Topic: And the healing begins...
started by: Uberkommando
Posted by Uberkommando on May 19 2002,07:23
Typing this at 1 AM after 4 hours of sleep last night -- some words will be missing.To sum up my romance life of the past 8 months: Jess, my gf in Germany, broke up with me two months ago after i went to see her, and as of last week, is going out with one of my best friends. He's a Jehova's Witness (seriously), so I don't really mind all too much, since not much will probably happen there. I still love Jess, and she loves me -- the only problem is the distance.
Well, enter Raychel. Cute girl that I've liked for a while (since I got to this country) and have known for a month or so. She's on the rebound after a 19-month relationship with some pseudo-goth guy, and I'm the rebound after the 6-month thing with Jess. Needless to say, sparks fly...
...and boy do they...
This girl is a firecracker. Kinda kinky, a little slutty, and screams like a porn star. Holy zombie Jesus.
Now, I love Jess, and Jess loves me, but frankly, she can't compete with this girl as far as intimacy is concerned. I'm not going out with Raychel, and we're not going to (yeah, she's not too keen on breaking into another relationship after 19 months...). Jess is coming to visit in the summer. She doesn't know about this yet.
So the question here is, should she? I'm not going to blow off Jess (she's just too important to me), but I'm not too keen on letting this opportunity with Raychel pass me by. It's probably just some temporary thing. So, should Jess know?
Posted by editor on May 19 2002,15:03
no.
Posted by ic0n0 on May 19 2002,15:06
What she doesn't know can not harm her, your not going out with jess so what is the prob? Unless things begin to get real close again with her she doesn't need to know.
Posted by Necromancer on May 19 2002,15:58
no don't tell. her. this new girl is the equivalent of a walking talking porn collection. you never let your g/f find out about it 
.Sidenote: this is the point where you think about going double or nothing. you can try for a threesome, most men chose the easy way out and stick with the one gurl but i say he who dares wins !
Posted by demonk on May 19 2002,18:21
Ok, I'm going to be the first guy to say 'yes'. If you do love her, and you do want to be with Jess, tell her. But don't go at it as if you have to apologize for anything. Just tell her that you have been with another girl and that it has given you some perspective on how you feel towards her. Since it sounds like you have no plans on dating this other girl, and it does sound like you want to be with Jess, you need to be honest with her. But again, since you two were not dating at the time, it's nothing you need to apologize for. Also, if you go at it like it was something you are glad you did, she might look at you differently. Might start seeing you as someone with a back bone and someone she might loose if she isn't careful. Of course, there is no 'right' way to do most things in life, and this is just how I would aproach this situation. Just make sure that you are getting what you want/need. If Jess can't provide it or is unwilling to provide it, then you need to look else where.Just my $0.02
Posted by Beldurin on May 20 2002,04:36
I'm with demonk. Relationships and love cannot exist without honesty. At least, that's what I believe.demonk's $0.02
+
beldurin's $0.02
$0.04
Posted by Wolfguard on May 20 2002,13:23
| Quote (Uberkommando @ 19 May 2002,02:23) |
| Jess, my gf in Germany, broke up with me two months ago as of last week, is going out with one of my best friends. This girl is a firecracker. Kinda kinky, a little slutty, and screams like a porn star. Holy zombie Jesus. |
First line should put things in their place. Your broken up.
Second line enforces the first. She is dating someone else.
So, what business of her's is the third line?
She left you. She is dating. If you want to have fun dont let it bother you. Enjoy the ride and keep your mouth shut.
Posted by liquid metal on May 20 2002,14:40
| Quote |
Now, I love Jess, and Jess loves me |
that line complicates everything wolfy.
he thinks (knows?) that jess loves him. he should find that out for sure first.
cuz if she did...distance wouldn't mean shit.
Posted by Wolfguard on May 20 2002,16:30
and she is dating to prove her love?
Posted by The_Stomper on May 20 2002,17:19
Point for Wolfy there. She broke up with you, she's dating another guy; why the hell should you feel the need to tell her that you've got a lady friend?By all means, if you really want to commit sexual suicide go ahead and tell her - but I recommend against it.
Posted by Necromancer on May 20 2002,17:47
you need to fix that conscience of yours. its much easier to not worry about things if you don't have one . Imean you didnt tell her about everytime you jerked off during your relationship so just treat it as something like that and soon the self denial will overpower that silly conscience thing.just remember.
