Ikonboard » Printable Version of Topic » Stupid Bird! Leave me Alone!

Forum: Rants
Topic: Stupid Bird! Leave me Alone!
started by: jim

Posted by jim on Mar. 05 2001,18:47

About a week ago I was sitting at my computer desk and kept hearing this tapping sound on the window. I thought it was the bush branches tapping from the wind.

Finally it got so annoying I had to go look.

It turned out to be this damn red bird trying to fly through the glass.

I tapped on the glass and he flew away.

Couple minutes later he was back!

I shooed him away again. This went back and forth for about 10 minutes till I guess I lost my temper and shooed to hard!! I punched my hand threw the glass window! Yes, it sucked. Sliced my wrist open.

At least I have storm windows on my house, so there is still one pane of glass keeping it from being an open windows.

Well here it is. A week later and that damn bird still beats his head against the glass. All day I presume. At least everytime I go into the computer room he's there...

Fucking bird!

Everytime I go outside to kill his ass, he wisely flys away.

I may have to just shoot my tweleve gauge through the glass and end this once and for all.

How long to damn red birds live? Maybe he'll die naturally soon... Ugh....

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jim
Beauty is in the eye of the Beer Holder
< Brews and Cues >

Posted by DeadAnztac on Mar. 05 2001,18:56

Put a strobe in that window, that or pull some blinds down, something that will wither scare the bird or make it think it's a wall. (they don't seem to get the concept of windows too well yet)

Posted by pengu1nn on Mar. 05 2001,19:20

hahahahahaha

the thought of jim shoeing away a bird is funny as hell. hehehe

hehehe
i still can't quit laughing

Posted by Dark Knight Bob on Mar. 05 2001,19:31

can you open the window so it smacks the bird in the face and makes it fall to its doom? either that o set a whole load of fly paper out so it cant fly away and then you just smack its head in

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Hey DKB shu'p with all that jibba jabber ya crazy foo!

Posted by askheaves on Mar. 05 2001,19:55

I'm thinking electricity. I don't think a red bird would notice a grid of metal, cleaverly laid on the window sill, attached by leads to a couple of car batteries in series. It's those orangish brown ones that would figure it out. Or, you could deconstruct a bug zapper, but hook it to a neon light driver.

Posted by Dark Knight Bob on Mar. 05 2001,20:04

rofl. just got the image in my head of the bird tap tap tapping while it unknowingly stares down a shotgun and a few seconds later thers just a few feathers floating about

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Hey DKB shu'p with all that jibba jabber ya crazy foo!

Posted by solid on Mar. 05 2001,21:39

Actually the reason why the bird does that is because it sees its reflection in the glass and it's also trying to find a mate.. or something like that.

Discovery channel.

Posted by askheaves on Mar. 05 2001,22:05

Well, there you go, jim. Just mate with the bird, and it won't have any reason to be there. Problem Solved (tm)

Posted by Sithiee on Mar. 05 2001,23:22

tape an array of nails to the window, it will fly in, and kill itself, then drop the tape array into the garbage...

Posted by CatKnight on Mar. 06 2001,08:12

somebody has [lewis black]anger issues[/lewis black]

Posted by Neophyre on Mar. 06 2001,08:31

i was thinking maybe some nice razor blades.
Perhaps some small pipe bombs.
birdie comes = jim detonates pipe bombs.
how bout napalm grenades?
gas grenades?
concussion grenades?
nail grenades?

jeez i've been playin too much Team Fortress...

Posted by Dark Knight Bob on Mar. 06 2001,21:01

sniper kick the bitch!!!

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Hey DKB shu'p with all that jibba jabber ya crazy foo!

Posted by Neophyre on Mar. 06 2001,21:23

hehe damn AA's...

or u could Disguise, colour:red, class: bird, then knife him in the back

Posted by fire_502 on Mar. 06 2001,22:17

ok, i could be on crack, but if i remember right, i think female cardinals aren't red, or aren't as bright or something. anyway, if the females are not red, you could probably put some fake little red bird outside your window and then the bird would think it's a male and not fly over there to mate with it. or when in doubt, get a gun.

Posted by damien_s_lucifer on Mar. 07 2001,04:23

adopt it. birds are really cool pets.

Posted by Blain on Mar. 07 2001,06:15

Put some glue on the window. Then leave it as a warning for other birds.

Posted by DeadAnztac on Mar. 07 2001,18:34

Yeah blain, but then you have that whole problem of necrophillia among the birds that ussually don't get any.

Posted by fatbitch on Mar. 09 2001,04:01

HAHA

Posted by L33T_h4x0r_d00d on Mar. 12 2001,12:04

I had the same damn problem with a fucked up red bird my freshman year of HS. He banged his fucking head against my window on and off for 2 days. Then I found something that worked really well.

