Topic: Oh, irony. I get it...
started by: 1LT
Posted by 1LT on Feb. 21 2002,17:42
An open field. Rain and snow. Cold Berettas. Pop-up Targets. We ran a 9mil range. It snowed, which means no one wanted to come out. 3450 rounds just for me and my guys. After I made sure we all qualified expert, we burned it all (it's a hassle returning ammo). A weapon in each hand and 80 15-round magazines... sweet.
Lessons learned:
1. Deperado was bullshit. If you fire them both at the same time you might hit something.
2. Gangsta shit is fucking uncomfortable.
3. I still can't believe I get paid to do this.
Tomorrow, I talked one of the Tank PLs into letting me fire a sabot (we're in Gunnery).
Yeah, I'm gloating. Here's your opportunity to rant.
With all this arms talk...Look over there, Kuru's gettin' wet.
Posted by kuru on Feb. 21 2002,18:07
Nah sweetie, I don't get wet from talkin about guns.Only from firing them myself.
Posted by Wolfguard on Feb. 21 2002,19:32
yeah...but he is making me hard...I remember running ranges in panama. most fun was the 203 range.
Lt: "Look guys...we still have 400 rounds of HEDP we need to get rid of cause they dont want it back."
PFC Wolfguard:"I honestly dont know if i should cry or orgasam!"
Needless to say, after that day who needs sights with a 203. It was almost as much fun as the 4 cases of AT4s that we got to volley fire at an old tank...
(Note: M203 is the grenade launcher that hangs under an M16. AT4 is a oneshot anti tank rocket that replaced the laws.)
(damm...sometimes i miss it. i keep forgetting about all the cool toys i got to play with)
Posted by solid on Feb. 21 2002,23:52
4 CASES OF AT4?!! SWEET JESUS.
Posted by kuru on Feb. 22 2002,00:35
OK so just guns won't do it... But grenades?
*kuru shivers.
Posted by Wolfguard on Feb. 22 2002,16:50
40mm grenades that you shoot...best of both worlds.
The loving thump of the recoil and shit blowing up at the other end...
Solid...
it was 4 Cases of AT4s being fired all at once...
"well sir, there WAS a target tank on the anti-armor range..."
Posted by kuru on Feb. 22 2002,18:48
Wolfguard's DI: PFC Wolfguard who taught you how to blow shit up like that?PFC Wolfguard: Sir, You did Sir!
Wolfguard's DI: You are a god damn destructive genius PFC Wolfguard!
PFC Wolfguard: Sir, Thank you Sir!
Just a little mental image.
Posted by Wolfguard on Feb. 22 2002,20:13
heh...More like them trying to teach me in basic how to shoot a rifle.
DI:"Private, you cant shoot a weapon like that and hit anything!"
Wolfguard: says nothing but calmly squezes off 3 shots waits and walks down range to check target...
DI:"See! you hit the paper once private!"
Wolfguard: says nothing and calmly produces an NRA offical 223 pin and slides it into the single hole and with out saying a word points to the 2 little half moons that show the passage of 2 more bullets that slightly deform the hole.
DI: "Damm son.... can you teach me to shoot like that?"
Wolfguard:"No drill sargent, it takes a lifetime to learn to shoot like that. I would like to say one thing Drill Sargent."
DI: "Whats that private?"
Wolfguard:" This is not a half bad weapon but it is a little on the light side."
The demo stuff i do know i learned from one of those navy guys that never go to other countries to hurt people cause we all know the navy only deals with oceans. That and the guys with funny french designed green hats.
Sniper school was mostly run by the guys with the green hats and a thick necked guy that you could keep cookies in his head.
The rest is just about keeping your head when those around you loose theirs.
I do miss the ranges... Its not like you can go to the local gun range with a pistol and have a guy next to you with a MK19 blowing shit up.
Posted by 1LT on Feb. 22 2002,20:21
Kuru- What's this "sweetie"? I'm afraid you cant call me that till you help me fire off my basic load. Aren't double entendres fun?
Wolfguard- I'm not with the Scouts or Mortars, so I don't get to play with all those toys unless I go out with my guys to cover those ranges. So what were you?
BTW- I fired the sabot, I must now change my pants.
