What I've found lately is that I have a case of perpetual depression, stemming largely from the fact that I feel like I have no direction. I really don't care about jack shit long term anymore. I stopped caring about going after girls. I don't give a shit about my schoolwork, and it's lead to near-crashing-at-0's in some classes.

Even though I have a lot to be happy about (hell, BitHive is getting ready to go public beta), including my part-time job and website, I just don't care long-term anymore. I care enough to wake up and tinker with them as much as I need to in order to 'maintain' them, but it's all gone to "sigh".

I spend my days waking up (almost painfully, i HATE HATE HATE waking up), and then I drag myself to school. The WHOLE DAY I'm sleepy as shit, and when I get home, I go straight to my computer.

I deal with the slew of e-mail a hardware webmaster elects to get by creating the e-mail forwarder 'news@boomgames.com' (99\% of the time pressing "delete"). Then I check a few sites - the latest threads on detnet, and then take a look at the Stile and Something Awful frontpages. Then I spend the rest of the night looking around the internet for things to do.

I can't play more than one game of Counter-Strike (sometimes even less) before I quit the game out of boredom.

I am NOT having any more fun with this life. In fact I'm getting worried, I've been keeping myself forcefully away from alcohol but that doesn't quell my fears. If I get into mirjuana (which many of my friends have 'gotta see me do', including myself) I'm afraid I'll make things infinitely worse.

I KNOW things would be better for me if these changes were made:

Turn 16, get a fucking license and car (that I just have to wait out)
Get a GED and persue internet businesses

That I know would make me happy. But I still have parents, and they'd shoot themselves before they'd let me drop out of HS.

But it's an issue, I'm worried and almost constantly depressed now. And I know that isn't good.

Most people, when brought to this issue, just tell me to do well in school so I'll be set up for later. Fuck that, I can't even convince myself to do what it takes to pass hardly anymore, let alone 'do well' (which I'm fully capable of doing, I used to be an all-honors straight A student until my concern tapered off).

AAAAAH! what do i do?

That sounds familar, though I went through that at a slightly later point in life. Things became so boring that nothing seemed worthwhile. Why bother?

I'm afraid to say that I'm still half-way there, but I've found at least a small light at the end of the tunnel. What I needed was a break, a change of environment and people. I did things I don't normally do and went places I hadn't been. Specifically I went out camping a lot and got away from all the major cities and people. This is one of my personal hobbies so it would differ completely with most people. No computers and no fucked up people with their ideals of how life is supposed to be lived.

My long term plan is to do absolutely nothing. Just to live life in a pleasant way which doesn't involve working an 8 hour day and wearing a suit. I've just recently got my foot in real estate which is a great way to make money by renting and doing smeg all.
A mate of my old man's did similar things, he bought a garbage truck and sold big bins to businesses. He paid a guy to drive and maintain the truck and sat back drinking beer all day for years.

People just get stuck into the idea that the end of high school exams determine your life when they in fact have far less influence than originally thought. Pot won't get you into more trouble. If you have the will power to stay away from alcohol you have the power to overcome an addiction to weed. What really opened my eyes though was taking my first acid trip. It opened my eyes and made me realise just how much perceptions are altered by society. You don't have to live a life anyone tells you to.

But that's just my opinion.

------------------
"Don't do that son, you'll go blind."
"I'm over here, dad."

< http://www.ath0.net >

quote:

---

Originally posted by psaph:
Pot won't get you into more trouble. If you have the will power to stay away from alcohol you have the power to overcome an addiction to weed. What really opened my eyes though was taking my first acid trip. It opened my eyes and made me realise just how much perceptions are altered by society.

---

I have to disagree with this advice. If you're dealing with depression, experimenting with pot, acid, and other drugs is one of the worst things that you can do. Especially since in a depressed mood, you are much less likely to be able to cope with the effects of drugs. Alcohol is bad enough, but taking acid when you're already in a weakened state of mind would be just plain stupid. You're smart to stay away from drugs, Renegade.

Here's my advice: go find a doctor, a counselor at your school, an teacher you trust, anyone, and tell them that you're dealing with depression. You'll probably end up being prescribed some sort of antidepressants, which will hopefully improve your mood within a week or two.

In case you haven't been reading the thread on antidepressants, let me repeat what I said there: needing drugs to help you out of depression is not a sign of weakness, any more than diabetics are weak for needing shots of insulin. I've known people with depression, seen them trying everything to get out of it, and seen the turn-around when they finally went to a doctor and got drugs for the problem.

As for the subject of school, I really find it disturbing how many people assume that your life is based entirely around what grades you get or what college you get into. Some of the happiest and most sucessful people I know struggled throughout school and didn't get into the college of their choice.

