i have a question, are girls really dumb? i mean theres this girl i like a lot, and ive made it quite obvious im interested in a uhh...more inimate relationship, and yet she still goes into details about things she does to try to get a boyfriend. i mean, im pretty blatant to the point where i actually said "you are really hot, i would want to date you."...was that not obvious?...oh well, i guess all i really need is my hand.

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"The causes we know everything about depend on the causes we know nothing about, which depend on the causes we know absolutely nothing about."- Tom Stoppard

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Where is that tubby bitch??

Ingeneral though, I don't think friends should dates friends Xs under almost any circumstance...

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<P:\>erson\Guy.exe -PersonGuy *pERSONgUY.cfg
< http://www.go.to/personguy >

from the sounds of the relationship your friend had with this girl though, he was likely to blame for the breakup. are you sure she's not just flirting with you to make him jealous and want her back?

some grrls are nice and some grrls are manipulative bitches. same goes for guys though - you should see some of the people i've dated and the crap i've put up with. it's ridiculous!

i agree with chrissy regarding the advances on the girl - if she's not responding, she's either too shy, in denial, clueless, or avoiding you. you've got to make a solid approach and confront her with your feelings - not just try to flirt your feelings - some people just don't see the "signs".

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PEBKAC: Problem exists between keyboard and chair.

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"The causes we know everything about depend on the causes we know nothing about, which depend on the causes we know absolutely nothing about."- Tom Stoppard

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The gene pool has no life guard, support the GPPTF (Gene Pool Purification Task Force)
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Past and future pr0n star :)

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sithiee:
yeah, thats the only reason i havent done anything yet...i mean my brain gives a convincing argument, but so does my penis, stupid dilemmas.

---

Ah, god's great joke. He gave man a brain and a penis but only enough blood to use one at a time.

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The gene pool has no life guard, support the GPPTF (Gene Pool Purification Task Force)
< http://www.geocities.com/jgoeke610/ >
Past and future pr0n star :)

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"The causes we know everything about depend on the causes we know nothing about, which depend on the causes we know absolutely nothing about."- Tom Stoppard

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"The causes we know everything about depend on the causes we know nothing about, which depend on the causes we know absolutely nothing about."- Tom Stoppard

unless... nevermind, don't need to give Chrissy ideas.

Here's mine. We ALL suck. The trick is to find someone who desn't suck too much. (...or maybe not, depending on where you get your kicks..)

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"Sometimes I sits and thinks, but most times I justs sits." - Me.

Its either that or move to an Abby.

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The gene pool has no life guard, support the GPPTF (Gene Pool Purification Task Force)
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Past and future pr0n star :)

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"The causes we know everything about depend on the causes we know nothing about, which depend on the causes we know absolutely nothing about."- Tom Stoppard

[This message has been edited by Chrissy (edited June 16, 2000).]

It aint only girls who have them, we guys have them too. How the fuck do you think we guys feel when we get dumped by some chick who then goes and starts dating our best friend before the day is out? huh?

TURN ABOUT IS FAIR PLAY.

They do it to us and hurt our feelings, why the fuck shouldnt we do it back huh?

Maybe if girls stopped being such asses with us then we'd stop being such asses with them.

And no, I'm not blaming it all on women, just for the most part, in this situation at least, its them who start it.

I'm in a position to speak on this coz it's happened to me so many times I cant remember how many exactly, out of every girl I've been with, I've never finished with one of them, they've always finished with me and then gone off and started screwin around with one of my best friends. It aint nice is it guys? and no, it sure aint nice for the girls either.

What I want to know is, if everyone is expected to do everything that makes everyone else happy, and not hurt them or their feelings, why are there racists in the world? why are there wars going on? why me? why you? why them? why this? why that?

Why.. because nobody gives a crap deep down, it's all about gettin ahead with the majority (and i'm speakin at LEAST 90\% of the WORLD) of people, those of us that arent all about gettin ahead, you can contact us on these bulletin boards, coz we're practically the only ones that seem to give a shit.

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When darkness calls and the pain and suffering begin again, you can guarantee that I shall be the instigator.
-
Kevin "Kayy" Beadle, The Proprietor and Innovator of Kayyos-Vx WebDesigns.

And Kayy- your right it does hurt just as much for the guys it happens to as for the girls.

I just kind of wish that people would be more respectful of others- it would make the world better.