A REALLY BIG RAT TRAP.

If hes doing it the same way it happened to me. Its a ground floor window. He sits on the ground and then hops up and bashes his head into the window a couple of times. Then he lands again. I got a rat trap that was 6-8 inches long. I put it right in front of the window and left.

He came back banged his head twice and then SNAP. No more problem.

Hope it helps.

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Chastity is curable, if detected early.
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

Posted by Spydir Web on Mar. 12 2001,22:42

just open the window. Let the S.O.B. fly in. Then shut the window. pump all the air out of the room, leave for a couple hours (just to be save). Do this to a couple birds. Get a nail gun. Nail by wing feathers to the roof the garage, or some high place near your office (or where ever your talking about). Let sit until christmas (really good if you live somewhere where it gets hot during the summer).

Or go taxidermy (spelling?) on the little bird.

for the cuts, I'd recommend not punching glass windows. if it was bad enough, get a bunch of bandages and crap from the doctor, they practically hand the shit out. Get a whole freggin' lot more then you really need. If any birds come back, do the taxidermy thing, just cover the bird with some bandages and crap like in the cartoons...

fire_502 - female cardinals are actually a lightish brown color, it's the males that are the red.

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Spydir Web - < http://netsyndrome.net/spydirweb/ >
Net Syndrome - < http://www.netsyndrome.net/ >

All your base... CAN SUCK MY SWEETY BALLS YOU SICK FUCK!

Posted by Sithiee on Mar. 12 2001,23:07

quote:
Originally posted by Spydir Web:
pump all the air out of the room

what the fuck kind of house do you live in where pumping air out of a room is an option??

Posted by fire_502 on Mar. 13 2001,00:05

quote:
Originally posted by Spydir Web:
fire_502 - female cardinals are actually a lightish brown color, it's the males that are the red.

exactly...so putting a red bird outside would make the red bird NOT fly over...isn't that what i said?

Posted by Spydir Web on Mar. 13 2001,00:40

quote:
Originally posted by Sithiee:
what the fuck kind of house do you live in where pumping air out of a room is an option??

one made in the 70's so you couldn't... but it is kinna-sorta possible. put some towels under the door or something...

quote:
Originally posted by fire_502:
exactly...so putting a red bird outside would make the red bird NOT fly over...isn't that what i said?

Yeah, I was agreeing. It seemed like you were questioning what you were saying.

And this one just hit me - just sit there in the window. I don't mean litterally on the window sill, but just wait for it. when it comes and bangs it's head, just scream. Really loud. I did it at lunch today (screamed "PUNKASS!!" cuz a kid's owed me 3 dollars for a fucking month now, and he's paying me back in 50 cent installments...) and everyone just shut up for a while... should work the same with a bird.

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Spydir Web - < http://netsyndrome.net/spydirweb/ >
Net Syndrome - < http://www.netsyndrome.net/ >

All your base... CAN SUCK MY SWEETY BALLS YOU SICK FUCK!

Posted by darksol on Mar. 13 2001,04:55

why kill it at all?

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Estuan interius
ira vehementi

Posted by L33T_h4x0r_d00d on Mar. 13 2001,10:17

quote:
Originally posted by darksol:
why kill it at all?

Because he must........

Posted by Wolfguard on Mar. 13 2001,10:19

Just and observation

You guys know that this entire thread started because one person did not have the brains to out smart a bird.

Just wanted to point that out.

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Fucknuggets flamed while you wait.< TeamWolfguard.com >

Posted by aventari on Mar. 13 2001,16:14

"We had quite an ant problem at the Vineyard last year you know, so I had Art Garfunkel come by with his compressor and we created a total vacuum outside the house and blew all the ants out the front door."
"Quiet, you!"

Posted by jim on Mar. 13 2001,16:59

quote:
Originally posted by Wolfguard:
Just and observation
You guys know that this entire thread started because one person did not have the brains to out smart a bird.
Just wanted to point that out.

Whatever fucknugget.

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jim
Beauty is in the eye of the Beer Holder
< Brews and Cues >

Posted by DuSTman on Mar. 13 2001,17:00

Have you considered a scarecat?

Just get some fake fur from a local fabric shop, stich it together sloppily.. Scarecat!

Posted by Wolfguard on Mar. 14 2001,10:41

quote:
Originally posted by jim:
Whatever fucknugget.

come up with that your self sub-bird brain? Oh, wait, that is right from my tag-line.

Sub-bird brained and un-original.

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Fucknuggets flamed while you wait.< TeamWolfguard.com >

Posted by jim on Mar. 14 2001,14:36

Just wanted to make sure I used words you could understand.

