Ikonboard » Printable Version of Topic » Getting the damned wrapper off

Forum: Sex
Topic: Getting the damned wrapper off
started by: CowboyNeal

Posted by CowboyNeal on Jul. 18 2001,20:45

i was thinking.. and i usually put a lot of thought into my eating patterns, or like how the best way to eat something or digest it would be. one good example of this would be how to unwrap a stick of string cheese and the steps i would follow:

tear stick from its neighbor along perforated line -> attempt to find pre-cut notch for tearing -> wiping the grease off my hands so i can get a good grip -> fumbling around with it more and squishing the end in the process -> wiping my hands again, this time to remove the sweat of anticipation -> finally getting the wrapper to the point where i can pull the cheese stick out without breaking it -> taking little bites of it or tearing off stringy pieces (which has the added bonus of leaving little bits under my fingernails for snacking later -> repeat until strip of cheese sticks is all gone

this of course is for when i have the leisure time to do it right. what i am wondering, is how in the fuck i am supposed to take the wrapper off when i'm in a hurry to make it back to the tv before battlebots starts or junkyard wars comes back from commercials. i mean, there is no way possible. (except "put the whole thing in my mouth and chew it until most of the cheese is gone, then spit out the wrapper")

keep in mind i have to move slowly if i am to get the cheese unwrapped properly. otherwise i get flustered and my hands get shaky and i have to start all over. i don't know how fast i can comfortably do it, but i've never failed so far. (ok..once. but i was drunk too)

any suggestions?

This message has been edited by CowboyNeal on July 19, 2001 at 03:46 PM

Posted by askheaves on Jul. 18 2001,21:14

I'd say get a pair of scissors and cut it down the perforation between neighbors. Then, cut the wrapper in half. Then run back to your seat with the two halves in one hand, and the opened scissors in the other... sharp side pointed toward your chest. Then, when you get to your chair, squeeze the cheese out with those enormous fingers right into your mouth. Proceed to disgust anybody who happens to be watching.

Posted by Pickle Therapy Lady on Jul. 18 2001,21:23

umm take the whole pack back to your over-sized chair and then take your time slowly pealing the wrapper off your cheese and tease yourself with the wonderful images of battlebots dancing in your glazed over eyes while you peal and lick and suck and inhale your titalating string cheese sticks.

*shutter*

Posted by melk0r on Jul. 19 2001,00:48

fuck.. you.

i think you need to just take the Dildo of Death (too lazy to find thread) and proceed sodomizing yourself with it until you bleed from every pore in your body.

le-who, ze-her?

</ace ventura>

Posted by Sithiee on Jul. 19 2001,02:01

melk0r, why dont you shove your face up your ass, cause youre talking like its already there.

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quote:
Originally posted by Dark Knight Bob:
does anyone not notcie that sithee isnt actually talking out of his ass like a lot of people here

Posted by Dysorderia on Jul. 19 2001,02:24

quote:
Originally posted by Sithiee:
melk0r, why dont you shove your face up your ass, cause youre talking like its already there.

Shut the fuck up, sithee.
Just because you are too ignorant to notice who much of a fat retarded fuck Neal is, doesn't mean melk0r has to be ignorant too.

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Windows 95 -n- (win-doze): a 32 bit Extension to a 16 bit Graphical Shell of
an 8 bit Operating System originally coded for a 4 bit Processor by a 2 bit
company that can't stand one bit of competition!!

Posted by Dysorderia on Jul. 19 2001,02:27

Oh yeah.
Cowboy neal, don't post whole threads about what you are going to eat next and how you are going to insert it into your fat mouth.

This isn't the appropriate place for such retarded babblings.

Posted by solid on Jul. 19 2001,02:37

I'm just going to agree with all who argue that neal constantly rambles about food and can't stop.

Anorexic is one thing, compulsive eating disorder is another...

You on the other hand just love to eat..

