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Forum: Sex
Topic: Whore in the Bedroom
started by: Chrissy

Posted by Chrissy on Oct. 15 2000,16:53

I was just talking to my friend. We take this Human sexuality class for psychology (we're both minors) and the class although interesting makes us uncomfortable. Now I know that when she is with her bf she is a total whore in the bedroom but out in the open shes coy and sex "upsets" her. Is it true that guys like this kind of girl? You know one who is an angel on the outside to the rest of the world but behind closed doors would make you wear leather underwear and want to be spanked...
Any thoughts?

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"The causes we know everything about depend on the causes we know nothing about, which depend on the causes we know absolutely nothing about."- Tom Stoppard

Posted by nobody on Oct. 15 2000,18:22

I can't speak for all guys, but I know I'd like that kind of girl.

Posted by damien_s_lucifer on Oct. 15 2000,18:56

yeah, we kind of like that. It makes you feel like your lady's sexuality is something that's meant for you and you alone, which makes you feel special. Wouldn't you like it if your man was the same way?

...of course men that go ballistic if their women are openly sexual are retarded...

Posted by PersonGuy on Oct. 15 2000,23:17

I can see the value of both, But I'd probably rather be with someone who's always open for the topic of sex.

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Posted by fatbitch on Oct. 15 2000,23:21

if my gf said that sex 'offends' her outside of the bedroom thats not really sexy, but if it was like sex is 'valuable' to her, it still gives the hard to get feel, but its not off-putting. saying that sex offends you is off putting!

BUT! and this is a big but! (hehehe) just because guys like/dont like this kinda girl, please do not change the way you act around guys, the old "be yourself" thing is one of the truest statements ever. if you change how you act, or dont 'be yourself' in another way you will end up with no guy, or a guy that likes the person you act to be, which is not really at all

ok that was a bit extreme considering what we are talking about just don't go around saying shit like she does even though other guys may like it. i mean, dont go around saying "yeah, sex isnt all that valuable to me, i could either take it or leave it" cause even though that could be true (im not saying your a slut or anything, just an example ) that is kinda off-putting

ok thats all really a topic for another thread, and i am rambling terribly, so i will shorten my reply:

no, not really, i dont like that, i prefer girls who are honest with me and themselves

ok, thats more like it

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Posted by Chrissy on Oct. 15 2000,23:43

Ok I guess what I was really trying to get at was whether men think they foster this kind of dichatomous behaviour in women or if they think its put out there by other women. I was just thinking that Im pretty flirtatous out in front but behind closed doors Im a little shy (and guys call me a tease) but when women are the opposite its almost indearing, kind of attractive. Women should be put off by sex in so many ways but once the door slams its on...
you know what I mean? It seems a little hypocritical

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"The causes we know everything about depend on the causes we know nothing about, which depend on the causes we know absolutely nothing about."- Tom Stoppard

This message has been edited by Chrissy on October 15, 2000 at 06:43 PM

Posted by Bozeman on Oct. 16 2000,00:25

Perhaps the women enjoy the pleasure of sex, but are culturally inhibited by our society. With all the taboo about sex, especially from parents and religious groups, I'm not surprised that people can be shy in public, but adventurous in the bedroom. (or not the bedroom, see another thread for that) The point is that so many people tell others that sex is "icky" and "indecent" that they belive it, but when they experience sex, they like it.

Posted by PersonGuy on Oct. 16 2000,01:33

Well, if I had to choice between someone whos quiet in public, but an animal in bed or a sexual open person in public, but never comes to bed I guess I'd have to go with choice #1... is that what you mean?

But I'm with, fatbitch... I can usually tell with a chick isn't being honest with what she likes or how she REALLY wants to act, and it DRIVES ME CRAZY! I can't be around that very long before I go into convultions and pass out...

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<P:\>erson\Guy.exe -PersonGuy *pERSONgUY.cfg
< http://www.personguy.com >

Posted by RenegadeSnark on Oct. 16 2000,02:30

Personally, I'd want one that performed in the room and was open in the public. It's because I am an open person by nature, as far as my sexuality is concerned and sex in general I have no secrets or things I won't discuss.

