Thanks for all your advice, guys... unfortunately, it isn't as easy as that.
First of all, that guy is just a friend. I am not sure whether I want him to be anything more than that... for several reasons.
Secondly, "asking him out" isn't as easy as it sounds... we don't really have a dating culture here, and if I asked him out, it would be almost like a proposal. And again, I am not sure whether I want him to be my boyfriend. I am actually not sure whether I want a boyfriend at all at the time... I am getting along rather well with my single life, and I don't know whether I have the time, energy and patience to spare for a guy. Well actually I wouldn't mind having a boyfriend... but none of the guys I know (and that includes my best friends) would be suitable for that.

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"Put the cheese on my bum." -Tom Green
-< PersonGuy >

Look, as a man who has lots of female friends, some who he would like to say that exact thing to, go do it!

But make sure that (a) the guy won't freak and (b) that you emotionally sort yourself out for the oncoming time ahead. It's bad news saying you'll be 'friends that f*ck' and then getting all attached.

My advice: Make a decision on exactly what you want and GO FOR IT! Don't let any mastard stand in your way!

Mike

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-- incubus
As I chase the leaves like the words I never find ...

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Net Syndrome - < http://www.netsyndrome.net/ >
Spydir Web - < http://www.netsyndrome.net/spydirweb/ >

quote:

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Originally posted by LiNeY:
How can I make sure he won't freak??? Any guy advice on that?

"friends that f***" no way. I'd never do that. Especially not with that guy.

Make a decision on what I want... I guess I am trying to do that. I am already pretty sure that I don't want to have him as a boyfriend...

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So what DO you want?
You've said you dont want to b0rk him. Fair play, then you can focus on companionship. But, you don't want him as a boyfriend?

The only thing left in the equation is friendship. You may as well concentrate on that. It seems like you enjoy each other's company, so make sure you spend time together. If anything further happens and you both dig it, <picard> make it so. </picard>

Just my 2 cents, but I back up cr0bar and PG here - from a mans perspective, theres nothing more irritating than a close girl friend walking that line between friends and friends+ but not making her mind up!

Look after yourself.

Mike

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-- incubus
As I chase the leaves like the words I never find ...

quote:

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Originally posted by incubus:
But make sure that (a) the guy won't freak
... 'friends that f*ck' and then getting all attached.

My advice: Make a decision on exactly what you want and GO FOR IT!

---

How can I make sure he won't freak??? Any guy advice on that?

"friends that f***" no way. I'd never do that. Especially not with that guy.

Make a decision on what I want... I guess I am trying to do that. I am already pretty sure that I don't want to have him as a boyfriend...

But anyway, in the last days the whole thing got still more messed up. People started spreading rumours about us a while ago, and on Friday, someone said to me (while I was standing with that guy and talking) "oh hey, I think you're quite horny for him!" So now I am really confused, and he is too I guess. We haven't really talked since then, it has just become an awkward silence... at school we can't really talk because there's always someone making silly comments. And our usual "shopping and coffee" trip downtown during our free lesson on Monday didn't take place today. It was really stupid, I said to him "I gotta go shopping again today, you wanna come with me?" and instead of his usual "yes" came a "uh, dunno, I gotta go see the guidance counsellor"... so I went on my own. Later in the day, someone said "did you two go shopping again together?" and I was like, "no, I went alone", and he was like "no, I went alone". Then he said something like "I told ya, I had to see the guidance counsellor, and when I was through, you were already gone!" That left me really TOTALLY confused. WHAT THE HELL IS UP HERE?

Do you think I should call him? It would be the only way for us to talk in peace and quiet, and sort at least that stupid rumours thing out. My mom said "no way, don't call him!" but she is someone of the 1960's never-ever-ever-call-a-man-on-the-phone kind. I need some advice from you guys...

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I can resist everything - except Temptation. (Oscar Wilde)

Find out what he wants

Tell him what you want.

Life really is that simple.

quote:

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Originally posted by Wolfguard:

Life really is that simple.

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Not when you are 18.

quote:

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Originally posted by Wolfguard:
call him and get things straight.

Find out what he wants

Tell him what you want.

Life really is that simple.

---

Agreed. It might be hard to actually DO it, but the course of action is a simple one.

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-- incubus
As I chase the leaves like the words I never find ...

quote:

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j00: *greetings... bla bla bla* Hey. I just called to clear up all those weird rumors that have been going around. You see... I like our friendship. In fact, I like it EXACTLY the way it is RIGHT NOW. I don't know if you wanted to make this into a more meaningful relationship or whatever, but I'm just not into you LIKE THAT. I just like being good friends with you and nothing more!

friend: Touch my butt.

j00: WHAT!? Who IS this... *click* WRONG NUMBER... *redials*

---

Anyway... the point is, you might have to stomp on a few feelings, but TRUST ME... as I guy, I'm TELLING you. I'd MUCH rather have THAT than the possition he's in now. TELL HIM AND BE SPECIFIC. Phrases such as "never ever" and "not gunna happen" are good too. And I'm NOT joking!

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"Put the cheese on my bum." -Tom Green
-< PersonGuy >

quote:

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Originally posted by LiNeY:
Not when you are 18.

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18, 22, 30, 36,

Its that simple at any age. Life is only as hard as you make it.

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Fucknuggets flamed while you wait.< TeamWolfguard.com >
< Robot Conflict >

quote:

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Originally posted by incubus:
Agreed. It might be hard to actually DO it, but the course of action is a simple one.

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If had success with this, 95\% of the time if you let the woman know what you want up front it makes things easier in the long run. If she is upset because you wont go out with her let her know you arent serious and just want to have fun. Most of the time woman are ok with it and join in on the fun eventually if you know what I mean. After all its 2001 and more and more chics are going around with this guy mentality and 100s of thousands of men are getting laid more than ever.

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All that I know there was no God for me
Force that shatters all, absence of mortality

Just my Ũ.17 (inflation)

i know u r all saying to just come out and say what we want. but seriously even if/when we do it's the same old bullshit. cause it's the guy who has no f**king clue. they want you one second and then they stop acting like they're interested the next. i guess the same can be said for us but if a girl is really feelin you she's not about to fake the funk.

sorry to have changed the topic a bit, i just had to let it be known

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"Put the cheese on my bum." -Tom Green
-< PersonGuy >

Thanks for all your advice... I think I made it pretty clear by now. We are still friends, a bit cautious at the time because of those ever-recurrent rumours... sort of testing what each other wants. In time, everything will be right.

About this "always say the truth about what you want" - that is true for me (my brain appears to be male), I always want to know the truth and I hate having to deal with insecurity or lies. However, for most guys I know that seems to be too scary. With my telling-the-truth I have usually offended or scared my guy friends away... seems like German guys are a different kind than you are, unfortunately.

However, I'm 25\% German.
I just hate people using soft words. Just tell it to me how it is, I can take it.

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This message has been edited by [liquid] meta on July 10, 2001 at 07:24 PM