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jim
Beauty is in the eye of the Beer Holder
< Brews and Cues >

Posted by Wolfguard on Mar. 14 2001,16:48

try some words of your own. open up the mind that the big bad bird was able to out smart and do your best.

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Fucknuggets flamed while you wait.< TeamWolfguard.com >

Posted by Neophyre on Mar. 14 2001,20:56

*ahem*
the term "fuck nugget" does not belong to Wolfguard.

My Macca's crew mates have used it way before.

Posted by fire_502 on Mar. 14 2001,22:26

is the bird still a problem?

Posted by j0eSmith on Mar. 14 2001,23:45

quote:
Originally posted by Neophyre:
*ahem*
the term "fuck nugget" does not belong to Wolfguard.
My Macca's crew mates have used it way before.

Oh shut the fuck up.

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When my flying days are over, and my death has come to pass
I hope they bury me upside down, so the whole damn world can kiss my ass

Posted by Wolfguard on Mar. 15 2001,12:09

quote:
Originally posted by Neophyre:
*ahem*
the term "fuck nugget" does not belong to Wolfguard.
My Macca's crew mates have used it way before.

Before what?

I was using it before you were born fucknugget (one word, asshole). So, unless you and you macca's crue were more than shitting your diapers in 84 you did not use it "way before". Unless you and your crue were beyond wondering why the best parts of you ran down the crack of your mothers ass and got eaten by the ants in 84 you did not use it "way before".

Got it, Fucknugget.

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Fucknuggets flamed while you wait.< TeamWolfguard.com >

Posted by Bozeman on Mar. 15 2001,12:42

quote:
Originally posted by Neophyre:
My Macca's crew mates have used it way before.

What's a Macca?

Posted by jim on Mar. 15 2001,12:56

Why so disgruntal Wolfguard?

Is it because you are over the hill, look like you still live in the 70's, and work at a mom and pop shop as a wanna be Network Admin?

It's ok... Not everyone can be cool.

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jim
Beauty is in the eye of the Beer Holder
< Brews and Cues >

Posted by Wolfguard on Mar. 15 2001,13:49

mom and pop shop? just a bit to global for that buddy. Granted the company is selling of bits fast we still have offices on evey continent.

And for your information im not "over the hill". I happen to be standing at the top and slowly rolling forward to the abyss.

I liked most of the 70's...all but that disco crap, that had to go.

As for cool. Who needs it.

Disgruntled? im always like this. Are you just now starting to notice? You are slow. No wonder you had problems out smarting a bird.

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Fucknuggets flamed while you wait.< TeamWolfguard.com >

Posted by L33T_h4x0r_d00d on Mar. 15 2001,14:09

quote:
Originally posted by Wolfguard:
And for your information im not "over the hill". I happen to be standing at the top and slowly rolling forward to the abyss.
I liked most of the 70's...all but that disco crap, that had to go.
As for cool. Who needs it.
Disgruntled? im always like this. Are you just now starting to notice? You are slow. No wonder you had problems out smarting a bird.

All that equals OLD. And your an honery old bastard too.

Posted by jim on Mar. 15 2001,14:16

quote:
Originally posted by Wolfguard:
im always like this.

Who said I just noticed?
I'm only just now pointing it out.
You must be slow.

And who says I can't out smart a bird? It's not a matter of out smarting it, it's a matter of catching it. And I can't fly, and I'm not stupid enough to camp outside my window and wait for it to fly up to me.

[Wolfguard logic]You can't out run a cheetah, that must make you stupid.[/Wolfguard logic]

For an old bastard you still have a lot of growing up to do.

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jim
Beauty is in the eye of the Beer Holder
< Brews and Cues >

Posted by Wolfguard on Mar. 15 2001,15:42

ah, but i am smart enough to know that if you dont run, a cheetah will not bother with you. if you dont move you are not acting like prey. If you are not acting like prey you are not prey. I dont have to be faster than a cheetah, im smarter than one.

I am also smart enough to know that if you leave the window open and put some netting in the opening so it forms a, well, net, the bird will fly in and catch itself. Face it, birds are not all that smart.

as for the last bit, i will grow old but i refuse to grow up. Grown ups have no fun at all.

edit, added last bit
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Fucknuggets flamed while you wait.< TeamWolfguard.com >

This message has been edited by Wolfguard on March 16, 2001 at 10:43 AM

Posted by jim on Mar. 15 2001,15:48

You only thought you were smart enough.

The bird doesn't fly into the bottom half of the window. Only the top.

I left the window open so he would fly into the room which would make it easy to catch him, but he won't. He just keeps bashing his head against the top half.

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jim
Beauty is in the eye of the Beer Holder
< Brews and Cues >

Posted by Wolfguard on Mar. 15 2001,15:55

normal type window where you push the bottom of the window up? if so the top should be able to be pushed down.

