumbled mess. His left leg, which was in mid
stride, seemed to have difficulty in finding the floor again. He
stared at the robot and tried to entangle some dartoid muscles.
"Zaphod Beeblebrox ...?" he said weakly.
"Sorry, did I say something wrong?" said Marvin, dragging himself
on regardless. "Pardon me for breathing, which I never do anyway
so I don't know why I bother to say it, oh God I'm so depressed.
Here's another of those self-satisfied door. Life! Don't talk to
me about life."