Posted by miNus on Jul. 19 2001,12:33

He just wants fucking attention. And the dildo of death is < here >. I can't believe that neal is now a 'leet haxor'. Maybe cr0 will strip that title and give him a custom one... like 'phat phuck' or something...

Posted by Nikita on Jul. 19 2001,13:11

Dude, there has to be more than just food you can talk about. Though I can understand the food<->sex thing PTL mentioned ... cheese strings!?! wtf. How about "how to deep-throat a coil of kielbasa without biting?"

Posted by CowboyNeal on Jul. 19 2001,15:20

WELL GOD DAMN IT, WHEN YOU'RE 629 LBS (WITH A 5LB MARGIN OF ERROR, AND NO IM NOT PREGNANT WITH DODECATUPLETS, HAR HAR HAR) WHAT ELSE CAN YOU DO?

Jeez people, I thought you'd be more accepting. Now I realize you're only here to vent your insecurities on others. At least I'm the only one who can honestly claim to have a 14lb dick. That's right, sucka.

Posted by melk0r on Jul. 19 2001,15:30

quote:
Originally posted by Sithiee:
melk0r, why dont you shove your face up your ass, cause youre talking like its already there.

what's the saying, "those who live in glass houses, shouldnt throw stones" or something like that? maybe you were too much in a hurry to realize that i was being semi-sarcastic, but also that he blatently just rearranged the words to a thread of mine.(which annoyed me more than i found it funny.) maybe you should take a long look in the mirror before telling someone they're talking out of their ass.

Posted by CatKnight on Jul. 19 2001,15:41

ROFLMAO this thread is fucking hilarous. it started out as another prank by cowboynealimposter and turned into a viscous flame war! how delicious!

Posted by L33T_h4x0r_d00d on Jul. 19 2001,16:54

quote:
Originally posted by Dysorderia:

This isn't the appropriate place for such retarded babblings.

hypocrite

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quote:
Originally posted by Spydir about Dysorderia :
oh fuck it, you're to ignorant and self indulged to even consider anything other then "I'm from england and I hate americans and humans are killing the earth and blah-de-fucking-blah-blah".

Posted by RenegadeSnark on Jul. 19 2001,21:19

quote:
Originally posted by Dysorderia:
Oh yeah.
Cowboy neal, don't post whole threads about what you are going to eat next and how you are going to insert it into your fat mouth.
This isn't the appropriate place for such retarded babblings.

Dysorderia... the following instructions come from me, your moderator.

INSTRUCTIONS FOR YOU

(1) GO TO HIGH ROOF
(2) JUMP OFF HIGH ROOF
(3) SPLATTER FACE ON CONCRETE
(4) GIVE ME YOUR WALLET

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Webbie/EIC
< http://boomgames.com >

Founder < http://tucb.com/ >

Oregon, n.:
Eighty billion gallons of water with no place to go on Saturday night.

"Bring your own ham!"
-- CowboyNeal

Posted by Sithiee on Jul. 20 2001,03:55

quote:
Originally posted by Dysorderia:
Shut the fuck up, sithee.
Just because you are too ignorant to notice who much of a fat retarded fuck Neal is, doesn't mean melk0r has to be ignorant too.

Just because you are too ignorant to notice how much of a huge black cock is in your ass, doesnt mean everyone has to have one up there too.

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quote:
Originally posted by Dark Knight Bob:
does anyone not notcie that sithee isnt actually talking out of his ass like a lot of people here

Posted by TonyDennis on Jul. 20 2001,04:52

quote:
Originally posted by RenegadeSnark:
Dysorderia... the following instructions come from me, your moderator.
INSTRUCTIONS FOR YOU
(1) GO TO HIGH ROOF
(2) JUMP OFF HIGH ROOF
(3) SPLATTER FACE ON CONCRETE
(4) GIVE ME YOUR WALLET

Dude, you need to make him give you his wallet *BEFORE* he splatters himself. Duh.

Oh, and that phat phuck title made me piss myself laughing, hahaha (no, I didn't actually piss myself).