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Fucknuggets flamed while you wait.< TeamWolfguard.com >

Posted by jim on Mar. 15 2001,16:12

Yes it is a normal window.

No the top half does not go down. Never even heard of a window where both halves move.

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jim
Beauty is in the eye of the Beer Holder
< Brews and Cues >

Posted by fire_502 on Mar. 15 2001,16:34

the kinds of windows where both halves move are pretty old. i think they were designed so that in the summer you could open both top and bottom and the hotter air (which rises) can escape through the top window and the cooler air from outside can filter in through the bottom. but these days most people have airconditioners and heaters and don't have to worry about that stuff. plus half moving windows are probably easier and cheaper to make. i think storm windows still do that though.

Posted by jim on Mar. 15 2001,16:39

I have storm windows... But it's more like a window ontop of a window...
It's just an extra layer of glass...

For instance. To open my window, I have to lift the bottom half up, and then lift another bottom half up...

Maybe it's because mine aren't REALLY storm windows. I had windows and then had someone comeout and MAKE them storm windows by adding the extra layer.

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jim
Beauty is in the eye of the Beer Holder
< Brews and Cues >

Posted by hair on Mar. 16 2001,01:33

quote:
Originally posted by Wolfguard:
(1) Just and observation ... (2) unless you and you macca's crue ... (3) the fact that you actually said "crue" ... (4) just a bit to global for that buddy ... (5) the company is selling of bits fast

Five idiocies in only three posts, amazing! Speak of clearing the gene pool. And then you went on to say...

"I dont have to be faster than a cheetah, im smarter than one."

Well, it has yet to be proven.

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If the doors of perception were cleansed everything would appear to man as it is, infinite. - William Blake

Posted by Sithiee on Mar. 16 2001,02:06

not to say that i agree with wolfguard on this one (i dont think i really have a side) but how can you use stupid mistakes like that against anyone?? everyone fucks stuff up, when i was in fourth grade i went through this thing where i added the silent e to everything i wrote, like dog would become doge. i dont know why, but does that make me stupid because i made some odd mistakes? no. find a better way to discredit wolfguard, if not for yourself, then for me, please. it sickens me.

Posted by Wolfguard on Mar. 18 2001,15:24

Ok, so i have dislexia and better things to do with my life then run the spell checker. this is why i did not answer this on friday night. I was out in the real world with real people. You know the place, it's in the big blue room with the real high ceiling that has better things to do other than worry about spelling and grammer. Im sure you know the people. They are the ones that point at you and and say, "uptight loser".

if you had long hair in the 80's its crue as in motley.

quote:
Originally posted by hair:
"I dont have to be faster than a cheetah, im smarter than one."
Well, it has yet to be proven.

Well, my one experience with live Cheetahs and i did not get eaten. i guess im smarter than a cheetah.

Cool cats, make fucked up noises, a cross between a meow and a bark.

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Fucknuggets flamed while you wait.< TeamWolfguard.com >

Posted by Wolfguard on Mar. 18 2001,15:28

quote:
Originally posted by jim:
I have storm windows... But it's more like a window ontop of a window...
It's just an extra layer of glass...
For instance. To open my window, I have to lift the bottom half up, and then lift another bottom half up...
Maybe it's because mine aren't REALLY storm windows. I had windows and then had someone comeout and MAKE them storm windows by adding the extra layer.

ok, try this for the stupid bird, but it may be just as bad as the bird flying into the window. Hang a windchime in the middle of the window on the outside. the noise and the motion should keep the bird from flying at the window.

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Fucknuggets flamed while you wait.< TeamWolfguard.com >

Posted by jim on Mar. 18 2001,15:38

Trust me... Wind chimes are worse!!!!

I have one in the Front Yard and it drives me insane if the TV isn't turned up loud enough.

As far the bird goes.... I taped the whole outside of the window up with Cardboard... The window is in the backyard, so it doesn't make my house look ugly from the outside, and for now I don't care if that window is blocked off... Eventually the bird will die, or go away, and I can take the cardboard down....

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jim
Beauty is in the eye of the Beer Holder
< Brews and Cues >

Posted by Rhydant on Mar. 18 2001,16:24

jim. you live in texas. over there, you can go out and buy guns when your 12 at K-Mart. just go shoot it.

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...when you look long into an abyss, the abyss also looks into you
-- Friedrich Nietzsche

Posted by Rhydant on Mar. 18 2001,16:26

errr, i know theres no fun in it, but if its bugging you that much, put some sticky fly paper on the windom. with any luck, it'll get caught. then you can do what you wish with it.
by that, i mean tourturing it. then killing it.
...perverts.

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...when you look long into an abyss, the abyss also looks into you
-- Friedrich Nietzsche