"its just like jerking off. she doesnt need to know"
Posted by Uberkommando on May 21 2002,03:16
After today's, uhh, 'date', down by the lake, I think it's definitely better if Jess doesn't know. Raychel's really... damn... damn.
Posted by Bob_the_Cannibal on May 21 2002,03:53
look, dude, I'll have to agree with Necromancer, like the SAS motto:"Who dares, wins."
think about it for a second though. test the waters. if Jess is cool with you seeing someone else, and seems cool enough, try for the 3 pointer. If she doesn't, however, tread softly.
you all are also overlooking Raychel's POV. Would she be cool with a threesome? does she even know about Jess?
also, the Male Chauvinist Pig in me, (the MCP) seems to say: use Raychel like a living version of a Realdoll. Keep her around to fuck, and that's it. booty call only.
your call.
Posted by kuru on May 22 2002,23:30
She broke up with you.She's dating another guy.
She officially made it Not Her Business who you're fucking.
Have a good time dude, wear a rubber, and don't feel any guilt. You are under no obligation to share your current sex life with the chick who dumped you.
That you love her after she ditched you does not entitle her to know everything about your current life, or to judge it in any sort of way. I say don't tell her. If she finds out, she finds out. If not, then not. But it's not her business.
Posted by veistran on May 23 2002,02:57
besides, this falls under the different area codes thing 
Posted by Wiley on May 23 2002,22:58
| Quote (veistran @ 22 May 2002,18:57) |
| besides, this falls under the different area codes thing |
True that ...and the country code thing too!
Sometimes there are things that are better left unsaid. You are not currently in a relationship with Jess, so giving her info on your current sex life is not in the best interest of either of you ...so keep your mouth shut and go on with your new and improved sex life.
Posted by Necromancer on May 24 2002,00:27
hell no get some balls and go for the threesome.
Posted by veistran on May 24 2002,08:49
| Quote (Wiley @ 23 May 2002,16:58) | ||
True that ...and the country code thing too! |
I always forget that... you can get away with some freaky shit under the different country codes thing.
Posted by jess on May 27 2002,17:04
hi, just wanted to set some of the record straight.A) i have not been and am not going out with someone else. Uber, you know that, so don't try to use that excuse to justify yourself. if you're doing it cuz you want to, fine, just don't say you can because i'm with someone else.
B) he can do whatever the hell he wants, he doesn't need any permission from me, but he can't expect me to still visit him while he's fucking someone else.
C) he knows that i wouldn't have had a problem with it if he'd told me, not that it matters. well, i guess it does, but only if he didn't want to lose me. but, obviously, he doesn't care to much about that.
D) you lost me Uber. hope your happy with yourself.
hmmm, i probably have more to say, but i'm to damn tired to think of it. it most likely would have been smarter for me to try and write this after i get over the massive jet-lag that i have. oh well.
bye now,
-jess
Posted by WillyPete on May 27 2002,17:34
I can hear that sound, you know, the sound pac-man makes when he get's caught...
Posted by smartsnake on May 27 2002,18:51
Hmm sounds like maybe this could turn into that whole thing with PG and his chick. Scary....
Posted by Wiley on May 27 2002,20:35
Um ...why the fuck would you post that if your chix0r knew where to look to check up one you?Dude, you need some serious male guidence.
Posted by Necromancer on May 27 2002,21:57
personally i think shes just acting all bitchy cos she feels she has to make it seem like you NEED her. sorry i'm in a sane frame of mind (well relatively) don't let her play the guilt trip onto you uber. Show why the man is the dominant species dude! uber she's got no reason to overreact. don't let her win
Posted by CatKnight on May 27 2002,22:12
| Quote (WillyPete @ 27 May 2002,04:34) |
| I can hear that sound, you know, the sound pac-man makes when he get's caught... |
<
>thats a link btw
Posted by demonk on May 27 2002,22:25
I think that when you break up with a guy and start dating one of his friends, you kind of lose all rights to look down on him for sleeping with someone else. The fact that it caused him stress tells you that he does care about you and that he probably felt like he was cheating on you in some way. If you didn't want him sleeping/dating other people, you shouldn't have broken up with him. Seems like a pretty simple concept to me.
Posted by kuru on May 28 2002,00:39
Wow jess, letter A would've almost made me think you weren't the kind of chick I thought, until you posted letters B through D and I realized that the entire post was 'he can do whatever he wants but I hope he feels like shit because he doesn't have me.'Good luck in your life, but if that's the kind of emotional blackmail you play, UK will be better off without ya.