And finally, you aren't alone. Lots of people are going through the same exact feelings that you are. That includes many people on this forum. Don't give up, but instead go out and get help.

The best thing anyone can do is talk it through with someone you trust. Though trustworthy people are sometimes extremely hard to find.

------------------
"Don't do that son, you'll go blind."
"I'm over here, dad."

< http://www.ath0.net >

quote:

---

Originally posted by psaph:
The best thing anyone can do is talk it through with someone you trust. Though trustworthy people are sometimes extremely hard to find.

---

There are plenty of trustworthy people; the hard part is convincing yourself to trust them. All through High School I found it hard to trust anyone; even with my friends, I never really disclosed any personal information or talked about things that really mattered to me. Finally I got fed up with talking to people simply about "How did your day go," or "How did you do on that test," and started sharing things that really meant more to me and not being as afraid of what others thought of me, and it has been one of the best decisions I ever made in my life.

So, by all means, go out and find people you can trust, people you can talk to. But also, let me reiterate that if you are suffering from depression, the best thing you can do is tell your doctor that.

quote:

---

Originally posted by RenegadeSnark:
Hah, I know personguy will reply to this with another piece of his complicated experienced-it-all life.

---

BINGO! And there's only ONE PersonGuy, PapSmeerAndPurpleHaze (what does PSAPH stand for?????)!

First of all, I went through the same thing. Towards the end of school I stopped carring about anything, and my quickly went from strait A's to barely passing! Now, I don't have a SPECIFIC idea of what you should do, but here are my observations, and the things that I've learned from my experiences... hopefully the'll be useful to you...

1) Although I don't recommend experementing with drugs to ANYONE, it did help MY depression. Mostly because I tried them, and realized how much it sucked, and it made me want to turn my life around... So let me just TELL you... it sucks, and the fact that you aren't using them is 1 reason to feel good.

2) At the time of depression, I didn't care about school. A year after graduation I didn't care. Up until a few months ago I didn't care! But NOW looking back, I really wish I had tried harder. Not because grades are important (cause their not), but I feel like I waisted a decent free education. If I could get those few years back, I swear I'd read all the text books and study my ass off no matter how much it hurt! I know you can't understand that now, especially since you don't like the "common" advice... but seriously... get into your studies, it's impossible to regret.

3) Take a work experence credit! a) you get out of school early b) you meet people c) you get paid

4) I had the same idea about quitting school and starting a buisness. I graduated early, but I was SO unmotivated that it was IMPOSSIBLE! I had to get out into the world to learn this, but starting a buisnes ISN'T AT ALL IN THE LEAST BIT EASY! Judging from your post, you aren't SUPER motivated... I'm not trying to crush your dreams, but you should try to put that on the back burner at least for a few years.

5) Joining a school club is SUPER good. You'll meet people with the same intrests, it'll give you something to do after school, and it's usually fun. It sounds dumb, but trust me...

6) Dumb down the world. What I mean is, if you look at a groove in your desk and say, "Hey, that looks like a hotdog!" or actually listen to how stupid words like "finger" sound, the world becomes a fun place. Just look around the room... there's hundreds of things to laugh at! Live for the moment, and things always look better.

7) Messing with people can be a great hobby. One cheap thrill I used to enjoy was: goto a store and watch some body for a minute. Stand next to them an pretend your looking for a particular item. Then as they're about to pick-up whatever they're looking for, say "AH-HA!" really loud and grab it before they can!! They look at you like your crazy, and then you can just laugh at em, and put it back! It's great if you live in a city, cause you'll never see that person again in your life, so it doesn't matter! Another fun one: write down the telephone number of a payphone. Call it periodicly in the week to see who picks-up. Ask them to tell you about themselves, or just scream... it's all good. ONE MORE: Buy a BIG cowboy hat, and take a few minutes to run really fast through every isle in the super market (wear the hat).

Ok, I've been of little help... but please take this post MORE seriously than most of mine.

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<P:\>erson\Guy.exe -PersonGuy *pERSONgUY.cfg
< http://www.personguy.com >

Marijuana, LSD, and mushrooms opened my mind to a lot of things I was missing. That helped me out a **LOT**. BUT- and this is important- it is a VERY bad idea to do these things if you're depressed!!! Recreational drugs usually amplify whatever mood you're already in. If I get stoned when I'm in a good mood, everything seems insanely funny, but if I get stoned when I'm depressed my mind starts spinning, I get anxious and paranoid, and I want to curl up and die.

psaph, now that I know you've had the mind-bending experience that is acid, I can say that Paxil is a little bit like mushroom / LSD afterglow- where everything looks really pretty and you understand why life is worth living and what you have to do. The difference is that it doesn't go away in a few hours.