Posted by Wolfguard on Feb. 23 2002,00:29
Welp. i know that 1LT is a tanker. Not a bad job if you dont mind sitting in something that every fucknugget in the world is going to take a pot shot at.I was infantry. 11B
Got trainning on Dragons and TOWs also. (11BC2 and 11H if i remember)
Got to fire anything that can be broken down and carried on your back.
Posted by Bob_the_Cannibal on Feb. 23 2002,05:02
well, I've looked nasty 'n stuff with a variety of weapons... (haven't fired them tho 
) shall we go from least to most destructive?
K-bar combat knife
M9 beretta
Colt m4
Standard military fragmentation grenades (live ord)
M16a2/m203
Stinger launcher (dummy missile, access to live ord, tho. (see: bradley))
AT4 antitank rocket
LAW anti-tank weapon on top of Hummer
Bradley weapons systems ( had live stingers inside too!
)GE or other mfg. gattling gun in a Blackhawk
GAU-8/A gattling gun in an A-10 (on ground)
USS Turner-Joy (battleship?) main deck guns. (decomissioned, at port.)
USS Nimitz at Bremerton. (still working, was at portside stand-down)
(I love being a military brat...)
<edit> and yes, I know how to operate and fire them all.
Posted by Wiley on Feb. 23 2002,06:01
I have dead perfect aim with the remote control. Sometimes I go buck wild and use two remotes at a time ...pure craziness.
Posted by Rhydant on Feb. 23 2002,19:37
uhm.... ive shot a glock and a 12-gauge shotgun before.and i hit soda cans fro 50 feet away with 'em!
yah..... thats lame.
Posted by Wolfguard on Feb. 23 2002,22:41
I shot a...Hmmm...COO of a renagade drug company through the heart at ~1500 meters.I know its not a soda can...
Posted by kuru on Feb. 24 2002,16:04
1LT: I wasn't callin you 'sweetie'. I reserve that for Wolfy.Wolfy: I have to settle for someone shooting an mp5 next to me at the range when I take my pistol. And sometimes I just feel like shooting the mp5.
Posted by Wolfguard on Feb. 24 2002,16:50
Nothing wrong with that, MP5s are one of the better pieces of hardware in the world. One of my all time faves is the MP5KS. Factory silenced and ported to take care of that nasty climb problem... oh yeah.Once you get the chance to play with military hardward you find the rest of it a bit lacking.
Posted by kuru on Feb. 24 2002,18:15
I finally found a time when my boobs are an advantage.Planting weight forward to keep the muzzle from climbing seemed to be much easier for me than for my (male) shooting partner.
One of the range employees asked why. I told him I put my breasts into it and let gravity do the work.
Posted by Rhydant on Feb. 24 2002,20:22
| Quote (Wolfguard @ 23 Feb. 2002,06:41) |
| I shot a...Hmmm...COO of a renagade drug company through the heart at ~1500 meters. |
you murderer, you!
Posted by Wolfguard on Feb. 24 2002,22:25
heh
Posted by 1LT on Feb. 25 2002,19:12
Wolfguard- I'm just in a Tank BN. I'm the Med. PL. Hence why I have to talk people into letting me fire the neat shit. I do enjoy the Berettas, though. It's also amusing to watch dip-spitting comps between some of my guys. (Future Rant Material- My next unit will have females. I won't get to enjoy dumb behavior -I'll have to correct it- and I can't swear anymore... FUCK.)
Damn responsibility. Time to buy a YO-YO.
Wiley- But do you have the Piss Targets in the toilet?
"No splatter on the commode" is my motto.
Posted by kuru on Feb. 26 2002,00:31
Man, I really hate it that whiny feminazi bitches screw everything up for everybody.How come they have to complain all the damn time?
'He swore, that's bad!'
'He acted like a man. That's WORSE!'
Posted by veistran on Feb. 26 2002,04:37
speaking of blowing shit up, < taliban ouch >....
Posted by BlackFlag on Feb. 26 2002,05:49
I'm sorry, was this supposed to be a rant, or a pat-myself-on-the-back-for-being-so-damn-cool-a-thon?Can we make a new rule?--
DON'T CLICK ON THE 'NEW TOPIC' BUTTON IN THE RANTS FORUM UNLESS YOU CAN FEEL THE VEINS IN YOUR FOREHEAD PULSATING!!!!!!!!!!! this will keep people from posting inane bullshit in a forum that should contain only disgruntled postal worker level content.
