I went to the grocery store the other day to buy milk, cheese, kool-aid, bologna (that's it's last name), bread, bananas, deodorant, and cotton balls (none of your damn business). Total bill: <ฤ Total time in store: 37 minutes. 37 minutes!?!??! you cry in disbelief. Yes, 37 agonizing minutes. First lets break down my shopping style. I know what I want before I enter the store. If I need items A,B,and C, I get items A,B,and C, then proceed to the checkout, pay, and leave. If I see something interesting between items, I decide whether or not to buy it while I'm walking. If yes, pick it up. If no, keep walking. Simple, efficient, low-drama. Why then did it take me 37 minutes for such a short list of items? The answer: Sunday Shoppers.

Similar to the Sunday Driver, the Sunday Shopper meanders slowly through the store, generally in the center of the aisle, without purpose or direction, usually directly in front of me. In a department store this is not as big of a deal, there no cart to maneuver and I can simply cut through ladies' lingerie (oooohhh...silky) and bypass the Sunday Shopper. In a grocery store, however...

You can't get around these people, you can't hint that they speed up or move aside, and trust me, ramming their heels with your cart is a very bad (bannable) idea. The only think you can hope for is to zip by them at the end of the aisle or when they edge to the the side. God forbid you should encounter two Sunday Shoppers passing in opposite directions. At least if you're in a grocery store you have food to keep you from starving to death waiting (unless you're in the toilet paper aisle, in which case I suggest stuffing at least one roll down your throat in an attempt to suffocate yourself before you starve to death). If you're in a department store aisle, just look for something with which to bludgeon yourself to death.

If you make it to the checkout aisle without missing a leap-year (congrats) you still have to deal with the "Checkout Idiocy" factor.
"There is no price tag on this item, could you check it for me?" No, there's no price on the item, but there was a price on the fucking shelf that it was sitting on!
"Let me just get my coupons." Yeah, out of a purse the size of the Jolly Green Giant's scrotum. Jesus lady, what do you have in there? It looks like my basement!
"Do you take checks?" Unfortunately yes, but we require that you only have 1 of the 2 necessary pieces of ID on you. You do? Great! We'll waste more of that guy behind you's time!
"I thought this Kool-Aid was on sale for .23 per packet, you charged me .25 per packet!" You bought 5 fucking packets! Here's a goddam dime out of my own pocket...JUST....MOVE!

Now don't let the classification of "Sunday Shopper" fool you, the bastards are out every day! Or at least, every day I have to do some shopping. Coincidence? Maybe not....and it's not paranoia if they're really out to get you.

37 minutes for a 5-minute shopping trip. As if I didn't waste enough of my own time...I don't need anyone else's help.

My solution: A bill I'm going to submit to the Indiana Congress: Every supermarket and department store should have a separate waiting area. When I (or anyone else on the "Not a mindless shopper" list enters any such store, everyone else has to go to the waiting area. It won't take long...I know what I have to get. (I'm also trying to tack on a similar clause for the highway).

You know what else I hate? Poison Ivy on the genitals. And it's none of your goddamn business how it got there! And yes, that's what the cotton balls are for.

</RANT>

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I can imagine a world with no hate, no crime, and no violence. I could also imagine us attacking that world because they'd never expect it.

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I may be paranoid, but not an Android.

A stupid fucking thread in rants? I must've misunderstood the purpose of this forum...I thought it was to sound off on stuff that makes you angry. My bad.

What kind of gum? And thanks for the offer of help...I usually can't get past the unwrapping part.

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I can imagine a world with no hate, no crime, and no violence. I could also imagine us attacking that world because they'd never expect it.

Man Rhydant, you really are in a pissy mood aren't you? So, if you don't start the thread, or it isn't on the small list of subjects you deam "worthwhile", you feel it is your obligation to tell everyone that you think the thread is stupid? No wonder people complain about the quality of posts here! They're talking about post like yours! You think the thread is stupid? How about your incredibly worthless "this thread is stupid" posts? What purpose do they serve? If stupid threads make you mad, you can start your own thread in this Rants section about how much stupid threads make you mad. Then we can all post to your thread about about how stupid it is and how stupid your are. Would that make you happy?

</rant>

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10 PRINT "HOME"
20 PRINT "SWEET"
30 GOTO 10

As for the Sunday Shoppers--I concur, but what's worse, my in-laws are the ultimate specimens. I just want to scream at them, "MOOOOOOOOVE!!!" My mother-in-law feels the desperate urge not only to look at EVERYTHING, but, no matter WHAT store she goes in, to buy something in that store. I am totally serious here. Someday I'm gonna send her into a sex toys store, just out of morbid curiosity.

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--Jynx

I used to be a kleptomanicac, but I took something for it.

quote:

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Originally posted by Nikita:
She'll get the :
1)studded leather crotchless panties.
2)Joe the Geriatric Gigolo
3)Debbie the Dirty Debutante
4)Orgy kit Deluxe

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quote:

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Originally posted by Nikita:
2)Joe the Geriatric Gigolo

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"Your Blue Fairy will make you a real boy, for I shall make her a real woman." - Gigolo Joe

Probably my favorite line from AI.

And for quick shopping surgical strikes, see if they have those baskets you can carry instead of using a shopping cart. That way it's easier to squeeze past the slow pokes.

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When 1337 hax0rs start impaling each other with swords and typing code with a hook on one hand, then they can modify the term "pirate."

quote:

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Originally posted by Observer:

And for quick shopping surgical strikes, see if they have those baskets you can carry instead of using a shopping cart. That way it's easier to squeeze past the slow pokes.

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True, but I just can't bring myself to carry the baskets...I'll either carry (read: juggle and almost drop) my few items or use a cart.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Dark-Angel99:
How come Rhydant doesn't like you? I find you really funny :D

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Never argue with and idiot...he may be doing the same thing

I've found that most people will move aside if you ask them politely.

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When 1337 hax0rs start impaling each other with swords and typing code with a hook on one hand, then they can modify the term "pirate."

Fuckers never move when i ask nicely. I aske nicely twice then they get the "Move the fuck out of the way granny!" when the look comes i just say, "Well, being nice was not working."

Take the cart and remember force = mass * acceleration. Show them what this means.(Ramming Speed!)

I hate shopping on sunday...

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Fucknuggets flamed while you wait.< TeamWolfguard.com >
< Robot Conflict >

I think a better equation would be Momentum = Mass * Velocity.

</CatKnight>

Couldn't resist. I know you were thinking it, CK.

shop in 24hr stores after you get out of your late shift.