Yet if it was between good in the room and bad in public, and good in public and bad in the room, who wouldn't want good in the room?

Posted by fatbitch on Oct. 16 2000,13:14

i cant stand the stigma that is put on people (especially females) in our society about sex. it drives me crazy. i mean come on people! we NEED sex to survive, plus its enjoyable. wtf can be so bad about it that ppl under the age of 15 giggle if you even say "sex"

but that is REALLY off topic. chrissy (sorry about misspelling your name in the "i love you guys" thread, one of my friends i call "chrissie" and i just naturally typed that ) do you think it could be that you are openly flirtatous in public because you are shyer (not a word, but u know what i mean) about in in the bedroom? like (no offence) you see your shyness as an inadequacy so you try to make up for it in another way?

please dont get me wrong, i am not intentionally offending or putting you down at all, i actually think that i (and a great number of people) also suffer from that. i say some pretty sexual (and some downright disgusting) things around chicks but when it comes to a 'bedroom' situation i get scared shitless. its just a human phycology thing i spose

...rambling once again :")

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Posted by askheaves on Oct. 16 2000,16:47

I guess the biggest thing is that sex is meant to be something that is shared between two people (or more) and is a bit special. For example, do you want your mom watching you get it on? It's not because you don't want her to know necessarily (grandkids come from somewhere), but it's not something you are sharing with her.
I'm usually pretty closed off about sex in public. When the guys are talking about this bitch or that ho, I'm pretty quiet. It's refreshing to talk to maybe one person about the things i've seen, and they talk back, but it's not the norm.
In the bedroom, I'm pretty whorish myself. I love doing certain things that you don't announce to your mother during Thanksgiving dinner.
I had a girlfriend who was as against PDA as I am, and the rational is that it is a part of our relationship that we share with each other, not the other people walking to class.

Posted by Chrissy on Oct. 16 2000,19:05

I don't think that I am openly flirtatious in public because of some personal issues. I think I am just the type of person who likes to show attention, not necessarily receieve it. I have gotten myself into situations where guys have found me extremely sexually overt and have taken it to mean that I want to sleep with them (even though I gave them no provocation to assume so) because in their minds any bit of flirting meant that I "wanted" them.
I guess what I am trying to get at here is that flirting doesn't always imply sex- you can flirt and not mean it sexually but have a sexual undertone- you know what i mean? I think people automatically take flirting to mean that you are "very interested" in persuing a relationship that is physical when it doesn't necessarily imply that.
Any thoughts?

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"The causes we know everything about depend on the causes we know nothing about, which depend on the causes we know absolutely nothing about."- Tom Stoppard

Posted by floyd on Oct. 16 2000,21:42

Yeah, to me anyways there's nothing more frustrating than chicks who are major flirts and act like they're on top of things (yes, purposeful pun) in the bedroom, but then turns out they're not hot shit at all. More than anything it goes back to I think personguy's comment in another thread about woman being really sexual, and a tease, and not following up on it. There's a thin line where on one side, that gets guys going, but then on the other side, being disappointed like that makes a guy wanna cut of his balls/kill the chick for like the first 10 minutes. A lot of women don't know how much a lot of guys agonize about sex, because for guys it's more of a rarity to get any while with women it seems to be more of a matter of selection, i.e. finding the right guy/who you think is right, not saying, 'oh, woman are the ones that control sex' cuz while it may be true in a lot of cases, it's not always. Yeah.