Posted by solid on Feb. 26 2002,06:56
| Quote (1LT @ 21 Feb. 2002,09:42) |
| Yeah, I'm gloating. Here's your opportunity to rant. |
Mestrr. BlackFlag! Yuo aer teh cofnuesd!!!
Posted by 1LT on Feb. 26 2002,07:08
Ahhhhh, I was waiting for this (thank you, blackflag)....Dipshit. Read the FUCKING title. Pay attention.
I felt like changing the rules. Deal. Lame corporate phrase still making the rounds;"Think out side of the box."
Just for kicks, take a look at some of the stuff in Classroom that ought to be in Geek forum.
Kuru- I'm not trying to imply that all the enlisted chicks are out to ruin careers. The problem is that if there's even the slightest hint of impropriety, and some female gets offended, it can snowball. Keep in mind that one of the media's hot button topics is women in the military. If some chick decides to have a bad day and you weren't watching your ass, there's the potential to have a feeding frenzy on your hands. The way that this has been "fixed" is that we now treat the women a little less like we treat the guys and if something happens, echelons above reality start getting involved and you are fucked. This is why you will never see women in Combat Arms units. One torturous, long migrane.
In a couple month I get to deal with this. Excellent!
Posted by BlackFlag on Feb. 26 2002,10:38
| Quote |
| Yeah, I'm gloating. Here's your opportunity to rant. |
No one took the oportunity (as if you were expecting them to). Experiment failed.
Once again, please take this 'im so damn cool cause i blow things up' bullshit to "the classroom", or better yet, KEEP IT THE FUCK TO YOURSELF.
| Quote |
| Just for kicks, take a look at some of the stuff in Classroom that ought to be in Geek forum. |
um, like?
Posted by WillyPete on Feb. 26 2002,13:08
BF. Go Away.There's no rule a rant can't turn into a civic discussion. So what if we didn't feel the need to to call 1LT a cunt because he got to blow shit up and we didn't.
If you REALLY feel the need for discussions to take place in the classroom, go start one about the merits of having the Soda fountain next to the donuts or something.
Go check your shelf stock or something.
*Back to the Group*
What's funny is I've seriously been thinking of joining the local reserves here for a bit of extra cash. One of the guys at work is in charge of the local engineers unit and he's pushing for me to come along. I'd get my demolition licence so it can't be all bad. A fun qualification to have if I fulfill my plan to work in ski resorts.
Posted by kuru on Feb. 26 2002,15:52
You know, 1LT, I wasn't arguing with you. I think the thing that sucks is that there are these whiny bitches who can't handle being treated exactly the same as everyone else, and because they're female they have everybody doing exactly what they want for fear of being sued.I'd be really nice if they were told to get with the damn program or get out of the military, but as long as the National Organization of Whores has money in their pockets, nobody'll ever be treated equally.
I'm sure there are chicks there who just wanna do their job, but the whiny, spoiled princesses screw everything up for everyone.
Posted by BlackFlag on Feb. 26 2002,18:17
| Quote |
| There's no rule a rant can't turn into a civic discussion. So what if we didn't feel the need to to call 1LT a cunt because he got to blow shit up and we didn't. |
My whole fucking point (in case you were too fucking stupid to catch it) was that this was never a rant to begin with. This dribble belongs somewhere else.
Posted by 1LT on Feb. 26 2002,18:24
BF- Once again, read the title of the thread. If you still don't understand, go look up the word irony. Then note the title of the thread, the title of the forum and the subject matter of my first post...it's not like I was trying to hide my purpose in vagueness and subtlety. I knew some wouldn't understand my humor if I didn't blatently explain it in the thread title and I knew that there was the possibility I might get flamed by those who are either unintelligent or not paying attention. I let you decide what you are...On a much lighter note:
WillyPete: Money is always good. Definitely know what you're getting into before you sign. If you're interested in high explosives, also check out ordinance. One thing to keep in mind with the Engineers is that if you have to Breach an obstacle, you're gonna die.
Kuru- I realize you we're disagreeing. I apologize if I came off as demeaning or combative. My purpose was to explain not only to you but to those who would read my response, what the situation can be in a leadership position.
1LT- Shut the fuck up already.
Now there's a rallying cry for the masses.