Renegade - check out the thread "Are you depressed?" - there ARE ways out of it. Some involve medication and some don't. Life is too short to waste feeling like shit.

This message has been edited by damien_s_lucifer on December 17, 2000 at 03:39 AM

quote:

---

Originally posted by Michael:
If you're dealing with depression, experimenting with pot, acid, and other drugs is one of the worst things that you can do.

-----------

You'll probably end up being prescribed some sort of antidepressants, which will hopefully improve your mood within a week or two.

---

oh give me a break michael. we have all heard your good drug/bad drug shit before, NO NO YOU CANNOT USE THIS MIND ALTERING SUBSTANCE but its perfectly ok to use this one!!

give me a break

quote:

---

Originally posted by Michael:
Taking acid as an antidepressant is about as stupid as using viagra as a contraceptive.

---

No one recommended taking acid as an antidepressant!!! In low doses and/or towards the end of a good trip, it DOES have antidepressant qualities, but then again so do :

- caffeine
- amphetamine
- ecstasy

I was just pointing out that there are some similarities I've seen. It's probably because stimulants, esp. LSD and amphetamine derivatives (speed, ecstasy) both cause a *temporary* boost in serotonin transmission.

The problem (and here is a answer to fatbitch's post) is that those drugs work by causing your neurons to *emit* more serotonin. Long-term usage of these drugs will cause the nerve endings to wither and eventually die off. SSRIs (Paxil, Zoloft, Prozac) work by keeping serotonin in the synapse, allowing a stronger signal to be sent without requiring more serotonin to be released.

There is evidence that suggests that SSRIs can *prevent* neurological damage, because the neurons don't exhaust their supply of serotonin.

quote:

---

Originally posted by pengu1nn:
i think paxil may work but you still miss the point about drugs: they are all drugs, it doesn't matter if they are "good" for you or "bad" for you. they all play with your brain and/or your body.

---

Um... so??? EVERYTHING plays with your brain and/or body somehow. Monitors do. The sun does. Food does.

In my experience, marijuana can help ease dysthymia a little bit, but it's unpredictable.

If you're a stoner and you're dysthymic, I HIGHLY recommend you quit smoking weed, and see if that helps (since mj can potentiate depression in some people). If not, go for Paxil/Prozac, and keep on rollin'

- Really really tired of school, almost to where it hurts
- Not enjoying computer games and pretty much *anything* as much anymore
- Pizza et al. used to like leap out at me with great taste, now I have to force myself to eat sometimes because I often feel like I don't even want dinner, regardless of the fact I ate no lunch or breakfast
- Hopelessness, check. (Goddamnit this sucks)
- This morning I took a Geom. H exam. Normally I'm really really good at pattern analysis (in fact so well that I had the highest person of anyone who tested when I tested into my school district's gifted program, a test that had a LOT of pattern analysis I remember whizzing through really quickly). I marked it down to loss of concentration or something, but it was VERY disturbing.
- Always tired.
- Wondering what it would be like to take a stack of drugs and just have reality phase away.

WTF?

Let me assure you, Paxil/Prozac does NOT make reality fade away. If anything they make it more interesting, so you pay more attention to it.

I used to worry about things I KNEW didn't matter, but I couldn't stop my brain from going crazy. For example, someone would say something to me that hurt my feelings a little bit, and for some reason I'd keep *thinking* about it even though I KNEW it was just a flippant comment and didn't mean much. I'd try my damndest to stop thinking about it, but I couldn't. I'd wind up wandering around in a daze, barely able to communicate with people or do things I needed or wanted to do.

When I got like that, I also could barely eat because my stomach felt like it was wound up in a knot. I didn't enjoy things very much, if at all. I was tired all the time, but it was really hard to fall asleep. I'd sleep for 14-16 hours a day.

I could get myself out of that hole, but it took a lot of time (a month or so) and energy to do it, and eventually I started thinking that it was a waste of my time and my life to fight it entirely on my own, when I could just take a pill and make it go away.

What's really cool is that now when I start to get depressed, I can just think "fuck this, I'm not going to think about it anymore" and my brain stops spinning. I have a LOT more control over my thoughts than I did before, and because I can do that I pay a lot more attention to the here & now - REALITY - than I used to.

Yeah, it's eerie to think that I need a pill to feel "normal." But if it works, it works, and I sure as hell am not interested in feeling the way I used to.

This message has been edited by damien_s_lucifer on December 18, 2000 at 05:28 PM

The problem with our society is, it teaches everyone that depression is just a weakness, some personal failing that anyone should just be able to "get over" if they're willing to try. This is not the case, but there is still a huge stigma attached to depression, and very few people are willing to accept it as a legitimate illness.