Im a big believer in the "golden rule" y'know
"Do unto others as you would have others do unto you"
that doesn't mean if someone stabs you in the back that you by all rights have a reason to do it to them. No in fact it means that when someone does that to you that you should treat them with kindness because it is how you would want to be treated. I think sometimes it's hard to look at things in a mature perspective (oh believe me I know)but if everyone did that things would be different.

I know Im living a pipe dream but let me have my dreams.

Where have all the good guys gone who don't fuck their ex's friends (and the same goes for girls)? I'm beginning to lose hope here.
=(

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"The causes we know everything about depend on the causes we know nothing about, which depend on the causes we know absolutely nothing about."- Tom Stoppard

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Just your generic meaningless signature. Mix with 2 quarts water and stir till evenly coated.

And does anyone else fine the phrase
"it just happened" a little disconserting?

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"The causes we know everything about depend on the causes we know nothing about, which depend on the causes we know absolutely nothing about."- Tom Stoppard

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Just your generic meaningless signature. Mix with 2 quarts water and stir till evenly coated.

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"The causes we know everything about depend on the causes we know nothing about, which depend on the causes we know absolutely nothing about."- Tom Stoppard

I'm starting to like you too

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Just your generic meaningless signature. Mix with 2 quarts water and stir till evenly coated.

It's an excuse yes, but it's not something that they can be blamed for. When a child is molested it's not thier fault. It's a known fact that kids that were molested can grow up to be child molestors too. When that happens to a kid something just breaks and they grow up to be screwed in the head. I'm not saying that it's right, but to say that the fact that they were molested as a kid had nothing to do with it seems cruel.

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< www.slapmahfro.net >
ya know ya wanna slap it ...

Hell-I see yer point man

Its like this
"We're sorry Chrissy, it just happened"

like what
"Oops I tripped next thing I knew we were fucking"
that kind of crap doesn't "just happen" Its a load of shit!!!
I don't know maybe I'm trying to find a real reason why my friend decided to go after my ex. I should just let it go but it's getting harder.

Question: "What do you think is the best course of action now?"

Ive spoken to them both and got the answers of
"It just happened"
"I'm sorry"
and
"Stop worrying about it"

All the crap leads to something Im sure- I just don't know what it is yet.

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"The causes we know everything about depend on the causes we know nothing about, which depend on the causes we know absolutely nothing about."- Tom Stoppard

Think about it ... if they were really your friends they'd feel really bad about it. By making it seem like they had no control over the situation they take all the blame off themselves.

It's the same thing when people get drunk/high and do something stupid. "But I was drunk/high" they say ... yes, and who forced you to do that? It's the same here, I think they're just trying to make themselves feel better about the situation.

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< www.slapmahfro.net >
ya know ya wanna slap it ...

I mean I agree it would be worse if he and I were still together and then they went at it. But honest to God this hurts too. Yet I think I have more potential to forgive him then to forgive her. Am I wrong about that?

Whatever happened to
Loyalty
Honesty
and Trust?
I'm beginning to think that no woman has these qualities in them (of course myself excluded). I should just stop hanging out with girls. But I find men to be no better really...
ugh the frustration of it all

If I hear one more time that "I couldn't help it" or anything in that vain I'm gonna shoot the next MoFo who says it. And I think I really mean that.

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"The causes we know everything about depend on the causes we know nothing about, which depend on the causes we know absolutely nothing about."- Tom Stoppard

I also totally agree with you that loyalty and trust are damn hard to find these days. I had a friend do this to me once back when we were in high school. I eventually worked things out with the friend (once they broke up b/c she realized I had done that for a reason) but not after making her do a fair amount of groveling. And that's when you finally get to feel a little bit better about the situation, when she realizes what a bitch she's been.

[This message has been edited by nautilus (edited June 18, 2000).]

quote:

---

Originally posted by eng_man:
Hrm .. I agree that everything has a cause and effect, but that child molestation thing was just wrong.

It's an excuse yes, but it's not something that they can be blamed for. When a child is molested it's not thier fault. It's a known fact that kids that were molested can grow up to be child molestors too. When that happens to a kid something just breaks and they grow up to be screwed in the head. I'm not saying that it's right, but to say that the fact that they were molested as a kid had nothing to do with it seems cruel.

---

While that is true, we still are responsible for our actions, and I think that that is used far too much to excuse wrong behavior these days. We all have the ability to chose what we do, and most of us know the difference between right and wrong. While there may be extenuating circumstances in any situation, it's still no good to come up with excuses for behavior that is just plain inconsiderate or wrong, I don't care how many times your father spanked you when you were growing up!