Posted by veistran on May 28 2002,06:32
now personally, I'm still questioning the actuality of that being UK's "jess."
Posted by Beldurin on May 28 2002,06:37
| Quote (veistran @ 28 May 2002,00:32) |
| now personally, I'm still questioning the actuality of that being UK's "jess." |
ditto...why no response from Uber? hmmm?
Posted by kuru on May 28 2002,12:10
For what it's worth, her IP address originates in Germany.
Posted by Nikita on May 28 2002,16:00
split personality + narcissism?
Posted by jess on May 29 2002,15:48
kuru, i think you missed my meaning, but it doesn't matter anyway. he would be better off without me. i was actually only going to type letter A, but then i got angry and kept typing. doesn't really matter. and you're right, i am probably very much like the girl you assumed i was. while i really like your posts, we have total a dissagreement of opinions, so you probably wouldn't like me to much 
i'm winey and annoying.why wouldn't i be jess? who else would ever want to be me?
UK pry isn't answering because he doesn't know. he's on a road trip with a friend. i had been trying to call him, but then i remembered that he'd gone. so i just said what the hell and decided to post. i'm sure he'll know and respond eventually.
Posted by CatKnight on May 29 2002,18:27
its funny that "dont tell jess" is the leading vote still 
Posted by Carnivore on May 29 2002,19:45
Let Jehovah tell her 
Posted by Uberkommando on Jun. 01 2002,20:40
| Quote (Wiley @ 27 May 2002,14:35) |
| Um ...why the fuck would you post that if your chix0r knew where to look to check up one you? Dude, you need some serious male guidence. |
Just got back -- been gone all week.
For the record, I'm not fucking Raychel, and I didn't know Jess monitored my posts on this board. Kinda thought this was where I could go to talk to people other than my friends to get some advice. I guess no one gets to have a private life anymore.
I've been thinking about this all week, and I didn't know that Jess had posted here or knew. I figure that's it's now my fault and business, so I'll try to take care of it.
Don't know how to end this post, so I'll leave it at that.
Posted by veistran on Jun. 02 2002,19:55
| Quote (jess @ 29 May 2002,09:48) |
| why wouldn't i be jess? who else would ever want to be me? |
You're obviously new to the internet and message boards.
To put it simply, impersonating people is a popular hobby of people on the internet.
Posted by ^Oni^ on Jul. 02 2002,14:30
| Quote (Wolfguard @ 20 May 2002,05:23) |
| She left you. She is dating. If you want to have fun dont let it bother you. Enjoy the ride and keep your mouth shut. |
I do believe that actually gives you licence to nail everything that isn't moving fast enough to get away.
Especially after coming looking for you on the net to see what you've been saying. I used to have an ex that would stalk me EVERYWEHRE. It became game to see how long it would take her to find me if I went out and didn't tell her where I went. That may be a little more extreme than this situation, but still... it starts small.
So, roger the new lady well and often and move along from old ghosts.
Posted by Wolfguard on Jul. 02 2002,15:34
| Quote (^Oni^ @ 02 July 2002,09:30) |
| I do believe that actually gives you licence to nail everything that isn't moving fast enough to get away. |
Where the fuck have you bee..
oh...
Thats right... your new here...
Im just the old man here and i try to show these young pups the errors of my ways hoping they will learn.
If the bitch dumps you, she has no say on what your sticking your dick in next; just as you dont have a say on what is sticking its dick in her. Been there. Done that. Got the scars.
Where is beldy...he knows the real truth of life...
Posted by Nikita on Jul. 02 2002,17:25
Damnstraight.
Ex of mine cheated on me, and had the nerve to email/call or ans. machine message/ICQ/visit/say stuff like
"Are you dating someone? A lot of people wanted you while we were together ..."
"I know you're there, I just called and the phone line was busy ..."
"I'm surprised you're not with someone else already ..."
"You want (insert guys name here), don't you?"
Visited, looked around my place, noted new stuff "hey you're seeing someone, you have new pans" (uh no, I had to get new pans since his overprotective/manipulating mom bought all the stuff when he and I were living together.)
What the hell. Why the fuck would he care. It's none of his business. Oh well. What he did will come back and bite him in the ass/ding-dong sometime.
Posted by WillyPete on Jul. 02 2002,23:37
I think it's showing that it did.It's only when he sees the changes in your life that he notices the teeth marks.
Posted by Uberkommando on Jul. 03 2002,02:44
Now here's a thread resurrection I wasn't expecting...