I speak from experience. I have been suffering from dysthymia (mild, chronic depression) for _years_ but only recently realized that this is what it was. I don't think I even knew that depression was really a mental disorder and not just a bad mood until very recently. Incidentally, this is why I've been doing so much reading on the subject.

Anyways, when I tell people that I've been operating for years under a mental fog that drains my energy and makes even everyday life an effort, they ae seldom willing to accept that it is really depression. "How do you know that you aren't just lazy?" asked one friend. When I told my doctor a few years ago that I always felt tired, he didn't even _mention_ depression, although to be fair I may not have been clear enough about the symptoms.

One of the most destructive things about depression is that many people are unwilling to believe in its existence, or to accept that a person taking antidepressants is no different than someone who is diabetic or asthmatic and cannot function normally without medication. I am trying to survive without medication, and am doing pretty well by getting exercise, relaxing, having fun, and eating well every day, but in the case of severe depression, self-help is virtually impossible.

Frankly I can trust a large number of my friends, hell even talk to them regularly about this sort of shit, but I mean come on. Let's take cr0bar for instance -- what can he do? Or perhaps my friends at school, but I wouldn't really share this with them at all because 99\% of them are the sort that would say "OK" and forget I existed.

quote:

---

Originally posted by Michael:
Renegade: my advice is, talk to your parents, your doctor, the school nurse or psychologist, or someone else you trust, and tell them that you're suffering from clinical depression and need treatment. If my advice isn't enough, listen to the others here who are on medication and whose lives are better because of it.

The problem with our society is, it teaches everyone that depression is just a weakness, some personal failing that anyone should just be able to "get over" if they're willing to try. This is not the case, but there is still a huge stigma attached to depression, and very few people are willing to accept it as a legitimate illness.

I speak from experience. I have been suffering from dysthymia (mild, chronic depression) for _years_ but only recently realized that this is what it was. I don't think I even knew that depression was really a mental disorder and not just a bad mood until very recently. Incidentally, this is why I've been doing so much reading on the subject.

Anyways, when I tell people that I've been operating for years under a mental fog that drains my energy and makes even everyday life an effort, they ae seldom willing to accept that it is really depression. "How do you know that you aren't just lazy?" asked one friend. When I told my doctor a few years ago that I always felt tired, he didn't even _mention_ depression, although to be fair I may not have been clear enough about the symptoms.

One of the most destructive things about depression is that many people are unwilling to believe in its existence, or to accept that a person taking antidepressants is no different than someone who is diabetic or asthmatic and cannot function normally without medication. I am trying to survive without medication, and am doing pretty well by getting exercise, relaxing, having fun, and eating well every day, but in the case of severe depression, self-help is virtually impossible.

---

the only "illegal" drug that can help depression is Marijuana (this is not an invation to do drugs either, i'm just tried of hearing that mj has no medical use when it does, i prove this every other day or so)
just don't get a mental dependance on it (althought you can get rid of it pretty easy if you want to)

i'm in kind of the same shit you are in. i just sort of go through the same shit just a different day and it may have been fun at one time but not anymore. i dropped out of hs twice, i'm late for work everyday and it fucking sucks. i say fuck going to the doctor! i dislike dr's.

i think paxil may work but you still miss the point about drugs: they are all drugs, it doesn't matter if they are "good" for you or "bad" for you. they all play with your brain and/or your body. my grandmother is on insulin (sp?) so is it wrong for me to say my grandmother does drugs? no because she is.
(i lost my point on that last part.....)

Talk to your family doctor, and have HIM refer you to a psychiatrist. If you tell your parents that you think you're suffering from clinical depression, they may well pull the "you're manipulating us" thing on you. But if your DOCTOR says the same thing, they'll listen closely. Especially if he tells them something like "if left untreated, this can progress to drug use, promiscuity, suicide attempts dropping out of high school" etc. Those things make parents look bad, so even if your parents are the most uncaring people in the world they'll still make sure to get you help.

(Disclaimer : I am deeply cynical about the way parents think. While they usually truly care about their kids, they often care even more about themselves.)

------------------
"Don't do that son, you'll go blind."
"I'm over here, dad."

< http://www.ath0.net >

I FUCKING HATE MY PARENTS

You know, I was feeling better. For the past two days I had started to lighten up a little - my motivation for my website reappeared in an instant, and I was chugging along well.

But then, true to their nature, my parents started stacking stress on me again. All they *ever* talk about is how bad I'm doing in school, and the *only* reason they ever come back to my room is to tell me to do something (i.e. come hold the flashlight for me, come take out the trash, or about 1 billion other things).