That's what I meant by what I said. And I do know a little about psycology: while it is true that people who have been molested as children may have a bent towards being molestors, there are a lot more factors involved than just that, and frequently a large factor is that the person feels justified for doing what he knows is wrong because it was done to him. But he knows it is wrong, therefore he has full responsibility and no excuses. I hope that's clear enough, I'm not sure if it quite captures what I meant. Sorry

Anyways, at least we can be honest about it when we screw up, rather than trying to come up with excuses all the time. That's what I was driving at in the first place. If people would do that, it would be a lot better world and a lot easier to forgive people for doing something that hurts you.

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Just your generic meaningless signature. Mix with 2 quarts water and stir till evenly coated.

quote:

---

Originally posted by Chrissy:
Whatever happened to
Loyalty
Honesty
and Trust?

---

This is the year 2000, people dont give a shit anymore.

Hey, I'm sorry to put it so bluntly, but you get used to people stealing your gf/bf and you get used to people dating your ex's, you grow numb to it.

Besides, it's their lives, you cant expect them to live with the same morals and respect as yourself can you? otherwise it wouldnt be their life, it'd be yours.

If they want to be stupid, let them get on with it, if you got friends like that, then they aint worthy of being your friend are they? no, you pretty much answered that with your original posts on the matter.

Plus, if they are gonna go do this, they werent worthy of being with you in the first place.

Let them ruin their own lives, dont let them ruin yours too.

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When darkness calls and the pain and suffering begin again, you can guarantee that I shall be the instigator.
-
Kevin "Kayy" Beadle, The Proprietor and Innovator of Kayyos-Vx WebDesigns.

I got your point, people should not make excuses for their actions. I just think you coulda used a better example than child molestation. *shrug*

To each, his own

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< www.slapmahfro.net >
ya know ya wanna slap it ...

They may have been able to justify what they did by saying things like "She never really loved me" "She'll get over it" "She treated me like crap" "She was a total bitch" etc but they know in their hearts it's not true. And the harder it is for them to accept that about me the harder it will be for them to sustain hurting me.

In truth I don't want them to break up- I hope they are happy together (we all deserve that) but in the long and short of it- they have to think what they sacrificed for it.

Now you see what I mean?

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"The causes we know everything about depend on the causes we know nothing about, which depend on the causes we know absolutely nothing about."- Tom Stoppard

quote:

---

Originally posted by eng_man:
I got your point, people should not make excuses for their actions. I just think you coulda used a better example than child molestation. *shrug*

To each, his own

---

Perhaps I could have found a better example, it wasn't the example that I was concerned about but the point. Didn't mean to offend you there.

To Chrissy: you seem to be handling the situation far more maturely than the other people involved, in fact I would go so far as to say that you are handling it more maturely than most people alive today would. *salutes* I commend you on that.

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Just your generic meaningless signature. Mix with 2 quarts water and stir till evenly coated.

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"The causes we know everything about depend on the causes we know nothing about, which depend on the causes we know absolutely nothing about."- Tom Stoppard

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"The causes we know everything about depend on the causes we know nothing about, which depend on the causes we know absolutely nothing about."- Tom Stoppard

Ah, well. I guess all good things must come to an end at one time or another. It has been my experience that people get worse as time goes by, not better. As much as we may wish that things keep getting better, it's not going to happen unless each and every one of us takes action.

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Just your generic meaningless signature. Mix with 2 quarts water and stir till evenly coated.

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"The causes we know everything about depend on the causes we know nothing about, which depend on the causes we know absolutely nothing about."- Tom Stoppard

[This message has been edited by Chrissy (edited June 19, 2000).]

that's not say that it's entirely your friend's fault - but a considerate friend would consult with you first and say "look, i really like your ex, and i don't want to hurt you. would you mind if i persued him." even if you felt bad about it, and didn't have the nerve to say no, at least your friend would have asked. if they don't have the nerve to even say that to you, then are they really worth your time and effort?

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PEBKAC: Problem exists between keyboard and chair.

