You see, it started today when I woke up. I was tired from last night even though I had gotten my 8 hours of sleep. I went to business class at my school, and realized (more) what kind of shithole I'm in every day. You see, the amount of people in my school that do drugs is probably (taking a guess) around 1/3rd. I'm not talking about marijuana only- acid droppers, ecstasy poppers, crack and cocaine sniffers, so forth. With a student body of 1700, 1/3rd is roughly 600 people. That kind of pisses me off, because when we were getting a tour of in the school they only mentioned that they had a "*VERY MINOR*" problem with weed smokers in our school. [Enter reality], not very minor at all.

More so, it's as if the administration in the school advocates such things. If you're a teacher and a student walks into your class with a red face, starts rubbing it for 10 minutes, and then is so mellowed out that he almosts sleeps in class- you wouldn't think that "maybe he's allergic and very tired today". If two students walked in class REEKING of MJ asking for their friend (who just happened to be me that time) for cologne because they smoked up, I wouldn't think that a teacher would just ignore that. But hey, guess what they did.

I realize a lot of you people might start arguing about why you can be justified to smoke weed and so on but that's not my point.

So anyways this has had me riled up for a good while over the past week.

Today I got k-lined from StarChat, a server on mIRC. Why? Because, as they said, I was "harrasing users on #recovery". #recovery is a chat room for people who have things like eating disorders and such, who go in there to do, what else, recover.

Pretty much the only channel I'm on is #dxediting, full of people who map and make modifications to Deus Ex. They chatted about #recovery a few times and how the people there sound just funny trying to resolve problems, due to the manner in which they chat. [Enter Jinxi, the ircop] Okay, so I've entered and exited #recovery a few times, I didn't say a thing, I didn't even think the way they chatted was all that funny, but for some reason I get k-lined for harrassing the users on recovery. So I get back on after a while, and I told jinxi to show me the logs, and to prove it. What do I get? A three hour k-line. "*** K-lined for 3 hours [Is this proof enough?]".... sigh.. okay, so they can't prove it, so I'm just prone to think that jinxi is one stupid fucking power abusing shitheaded dumbass stupid fucktard thats an ignorant unfair ircop bitch!

What else? Today was really one of those days, because there were a few problems concerning school that I couldn't avoid. When we were playing soccer afterschool almost every one of my teammates were swearing at each other for losing, and it just made me feel down and sad because two naive idiots just don't know how to communicate, and think that one soccer game can mean the end of the world for them. So after that a few of my friends came over my apartment to grab some drinks, and then we would head to this cybercafe to play some counterstrike. On the bus, silver made a comment and laughed at how brian took a juice box from my place without me noticing (e.i. stole it). And then brian tells silver to quit down, and I realize he has a juice box in his inline skates. This pisses me off, so I tried not to take it to heart and told him that I probably would have given him the juice box anyways. He replies that I probably wouldn't have given him the juice box, so what was the use of asking me? He's damn right I wouldn't have gave him the stupid juice box! First off I've paid for that guy in so many places and he hasn't done anything in return, so I expect at least some respect or gratitude, in turn I get a freeloader who steals from his so called "friend"! What's the deal with that?! NO REMORSE EITHER! How am I supposed to trust this guy? How am I supposed to trust any one of my friends (exception- silver) these days? What is the definition of a friend?! It's not bastards that are out for leeching off each other!!!!

So anyways it wasn't the biggest deal at that moment, but it got worse... so we got to the subway station through the bus, and silver went home (which was what I should've done, I wasn't up for playing at the cybercafe either, but I can't resist a group of friends hanging out)..moving on..

When we got there most of the computers were taken, and the counterstrike servers were like 6/8 players and so on, so brian made a militia server out of 32 players, and we got 6 players there playing their game, and eventually we beat the other players down, they all left, brian joined the terrorist team- so i told him to meet me in the sewers so we can have a knife fight. So I got there, he was there, and he got close with a knife and then backed out, pulled out an ak and cheaped me out. This sort of thing wouldn't normally piss me off, but recently there's been a lot of Barzin-bashing moments that I just can't take anymore, so I told him to go fuck his mom and went off on another computer to play diablo 2.. when my time ran out on my card, I got up and realized both of these "friends" left and didn't even tell me that they were leaving. This pissed me off even more, I felt like I was ditched. On my way back, I just kept my head down and went into a depressed state- I thought of a few things that could happened to me today, like being shot by an angry shopkeeper (all too real in my head), trying to do something good for someone and in turn being dissed or worse, and guess what else? Being k-lined on the starchat servers without reason. That's right, I thought of the shit that could've had happened to me today, and one part of it did. On my way back home I saw a few kids just playing around their parents, and this smile just came over my face.. I felt pretty sad that I was once that same person inside, always happy, nothing bad really happening to me, nothing big to deal with, and yet here I was- more grown up, depressed and angry.

Then I started thinking about my parents again.. it got even worse, I started feeling aweful at the fact that my parents have been fighting for over 2 years now, and that the psychiatrist that I visited for a short while told me that this would be over in 5 months.

Then I started thinking about how so many people are just bastards and bitches out there and how their needs are always concerning money or some other form of wealth, and it pissed me off even more..

and then I came home and got k-lined on StarChat.. .............. sigh..

I realize I'm not a perfect human being, I too am an asshole or a bastard or both sometimes, but I feel like people are always against me for something or other, or they're just out to get me because it's fun for them.

... anyhow.. time for some spam..
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EDIT: You didn't think a rant this long wouldn't have mistakes now, would you..?

This message has been edited by solid on May 16, 2001 at 07:02 PM

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<<Insert profound thought here>>

"why do we always listen to freinds time and time again.when most people dont even know how to be a freind"

sounds a lot better when its fitted into the grooovy syths with phat phaseing and shit

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"OH GGOD!!! NOT THE HYLIGHTER AGAIN!!! GO AWAY YOU LITTLE PEANUT HEDGEHOG!!!"
"The only thread about ME likened me to poo shaped mummy."
"Have a nice day, because monkeys don't."
-< PersonGuy >