They're extremely spontaneous and will do things like this:
I'll be sitting back here working on something, deep in concentration, and they'll bust into here at top speed (mind you, without even knocking) and announcing that we're going to rewire my computer because it's messy and we're having company.

Problem: NO ONE EVER GOES IN MY ROOM! IT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER! EVERY TIME I FUCKING TAKE THE TIME TO REWIRE MY COMPUTER, IT GETS NO BETTER! I HAVE TWO COMPUTERS, TWO LAPTOPS, A LAMP, A BUNCH OF AUDIO EQUIPMENT, VARIOUS CLOCKS, THREE PHONES, AN ANSWERING MACHINE, DOCKING STATIONS FOR MY PDAS, AND MORE ON MY DESK! THAT = 10000000000000 WIRES GOING IN DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS! THE GUESTS ARE NOT GOING TO BE LOOKING UNDER MY DESK, MUCH LESS COMING BACK HERE, SO QUIT FUCKING ME OVER!

Fucking me over you ask? I have little time. Most of it goes to school and sleep, two things I really hate doing. The remaining free time I have is stolen by my parents habbit of scheduling things for me and not telling me until the very last minute. I FUCKING HATE THAT! And when they do make plans, 99\% of the time they are changed. FUCK!!!!

They completely refuse to respect me at all. Just the other weekend my father spent five minutes yelling 'YOURE A FUCKING LOSER' at me because he was mad about finding a camcorder tape shell in my room. Automatically assume chase is at fault for world hunger!

Bad thing tho... right now, I'm seeing his counselor with him on Saturdays (thank god he is willing to do that). It's really funny - at these meetings, my dad acts very open, passive, and is very easy to get along with. But after we leave, he'll do shit like yelling his guts out at me over meaningless crap, and refuse to hear me out (despite the fact he's telling his counselor that he IS listening to me).

God fucking damnit, due to all the stress my parents are stacking on me, I'm much more irritable lately. I'll be playing counter-strike, and one little thing will happen wrong. I pull the console and /quit in a fit of intense anger. My heart rate rises just seeing my parents, or hearing their voices.

My father is incredibly stubborn and neieve (sp?). "The Unabomber was an idiot because he killed people, and smart people don't go insane". uh-huh, just look at me.

Oh, and while he pretends to accept the fact I'm an athiest at times, he screams about it whenever upset (frequent). No offense father, but I can believe in whatever the fuck i want to.

I don't like going to family events anymore because my 9 year old sister will spend the ENTIRE TIME fucking with me and not leaving me alone. Remember I said I had been getting more irritable.

Well, my parents tell her to stop. And never, ever do anything else. STOP DOESN'T WORK ON NINE YEAR OLDS, ESP. IF YOU NEVER FOLLOW THROUGH!

They get angry when I tell them I don't want to go on family events, but I have justification.

(1) Takes away from my VERY LIMITED TIME to do something I don't even want to do (i.e. watch a "family movie" that will end up being something content-appropriate for 9 year olds [my sister])

(2) She won't stop annoying me and they won't do anything about it

(3) All they chose for topics of discussion are my schoolwork. STFU ALREADY, I DON'T CARE AND THAT'S ALL YOU TALK ABOUT!

They are so very inconsiderate of me. I try to tell them these things as calmly as possible, and just because I don't agree with them on EVERY ISSUE and adhere to their every desire, I'm some kind of reject moron.

God damn, they are REALLY REALLY UNUSUALLY GOOD at pissing me off. I'm serious. I am normally a VERY VERY tolerant person. VERY VERY VERY VERY tolerant. Why is it though I can't even tolerate being within 40 feet of them?

All my dad spends time talking about are my 'failures as a person'.

"Oh, you don't have enough balence in your life." Frankly, I do what's fun. It's my decision, not yours.

"Your grades are bad" Your constant harrassment has lead me to completely drop school as a priority or concern. It's the only way I can prevent myself from popping.

"You never do any of your chores on time" Wrong, false, invalid.

Then they have these habbits of making deals and going back on them. For instance, my grades were coming in and as usual my dad was upset. I asked him for something simple (you mind if I use your old 4 gig hard drive for a system I'm throwing together really quickly). <<Insert 40000 hour rant about my poor school performance>> We agree that I have until December to raise my grades to a 3 point GPA. (Kind of made that decision on impulse, thinking back I shouldn't have agreed but it doesn't matter because he changed the deal).

Then he gets a call from another teacher citing bad grades. So the situation hasn't changed, he's just getting the final details, which in the context of the deal really don't matter.

He decides to change our agreement.

This happened a total of 8 times over the past 2 months. 8 fucking times.