This message has been edited by floyd on October 16, 2000 at 04:44 PM

Posted by fatbitch on Oct. 16 2000,23:36

chrissy: please remember, guys can't read minds, so we cant tell when you are 'non-sexually' flirting, and 'sexually' flirting. since guys (and i am taking this back to basics here, please dont flame me

) are basically sexual creatures - i.e they exist to create a family and then provide for it. thats why guys seem so horny all the time to girls

but then chicks liek to flirt because (these are just my learnings, please excuse me if they are wrong) they like to know that they are in control - they like to be able to get any man they want, and then to be able to select amongst them. sorry i know that is very basic, and could be offensive, sorry

anyway, once again straying from the point....

i guess im trying to say, filrt all u want, but dont be surprised or dissapointed if the guy thinks you want him in bed NOW. and be careful who you flirt with, and how far u go

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< http://www.mp3.com/fatbitch >

Posted by demonk on Oct. 16 2000,23:58

I have a good suggestion: if you flirt, man or woman, be sure what you know you are getting your self into. If you are a girl and you flirt with a guy, don't be suprised to find that he thinks you want him. And if you are a guy and your flirt with a girl, you can pretty much expect that they won't want you physically. From my experiances, girls flirt to make them selves feel attractive. Guys flirt to show that they are physically and/or mentally attracted to you. So, now you all know, so use this info for good and not for evil.

Posted by Chrissy on Oct. 17 2000,00:08

I think my point was that flirting isnt always about sex but can be about asserting one's sexual identity-- much like clothing or perfume. My feeling is such that a woman who chooses to be sexually overt does not necessarly imply sex as her nature but more as her person.
I know from my own personal experiences that many guys have been attracted to my openess and my flirtatious behaviour thinking that was all there was to me. Then a few months later have the nerve to call me cold and a bitch because what they thought I was I wasn't. Why can't a woman just being a sexual being on the outside and still be shy and scared on the inside. Women don't take this away from men. I know many a guy who was sexually aggressive in public- who looked for women to "be with" but then when the time came he wouldn't go for it. I think its less surprising then one may imagine. I think women give men the benefit of the doubt about shit like that. I mean think about it- women are less likely to call you on those points because it isnt as important to us as it is to you.
Agree/disagree gimme yer two cents- im listening

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"The causes we know everything about depend on the causes we know nothing about, which depend on the causes we know absolutely nothing about."- Tom Stoppard

Posted by dido on Oct. 17 2000,00:41

I totally agree with Chrissy on this one. Flirting for women is often just a display of sexuality since it's so oppressed in everyday society. The problem is we get categorised into the sexual stereotypes. If you are shy and "pure" you are a virgin, if you flirt you are a whore...then there is the virgin/whore stereotype which is totally fucked up. Whether its a concsious choice or not women tend to flirt, display their sexuality, to break down these stereotypes and challenge them. Not all women are whores (in the bedroom) because they flirt and not all women are not whores because they don't flirt. That's the problem with stereotyping, it becomes a common norm that people (read: men) ascribe to and become disappointed when we don't live up to them in real life.

Whoa! That was a ramble! Basically it comes down to this...you need to be true to yourself. If you are one of the stereotypes then you are one, but if you are conforming to one because you think its what "guys" want then you aren't being true to yourself and ultimately you will end up unhappy.

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If the world were perfect would we be happy?

Posted by kuru on Oct. 17 2000,03:03

the only thing still oppressing women's ability to express their sexuality is women. all the shit that's in cosmo and all those other damn magazines that says 'dress like a whore, talk like a nun, and fuck likea slut' is just nuts. men don't put this on women, women do. my guy friends and every guy i've dated has appreciated the fact that while i'm willing to talk about sex openly and freely, i reserve it as somethin special to the one i share my bed with.

nobody can repress you unless you let them. that's exactly what women do all the time. they refuse to stand up and say 'this is who i am, like it or not.' instead, there's all these head games and flirting which somehow men are expected to understand as if they are women. that'll never happen. women seem to me to want men to accept women as we are, and not be how they are. that's .... crap. it's got to be a two way street, and though i catch some flak for it and sometimes get a double standard from a small minded person who thinks that my open attitude and willingness to talk about sex and flirt only when i really mean it marks me as a complete slut. the thing is, it's almost always a woman who'll call me a slut. i get a lot more positive comments and respect from dudes for my attitude than i do from chicks. maybe that's another reason why 99.9999\% of my friends are male.

