Forum: Rants
Topic: Canadian Rant
started by: j0eSmith

Posted by j0eSmith on Jul. 28 2000,23:12
My name is Bob, and I am Canadian.

I am a minority in Vancouver, Banff, and every casino in this country.

I was born in 1972, yet I am responsible for some Native's great great grandfather who screwed himself out of his land in the 1800's.

I pay import tax on cars made in Ontario.

I am allowed to skydive and smoke, but not allowed to drive without a seat belt.

All the money I make up until mid July must go to paying taxes.

I live and work among people who believe Americans are ignorant.

These same people cannot name this country's new Territory.

Although I am sometimes forced to live on Kraft Dinner and don't have a pot to piss in, I sleep well knowing that I've helped purchase a nice six figure home in Vancouver for some unskilled Chinese refugee.

Although they are unpatriotic and constantly try to separate, Quebec still provides my nation's Prime Ministers.

95\% of my nation's international conflicts are over fish.

I'm supposed to call black people African Canadians, although I'm sure none of them have ever been to Africa, or east of Halifax for that matter.

I believe that paying a 200\% tax on alcohol is fair.

I believe that same tax on gasoline is also fair.

Even if I have no idea what happened to that old rifle my grandfather gave me when I was 14, I will be considered a criminal if I don't register it.

I DO know Jeff from Toronto.

I often badmouth the United States, and then vacation there three times a year.

I'm led to believe that some lazy ass unionized broom pusher who makes ฮ an hour is underpaid and therefore must go on strike, but paying บ an hour to someone who works 12 hour shifts at forty below on an oil rig is fair.

I believe that paying ฮ million for 3 stripes (The Voice of Fire) by the National Art Gallery was a good purchase, even though 99\% of this country didn't want it, or will ever see it.

When I look at my pay stub and realize that I take home a third of what I actually make, I say "Oh well, at least we have better health care than the Americans"

I must bail out farmers when their crops are too wet or too dry, because I control the rain.

My National Anthem has versions in both official languages, and I don't know either of them.

Canada is the highest taxed nation in North America, the biggest military buffer for the United States, and the number one destination
for fleeing boat people.

I am not an angry white male. I am an angry broke taxpayer.

My name is Bob, and I am Canadian.

(No my name isn't Bob.. its Greg..)

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When my flying days are over, and my death has come to pass
I hope they bury me upside down, so the whole damn world can kiss my ass


Posted by Firefox on Jul. 30 2000,01:03
I agree with a lot of stuff you say. Maybe with a federal government change, things can actually improve (hint hint)...

The taxes in Canada are terrible. At least they aren't as bad as Sweden (some Swedish pay 75\% income tax I think).

So you think it's fair that since we have a publically funded healthcare system, where every hospital bill is essentially payed for by the people, that you should be able to injure yourself and make us pay? And while on the topic, I think that smokers and thrill seekers who injure themselves should pay their own costs too.

A lot of Canadians are just as ignorant as they think the rest of the world is. Instead of being good people, they just assume it's a god given right of citizenship.

Immigration is another issue we face- but lets face it. Canada is so young that most of us are still relatively fresh immagrants (2-3 generations).

I live in Calgary, and there are lots of black people here. Sure, nowhere near the levels of the US, but what does number of people have to do with addressing them properly? If there was a single minority living in a region, does that mean they are do be treated like dirt because there is only one of them?

Alcohol taxes are bad, but gas taxes are even worse. If the federal government put most of that gas tax money back into improving transportation infrastructure (roads, highways, etc.) then I wouldn't even mind it as much.

Unions are a mixed bag. In principle, they are a good idea. In practice, often they are far from perfect. I think that union leaders are largely to blame for that (their egos get in the way of what they are actually supposed to be doing- making their members happy).

Well, we subsadize most things in Canada (not neccesarily a good thing)- I'll bet that almost all of the money that Alberta supplies to the federal government through equalization payments ends up in the hands of unemployed east coast fishermen... So why not support the people that grow our food?

The only person to blame for not knowing your national anthem is you. What, do you expect the government to pay people to travel around the country teaching it to people? That's JUST what canada needs...

Military buffers are irrelevant in today's high-tech warefare world. With ICBM's and other long ranged weaponry with pinpoint accuracy, who needs a land buffer?

But even so, I agree with a lot that you say. Canada is definately a mixed bag- it seems to be a great place to live if you feel mistreated by the world, but seems to be a bad place to be if you are just an average Joe (no pun intended) who has done reasonably well for themself.

Then again, Canada has been ranked #1 in the United Nations Human Development Index (best place to live) for what, 4 straight years? I guess we're doing SOMETHING right...

-FFox

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ICQ: 436346

"A christian, an anarchist-slash-prostitute, figures out the true meaning of freedom. Not freedom like America, freedom like a shopping cart."
-NOFX


Posted by kuru on Aug. 31 2000,11:05
i like canada because... i don't live there.

it's a great place to visit, there's that hockey hall of fame and all. oh and chinatown.. wait, there's one of those in nyc too. um, where was i going with this?

is this one of those 'grass is always greener' things?

i'm sure you could find quite a few americans who wanna bitch about taxes in the usa or how all the politically correct crap is turning kids into murderers because they never get punished when they do something wrong.....but that's a whole n'other rant there.

yeah so um, reasons why canada is great to someone who doesn't live there.

can buy alcohol at 19, 18, something like that.

it's not real hard to get into canada, and not real hard to get back out.

not a whole lot of canadians sneaking across the border at night, tearing holes through fences with wire cutters.

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kuru
'if your children ever found out how lame you are, they'd kill you in your sleep.' -frank zappa


Posted by Sithiee on Aug. 31 2000,11:59
youre not one of those capital punishment people are you? have you ever heard the phrase "Better to let 1000 guilty men go free than to kill an innocent one"?
Posted by Bozeman on Aug. 31 2000,13:04
Well said, Sithee
Posted by starduck on Aug. 31 2000,13:54
yeah, here in BC every week a hiker gets lost in the mountains, and it costs us 10 million to send out a search party for 5 days...you'd think they'd be a bit smarter, stay to the trails. however, you gotta sympathize with them a bit.
Posted by kuru on Aug. 31 2000,15:37
quote:
Originally posted by Sithiee:
youre not one of those capital punishment people are you? have you ever heard the phrase "Better to let 1000 guilty men go free than to kill an innocent one"?

if you meant me, i was kinda talkin more about punishin kids for the shit they do wrong BEFORE they become murderers. teach them responsibility and a respect for others. that kinda thing.

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kuru
'if your children ever found out how lame you are, they'd kill you in your sleep.' -frank zappa


Posted by kai on Aug. 31 2000,23:16
hey this reminds me. this morning on the radio i heard that canada has the best pot. just thought i'd share.
Posted by Happyfish on Sep. 01 2000,06:48
<
This is pretty good... >
If that don't work (I think it should..) try < this > Look for I am Canadian..
Posted by Avalanche on Sep. 01 2000,09:56
Hey anyone see His internet help desk routine...fucking hilarious...
< http://www.deadtroll.com/stream.html >
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