Not only that, each time he changes it he still calls it an agreement in order to evoke some type of 'you're part of this' crap, because I never agreed to the changes.

Bah, really long rant... but I needed to get that out. I'm going to fucking pop.

* Edited because I accidentally put things in the wrong order, making it confusing.

This message has been edited by RenegadeSnark on December 19, 2000 at 05:55 PM

I COMPLETELY understand you situation. My mom is an psyco bitch, and my dad is a pussy. It's something that I've had to accept over the years. Sure, I hate my parents, but I ok... and you know why? Cause I moved out, and I ONLY interact with them if it's an oppertunity for me to strip money off of 'em! Here's what you need to do and why: Get involved in clubs. Get involved in sports. Just get involved with somethinging that gets you out of the house. The more time you spend away, the less they'll bug you. Spend your free time getting into a colledge in another state. If you're parents care SOOO much about your education they'll fund it. If not, screw 'em! Just move away, and get job. Find a friend only, and share an appartment with them! Whatever... but your job is to just get out of that house, and don't get caught up in their crap! Ok? How many years you got left?

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<P:\>erson\Guy.exe -PersonGuy *pERSONgUY.cfg
< http://www.personguy.com >

He/She cannot tell ANYONE about any of that without your permission. That includes parents, even if you are underage. Its all part of the Hipocratic Oath and the Doctor-Patient relationship.

I know that for fact. A month or so back I had to go in for minor, out patient surgery. Since it was schedualed in the morning I dropped my sister off at school and then drove up to the hospital. When I got there I had to fill out a form saying that I gave my permission to do this. There was also a part of the form where there was a box to check labelled "Release Information". I asked what that was and they said "Oh, That means that if your mom or dad or someone calls, we can tell them that you're here". So I checked it off and signed on the X's, blah blah blah.

So you see, if you don't want them to know about it, they don't have to. So don't be worried about seeing the doctor. They're there to help.

-edit, spelling and clearing one thing up
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When my flying days are over, and my death has come to pass
I hope they bury me upside down, so the whole damn world can kiss my ass

This message has been edited by j0eSmith on December 19, 2000 at 06:38 PM

As far as education... frankly, I'm so bummed out about school at this time that I would like it much better to just get a GED at this point and 'to hell with school'. It certainly would help me maintain mental stability, since my stress breakdown is something like this:

School: 50\%
Parents: 50\%
Other: 0\%

Heh... Thanks for the advice tho, despite my lack of immediate action.

quote:

---

Originally posted by PersonGuy:
Listen, Renegade... first of all, I'll be honest, I've barely read any of the last 7 posts. And I only got the the "flashlight" part of yours. But anyway, here's what I gotta say...

I COMPLETELY understand you situation. My mom is an psyco bitch, and my dad is a pussy. It's something that I've had to accept over the years. Sure, I hate my parents, but I ok... and you know why? Cause I moved out, and I ONLY interact with them if it's an oppertunity for me to strip money off of 'em! Here's what you need to do and why: Get involved in clubs. Get involved in sports. Just get involved with somethinging that gets you out of the house. The more time you spend away, the less they'll bug you. Spend your free time getting into a colledge in another state. If you're parents care SOOO much about your education they'll fund it. If not, screw 'em! Just move away, and get job. Find a friend only, and share an appartment with them! Whatever... but your job is to just get out of that house, and don't get caught up in their crap! Ok? How many years you got left?

---

Make it a goal to work toward college. It is honestly the most fun you will have in your life. You meet people who are sooooo much like you, nobody has any parents, you can stumble home without embarressment (unless your floormates have a camera... ug), etc.

There are soooo many things to look forward to beyond high school. HS is mildly entertaining, but the 2 things you get out of it are a ticket to college, and the pleasure of looking back at the popular kids managing at the Ground Round years later. If you do a lot of things outside of class, you will be happy. There are fun things to do... technical crew for the school plays if you have to. That was some of the most fun I had in HS. And it was basically a collection of geeks who had nothing better to do than pound nails and wire up sound equipment for 16 hours on a Saturday.

Finally, for the love of god, get that ticket out of Piano, TX. Go to school anywhere else... preferably somewhere where it is expensive for your parents to fly you home for the holidays. You will be infinitely happier in just a few short... SHORT years.

A few months ago I got a girl at my school pregnant and have decided to move out with her, drop out of school and look for a job. I've listed myself in a heroin rehabilitation clinic to cope with the drug addiction I've had for almost 2 years. If you have any idea as to what kind of person I am you'll know that so far this letter has been completely ficticious. I'm just trying to get a message accross to you that I'm very unhappy and depressed mainly due to the way you treat me.
I'd very much like to sort things out but am finding it impossible to express my feelings to you. Could you please, PLEASE help me sort out all the tension and stress I've been experiencing lately."