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kuru
'sex is one of the most beautiful and natural things that money can buy' - steve martin

Posted by askheaves on Oct. 17 2000,03:15

quote:
Originally posted by kuru:
they refuse to stand up and say 'this is who i am, like it or not.' instead, there's all these head games and flirting which somehow men are expected to understand as if they are women. that'll never happen. women seem to me to want men to accept women as we are, and not be how they are. that's .... crap.

Once again, I love you kuru (don't take it the wrong way )
You hit the nail on the head, along with fatbitch's comments. All of this together makes it very tough for men to know when a woman is interested in them.
I had a situation where I was friends with a girl for a few years (i've posted about her elsewhere) and we flirted all the time. Even now, over IM, we'll tell each other that we love each other (i don't know if we're joking or not). All of that, plus being a paranoid male makes it tough to figure out what in the hell is going on. I hate it and I want it to end.

Posted by PersonGuy on Oct. 17 2000,06:16

I pretty much agree... the only thing is that it CAN be nessisary to be a slut in bed (or whatever chick mags talk about). IF the chick is a bitch, or hight matainence, it could be the only thing to keep a guy with her.

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P:\erson\Guy.exe -PersonGuy *pERSONgUY.cfg
< http://www.personguy.com >

This message has been edited by PersonGuy on October 17, 2000 at 01:17 AM

Posted by fatbitch on Oct. 17 2000,07:48

kuru - if 99.9999\% of your friends are male... you must have at least a million friends, and then only one of them would be female

seriously though, i know what you females are saying (3 female posts in a row ) but i think kuru knows where its at the most, but you all have valid points. argh i dont have any more that i can input into this thread, but whish i did

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Posted by SLATE on Oct. 17 2000,11:47

Hm.. On the topic of flirting...

It shouldn't be done, especially in a sexual way unless you want something..

Ex: A few weeks ago in class, one of the hottest girls in the grade said she'd blow me if i pu thtis tissue she used in my mouth and she proceeded to make motions with her mouth. Before i was able to close my dropped jaw and say anything she walked away and threw out the tissue, shakin her ass back and forth as she walked away.

I hate that tease.. I know she wouldnt blow me no matter what, cause shes too good for that
but thats just wrong... she left someone with blueballs

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Posted by dido on Oct. 17 2000,11:59

Well Slate that is just wrong. There 's a difference with flirting and being a bitch. Everyone's definition of flirting may be different...personally I would define her as a complete and utter bitch. Kuru is right, the popular "women's" (after all what women are they defering to? not me) mags do tend to give women bad advice. Take the "rules for women" that book was full of the biggest bunch of bull shit I had ever heard before and yet the mags snaped it up like it was a new consititution or something. That said I can't agree that women put all of these things on themselves. If we are to flame women's mags then we need to look behind the scenes at who the editiors and most importantly the owners are. Nine times out of ten they are men...and they control the content of thier mags. I'm not disregarding that some women DO in fact conform to stereotypes, but we can't dismiss the outside barriers that still exsit today.

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If the world were perfect would we be happy?

Posted by demonk on Oct. 17 2000,17:09

I think we need to start a pedition to get Cosmo and 17 and Glamor and all those other shitty mags that tell women to act the exact opposite of how they are to get guys band from every grocery store and book store. Maybe then all the girls out there will try being honest and not doing any mind games or expect men to be able to read their minds or know exactly how the feel and what they are thinking with one glance at them.

Wow, that was a long sentence. I don't know if it makes any sence, but I'm leaving it for tonight.

Posted by Sniper3k on Oct. 17 2000,20:07

guys like girls that seem innocent but really aren't. i prefer cute girls that look like they are unexperianced and naive, but aren't really. i'd choose an innocent looking girl over a tramp any day

Posted by demonk on Oct. 17 2000,20:47

I have to agree with Sniper3k. If a girl looks like a slut, and acts like slut, 9 times out of 10 she is a slut and will not only do you, but your best friends and their fathers.

Posted by rise888 on Oct. 17 2000,21:21

right on demonk

Posted by Chrissy on Oct. 17 2000,22:34

interesting-
very interesting

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"The causes we know everything about depend on the causes we know nothing about, which depend on the causes we know absolutely nothing about."- Tom Stoppard