Topic: Exit Rows
started by: askheaves
Posted by askheaves on Jan. 01 2002,06:30
I get to the airport in Minneapolis this morning, and i'm god damn tired because i went to bed at 2, and woke up at 6. Check in through the long winding line with extra bags of christmas presents. I get through security without them harrassing me for my new dart board. An hour after walking in the door, I'm at the gate waiting to get on the plane. Finally, the pre-boarding begins. I have an exit row seat, so I get to get on the plane first 
The Airbus 320 has 2 exit rows, with doors on both sides of the plane, 3 seats each for a total of 12 people. Now, in this heightened state of affairs, it's probably a good idea to populate the exit rows with strapping young men, who aren't afraid to grab the 33 pound door, chuck it out the opening, deploy the chute, and hurl people out of the plane to safety. I feel proud to be one of the people in this position. In fact, when you buy the ticket and get a seat assignment, they ask you if you're ok with having an exit row and if you think you can perform the duties... which I proudly can. And, for this task, you get the added reward of having a little bit of extra leg room.
So, the stage being set, you expect to sit next to 11 other burly men (yeah... that's some bulging muscles I'm typing with), and not people so shallow that they take the seats just for the leg room. When I board the plane, I walk to the seat, stow my extra baggage, and sit down to read the 'exit row card' stowed right in front of me, because I want to be ready in the god-forsaken event of an emergency. I figure that extra minute I took could help me save a few more lives, plus, I learned a few things about my duties. That's when I started to become disturbed.
Down the isle and toward the seats comes an OLD man and his wife, and the man sits next to me, the woman sits in the exit row ahead of me. I'm thinking, that's OK, because 10 burly men can take care of things if problems occur. Then, more old people get on the plane and start taking their seats in the exit rows. I came to the realization that I was the only person under 60 sitting in the highly coveted, yet all important exit row seats. In fact, the guy sitting next to me was hard of hearing, had big thick glasses on, and more liver spots than... I don't know, duck patte? The guy next to him is reading a book called "The Transplant"... the guy was either getting ready for, or just after a HEART TRANSPLANT!!!
So, the exit rows are now clogged with 11 old people and me... they got the seats for the leg-room, the fucks. They knew the system, and they took advantage of it. I knew that if there was an emergency, first off, they'd probably all have a simultaneous heart attack and I'd have to hurl their bodies out so the others could get out, plus, I'd be opening all sorts of doors and stuff. The stewardess came up and looked at us, took a beat, then said, "You're all seated in an exit row, you understand? Do you all feel that you can fulfill the duties in the event of an emergency, and you don't feel you need to be reseated?" She gave me a defeated look as the 11 people responded in a resounding groan of body parts collapsing. I gave her a smirk and a shoulder shrug, and she was on her way.
So, my rants are aimed at 2 groups of people:
1. The old fucks who clog up the emergency exits so that they can let their legs stretch out 3 inches more.
and b. The airline personel who have no problem with this and don't demand that they be reseated, not taking seriously the jobs in which they have chosen, with the lives of a hundred people on the line.
Alright, it's not all that bad, but I felt like writing, and this at least irked me a little bit.
Posted by Wolfen on Jan. 01 2002,06:37
Disturbing....Yet funny.
Posted by Dark Knight Bob on Jan. 02 2002,00:23
should have actually tried to give them heart attacks so the fuckers die anywayz save you the effort later.
Posted by incubus on Jan. 02 2002,19:22
I feel for you. Old people do generally take the piss, push to front of queues, etc. Balls to that, I'll happily lecture them