------------------
"Don't do that son, you'll go blind."
"I'm over here, dad."

< http://www.ath0.net >

quote:

---

Originally posted by askheaves:
At the very least, Snark, remember this. Most of the people on this board have escaped. They are either going to school, just graduated school, or are a 70's porn star. It's totally possible for a geeky kid to get away from the pressures of family. I don't claim to have a hard childhood (overbearing parents of a slightly different type), but I have managed to become almost completely my own person.

Make it a goal to work toward college. It is honestly the most fun you will have in your life. You meet people who are sooooo much like you, nobody has any parents, you can stumble home without embarressment (unless your floormates have a camera... ug), etc.

There are soooo many things to look forward to beyond high school. HS is mildly entertaining, but the 2 things you get out of it are a ticket to college, and the pleasure of looking back at the popular kids managing at the Ground Round years later. If you do a lot of things outside of class, you will be happy. There are fun things to do... technical crew for the school plays if you have to. That was some of the most fun I had in HS. And it was basically a collection of geeks who had nothing better to do than pound nails and wire up sound equipment for 16 hours on a Saturday.

Finally, for the love of god, get that ticket out of Piano, TX. Go to school anywhere else... preferably somewhere where it is expensive for your parents to fly you home for the holidays. You will be infinitely happier in just a few short... SHORT years.

---

Bah, well, school *still* isn't my thing. I just don't mix with it well at all.

I was in tech theatre for a while, and well... that didn't last.

Far as Plano goes tho, Plano is actually a nice place to be. It's a suburb of Dallas (not exactly a small town and definitely not a hickville), well designed and there's even a lot of people out here.

A bunch of game developers are nearby (id Software included)... lots and lots of telecom business as well as others. I would be hesitant to move from Plano.

What I'm saying is this. Stop you sniveling and whining and do something about it instead of sitting on your ass and doing nothing.

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Leaving the trees was a bad idea.

quote:

---

Originally posted by Wolfguard:
Life sucks and it will continue to suck your entire life.

---

If you live life with that attitude, that's exactly what you're going to find in life. But once you realize that life _doesn't_ have to be like that, you can start to try to improve it.

So don't go into life thinking "Life will always be terrible. The best I can do is make it bearable and try to get as much pleasure as possible along the way." There really are a lot of people that are happy with life, and there's no reason why you can't be one of them.

My advice, get over it, fast.

and ends with...

How? That is up to you. Your what, all of 15? So it sucks to be under the control of your parents at this point. Wait 3 years and move out. Still have to go to school? Then go, get a diploma and go to college. Want to drop out now? Get your GED first; it gives you someplace to bargain from.
What I'm saying is this. Stop you sniveling and whining and do something about it instead of sitting on your ass and doing nothing.

Respond to the entire message fucknugget and not just the parts with the easy to grasp ideas.

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Leaving the trees was a bad idea.

That doesn't make sense.

Anyway, drugs. I was told that I was to be puffing on some high quality skunk about a week ago. It was a friend's birthday present and we went round to another friend's house before a night out to smoke it. We started off and thought he'd been gipped because it tasted just like a cigarette. But then I got it back again and it was at the fat bit. I sucked some into my mouth, passed it over and then inhaled expecting to be able to hold it in there for about 5 seconds. What happened? It felt like acid had been poured on my lungs and then I just went really dizzy. The same thing happened to my mates. One of them was in a real state because the smoke had got in his eyes and he was trying to stay upright and wipe the tears from his eyes at the same time.

Then we had to sit down for a bit while the dizzyness went and then we wanted lots of food to get the taste out of our mouths.

Remember, this is supposed to be skunk, the best so what the fuck normal stuff is like, I don't want to know and neither do you. What a waste of time. I'm going to stick with getting shitfaced on alcohol if you don't mind, it's a lot more fun and lasts longer, but it is a lot more expensive.

I still want to go to Amsterdam though.
cheers

quote:

---

Originally posted by Wolfguard:
Stop you sniveling and whining and do something about it instead of sitting on your ass and doing nothing.

---

The reason that I didn't respond to the whole message was that I didn't even want to get _started_ yelling at you for the rest of it, but now that you bring it up: if you had read the rest of the thread, you should have seen that Renegade commented in the very first post that everyone tells him to "get over it" and gives advice like yours, and it doesn't do any good. And if you knew a bit more about depression, you would realize that it isn't something that you can just forget about or defeat on your own, so your saying that Renegade is just "sniveling and whining" can only make matters worse.

quote:

---

Originally posted by LazyGit:
Then we had to sit down for a bit while the dizzyness went and then we wanted lots of food to get the taste out of our mouths.