Posted by BlackFlag on Feb. 26 2002,18:48
| Quote |
| 1LT- Shut the fuck up already. Now there's a rallying cry for the masses. |
Amen.
And yes, i do get your alledged 'humor', but it just doesn't work.
Posted by kuru on Feb. 26 2002,21:11
1LT:It seems to be just about the same as being an instructor. All it takes is one offended student to scream about me doing something wrong.
I even have to be careful not to use some of the descriptions that are in the book because they could be 'taken the wrong way.'
People get offended way too easily.
Posted by veistran on Feb. 26 2002,21:27
I wish there were more women like kuru or at least more that are more open minded like kuru.
Posted by Jynx on Feb. 26 2002,21:57
Hey, BF --Please, please please just take your whiny little forum-nazi pre-pubescent attitude elsewhere.
Please.
Posted by 1LT on Feb. 27 2002,14:42
YawnKuru- agreed.
Veistran- they're out there.
This is getting stale, I ought to start an irrelevant topic in Flame Editor and see who whines. Or not.
Posted by kuru on Feb. 28 2002,18:27
1LT: Yes, gone are the days when I merely had to ask the other guys who worked in the garage to please not throw out my box of tampons so they could stack up their copies of Hustler.They were nice about because I didn't ask them to get rid of of the magazines, just give me 6" square of space to put my stuff.
Posted by Uberkommando on Feb. 28 2002,23:00
Story time.Back where I'm from, in Kaiserslautern Germany, they have a combination paintball field and rifle range in one location. I'm only a paintballer, so I can't say much about the range. Well, there's this rig trailer down on the paintball field where the staff used to serve out paint and air, until they moved their operation up to the skeet range where they had heating.
One day, while walking down the hill to the fields, we saw the rig had a huge hole blown out on both sides of it. We figured that one of the CO2 tanks exploded, or some such thing.
Talked to the staff, and they said somebody got their hands on a LAW and blew the shit out of the trailer.
Now, I'm no expert, but if you're got a rocket launcher and only one shot to use, couldn't you think of something much better to use it on than an abandoned rig trailer?
Posted by BlackFlag on Mar. 01 2002,00:12
let me get this straight.....first you say
| Quote |
| Yeah, I'm gloating. Here's your opportunity to rant. |
when i do so, you say
| Quote |
| Dipshit. Read the FUCKING title. Pay attention. |
What am i missing here?
Were you not expecting anyone to actually accept your invitation? (i must admitt i was awestruck by your cleverness.)
Or were you expecting someone to flame you for gloating about how cool you are instead of posting in the wrong forum? Fuckit, i flamed you for both.
Why are you douchebags acting like im the fucking retard for missing the punchline to a joke that wasn't fucking funny?
When someone says shit like "im so cool, blah blah blah, oh by the way, feel free to flame me for being such a wonderfully egotistical bastard tee hee hee..." i find it hard to refuse.
1LT's original post is nothing more than an overglorified troll, which failed to generate any negative response untill yours truely got sick of all you limp dicks congradulating each other on having discharged a firearm at some point in your lives. At least the assanine shit i post doesn't reek of cooler-than-thou.
Posted by 1LT on Mar. 01 2002,10:16
Hmmm.. Tampons and Hustler. Support vaginal pride! You worked in a garage, I'm guessing that these were in the bathroom. I'm impressed that you continued to use it. You should've mixed in some alternate reading materials. As a PCS present for my last PA, the Brigade Surgeon and I covered his office with Bestial, Gay, and Fat Chick porn. Just to make sure it was the gift that kept on giving, we placed it in his reference books and the various pockets of his equipment. He'll be finding that shit for weeks.
Yeah, an easy joke, but it was fun.
BTW- Most men fantasize about women they see on a regular basis. The real spanking in that bathroom wasn't done to Hustler.
Uberkommando- You're from K-town? No shit. Army Brat? I have a feeling they were bullshitting about the LAW. Unless you also heard about someone inappropriately obtaining one or losing one. People like to talk. One of the new LTs had his NVGs stolen while at Hohenfels. People from different battalions know who this guy is.