I want to be the bigger person- forgive and forget kind of deal. Perhaps I'm just letting it get to me because I feel so responsible for it. After all I introduced them (stupid me stupid stupid me)*hits forehead with hand*

Did I really think in the back of my mind this would happen? (actually yes the first time he met her I was like- hrm if it wasn't for me he'd be with her)Did I think about this before I introduced them? HELL FUCKING NO- had I would I be ranting about now? Probably not. I just wanted them to be friends (ugh what a mistake that WAS)

goes to show you-

The best laid plans of mice and men..etc,etc,etc

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"The causes we know everything about depend on the causes we know nothing about, which depend on the causes we know absolutely nothing about."- Tom Stoppard

For your friend to not tell you till after, that she was seeing your ex goes against her, unless you consider the fact that she may have been searching for a way to break it to you gently. But I still think that a real friend would wait a bit or not even cross that line.

For him to be actually "looking" at other people while he was going out with you doesn't really bode to well either. Atleast thats what I think.

As for introducing them together... I don't think you had a choice. I'm all for integrating. At first, I had that "world's colliding" syndrome, but I broke out of it. Wouldn't you feel weird selectively introducing your bf to your friends? If you need to screen him from some of your friends, that may be an indicator that you can get along without them or him.

Even if you didn't introduce him to your friend, I'm sure another woman would've eventually come along and catch his eye. But I may be reading him wrong. I don't know him. I'm just generalising from the fact that he was low enough to go for your friend.

A friend of my bf, who is now an adopted friend of mine, is being restricted by his gf as to who he hangs out with. Her. She doesn't like it when he goes out with his other friends. If he does, she doesn't go. Nor do they go out with her friends. They are totally isolated. He doesn't enjoy it. It's only a matter of time before he sheds the shackles.

Advice: Vent out your feelings. Don't keep it bottled inside. I guess this is one form of venting. Have you confronted your friend? Does she know how you feel about her and what she did? Tell her. If both of you are committed to each other then you would work it out, otherwise, *pfft*.

I'm sorry if this doesn't flow...

[This message has been edited by fendi (edited June 19, 2000).]

But when you tell her, don't be condemning, condescending, or petulant. Be yourself, and treat her as an equal. That way, she should see that you are sincere about the way you feel, and perhaps will be more likely to realize how she offended you.

Also, when you confront her, it would be a good idea to remember that there are always at least two sides to each story, and be open to her explaining her side.

I'm sure you'll do what's right for you to do, even if it means the end of your friendship, although I hope it doesn't come to that.

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Just your generic meaningless signature. Mix with 2 quarts water and stir till evenly coated.

I don't know. It's all out of proportion now and I think the more I talk to them the harder it is for them to hurt me. I'll get used to them being together (Im friends with all of his friends and if I choose not to be friends with him it makes it hard for me to see them too) eventually....
thanks for all the great advice though.
Both of them are well aware of how I feel. I let them know it last week.
*shrug*

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"The causes we know everything about depend on the causes we know nothing about, which depend on the causes we know absolutely nothing about."- Tom Stoppard

All's well that ends well, but it's getting to the end that's hard.

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Just your generic meaningless signature. Mix with 2 quarts water and stir till evenly coated.

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"The causes we know everything about depend on the causes we know nothing about, which depend on the causes we know absolutely nothing about."- Tom Stoppard

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"The causes we know everything about depend on the causes we know nothing about, which depend on the causes we know absolutely nothing about."- Tom Stoppard

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"Around 2300, every square mile of the earth's landmass will have the population density of Manhattan at noon."
-Isaac Asimov

This means that the day before this occurs, the masses will eat last grain of rice and burn the last block of wood.
The ability to prevent nature’s solution to a extreme rise in population is my goal.

clients@home.com

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"The causes we know everything about depend on the causes we know nothing about, which depend on the causes we know absolutely nothing about."- Tom Stoppard

and let me tell you its fun over here

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The gene pool has no life guard, support the GPPTF (Gene Pool Purification Task Force)
< http://www.geocities.com/jgoeke610/ >
Past and future pr0n star :)

------------------
"The causes we know everything about depend on the causes we know nothing about, which depend on the causes we know absolutely nothing about."- Tom Stoppard

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"The causes we know everything about depend on the causes we know nothing about, which depend on the causes we know absolutely nothing about."- Tom Stoppard

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Just your generic meaningless signature. Mix with 2 quarts water and stir till evenly coated.

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"The causes we know everything about depend on the causes we know nothing about, which depend on the causes we know absolutely nothing about."- Tom Stoppard

No Matter how good the person you met
there is always someone better, and
besides what fun of persuing people
who are too similar?

-TM (Looks like Trademark, bleh...)