Concerning the use, though, think of all the stop signs with bullet holes. It's not exactly the same, but people like to fuck-up dumb shit
Posted by kuru on Mar. 01 2002,17:14
I worked for the Dept. of Transportation. Was assigned to a maintenance crew that had to fix pot-holes and that kind of shit. On breaks I used to sit at the garage table with them and look at their skin books. They had a few Playboys too, which always have good jokes and decent articles so I was never short for reading material. I'm fairly sure I featured in more than one 'this chick might be a lesbian' bathroom spank-offs.
And hell yeah I continued to use the bathroom. Where else was I gonna piss? (And before you get to that, yes, if we were out on the road all day and I had to go, I pissed in the woods or behind a truck.)
Posted by veistran on Mar. 01 2002,20:20
/me thinks kuru can write her name in the snow 
Posted by kuru on Mar. 02 2002,01:42
It takes a bit of effort, but it's not impossible.
Posted by Spydir on Mar. 02 2002,02:35
women can pee standing. I've seen it...I was with some friends at the mall and went to the bathroom, then a girl hanging out with us comes in, walks up to the urinal, and says "it's to damned crowded in the ladies room" and just starts doing whatever she did... must say, it was interesting, but nothing I'd want to see everyday.
Posted by veistran on Mar. 03 2002,19:17
The nice thing to know about women being able to piss standing up is they have better than avg control of the ol' pc muscle.
Posted by Wolfguard on Mar. 03 2002,20:33
That or they are using someone elses pen...
Posted by veistran on Mar. 04 2002,02:01
| Quote (Wolfguard @ 03 Mar. 2002,14:33) |
| That or they are using someone elses pen... |
...I just had this really bad mental flashback to this pr0n someone sent me as a gag. Some stupid bitch taking it in her urethra.
Posted by 1LT on Mar. 04 2002,17:17
Damn. Must be small. As for the porn slut, if she wants to be violated in different holes, more power to her. This reminds me, I've got to go back to Switzerland. I passed this huge porn store on my way from Zurich to Bern. There's got to be better shit than what's on German TV.
Sidenote- If you like the artwork of HR Giger, try to get to his Museum. Good stuff.
Posted by Nikita on Mar. 04 2002,19:39
| Quote (1LT @ 04 Mar. 2002,12:17) |
| Sidenote- If you like the artwork of HR Giger, try to get to his Museum. Good stuff. |
Giger *SO* rocks. Those art book of his are so damned expensive though ... but once I get a decent-paying job, I'm going to get some of those ... and the Sandman series ...
Posted by veistran on Mar. 04 2002,21:11
| Quote (1LT @ 04 Mar. 2002,09:17) |
| Damn. Must be small. As for the porn slut, if she wants to be violated in different holes, more power to her. This reminds me, I've got to go back to Switzerland. I passed this huge porn store on my way from Zurich to Bern. There's got to be better shit than what's on German TV. Sidenote- If you like the artwork of HR Giger, try to get to his Museum. Good stuff. |
actually it was a pretty well hung african american man that she was taking in there. Stupid, in that, that's some pretty delicate tissue in there and that's some pretty rough treatment... it's asking for some kind of problem. As far as wrongness, it's not like it was bestiality or kp. Those would be far more inherently wrong.
Posted by ic0n0 on Mar. 04 2002,22:27
Now is a good time to mention that I don’t like guns, I am fine with other people having them but I am so incompetent I couldn’t rule of the possibility of blowing my out.
Posted by fatalbert on Mar. 05 2002,00:14
whoa, I never even thought of that...
Posted by 1LT on Mar. 05 2002,16:57
Nikita- Have your boyfriend send you a ticket. His museum is not that far from the French border. It's between Geneve and Bern. You might want to check out Zdzislaw Beksinski. Can anyone think of other obscure Euro amusement?
ie. I found the rubble strewn field that supposedly held Slaughterhouse 5. Vonnegut is great.
veistran- I don't think I said it was wrong, I have no problem with people getting off in different ways. Go check out the Genitorturers in concert. Or the Voluptuous Horror of Karen Black.
Posted by veistran on Mar. 06 2002,04:54
I didn't mean to imply you thought it was wrong I was saying a far as wrongness goes from my viewpoint, it wasn't anywhere near that of bestiality and kp.
Posted by 1LT on Mar. 06 2002,06:16
No problem.I didn't realize how disconnected I've been. TVHKB broke up last year. I still recommend seeing the Genitoturers if anyone gets a chance. If you're lucky, they'll play more stuff off the first album.