---

Later on that day, my hommie Dr. Dre came through with a gang of Tanguary... and a fatass J of some Bubonic Chronic that made me choke. Shit, this ain't no joke. I had to back up off of it and sit my cup down. Tanguary and Chronic, I'm fucked up now.

If that stuff tasted like a cigarette, maybe you did get ripped off. The good stuff tastes good... my favorite tastes like christmas trees.

quote:

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Originally posted by askheaves:
my favorite tastes like christmas trees.

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mmmmmm, christmas tree weed.

and i would say you got ripped. weed has a smell and a taste that most non-smokes (read: first timers, or people that son't smoke that happen to come by when you have one lit up) like and prefer it to cigs.

quote:

---

Originally posted by Michael:
isn't something that you can just forget about or defeat on your own, so your saying that Renegade is just "sniveling and whining" can only make matters worse.

---

Again, i said quit sniveling and whining and DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.
Is there anyone here over 30 that remembers being a teen. Depresion is part of it. Your stuck in between forces that are total out of your control and hey, its depressing when you dont control your own life. Again, get over it, it will pass and soon you will have control.
He was complaining about wanting to drop out of school and work. I told him to go get his GED first and why.

But mostly i told him what he needs to do.

GET OFF HIS ASS AND DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT

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Leaving the trees was a bad idea.

This message has been edited by Wolfguard on December 21, 2000 at 05:14 AM

First off, this should be said:
(1) I rarely ever dream;
(2) When I do, I never remember it.

Last night though I had a dream that even know I can still remember.

--------- Snark's Dream Below this line -------

It starts off with a girl from my English II Honors class. She is upset, almost whining that "I never let freshmen come over". I deduce that she is my girlfriend. (In real life, I know her. However she is a sophomore). I say "Fine, come over."

I'm waiting around my house and my dad comes home. All of the sudden I have a really intense hatrid that I can feel boiling. I figure, though, that I can get her in through the garage.

I go out in the garage and my dad follows me out. I can't get rid of him, he's sort of there and won't leave. The chords of anger keep donging in my heart, I just have this INTENSE HATRID for him. Later on he starts walking to the trashcan at the end of our driveway while the girl from my english class walks up. She's looking different than normal. How I'm not sure... she just does. Anyway, she gives me a little hug and kiss. My dad gives me this look I just cannot describe. Roll intense anger again.

Then the dream ends with her laying on top of me, in my bed, and we're making out.

------------ End Dream, Begin Discussion --------

Fact of the matter is that I've never had a problem with my parents and females. I can think of my parents and my grades and get pissed off, or my parents and a lot of things. But "my parents vs my sex life" is something I just sort of shrug off because they've never caused a problem there.

Which is odd... because I had such intense, colorful anger in the dream. And it carried over into today. My dad called me to ask a simple non-grade-related question and I got very very pissed off (though I didn't show it to him, I'm good at holding myself back).

I have some sort of unconcious feeling that this dream has had some sort of significance, and hell my concious is thinking the same things I wrote at the beginning of this thread. So what's up?

I would figure any dream with me making out with a hot girl should be all steamy and fun, but this had a very evil/dark undertone to it and it won't leave my mind.

And I remember it like it actually happened, which is a very first for me concerning dreams.

My advice for the rest of this thread: You sound like you have bad parents. A terrible thing to say; but if your arguments come across to them as clear as they do to us here with no effect; they really need sorting out.

If you can't move out, try seeking some sort of councilling. There are agencies that provide advice to minors over in the US, I'm sure of it.

Secondly, go see the doctor. Before you tell them anything though, first ask them what their privacy policy is. If you're too shy to do it to the doctor's face - write a letter. Antidepressants will help you deal with your parents and begin to dig your way out of the hole you're obviously in.

Additionally, getting the antidepressants will help you pick up your school life. Your problems are interconnected as I'm sure you realise. If you see the doctor and gain more motivation, you will be able to get those grades back and in that you will be giving your dad the finger.

I have parents that will always find something wrong with me; if my rooms a mess I get done for that. If I tidy it, I go out too much. If I don't go out too much, I don't go out enough. Etc., I'm sure you empathise.

So, to summarise:

(1) Get confidential medical help
(2) Sort your education out
(3) Your parents should improve

It seems easy for me to write it and hard for you to follow it - but check out the doctor situation and everything else will fall into place.

If I can help with advice or anything my ICQ is 21984549 and my email is incubus@ice-breaker.net.

Hope your situation improves.

Mike

------------------
-- incubus
As I chase the leaves like the words I never find ...

I did discover one "Crystal Method" song called Bad Stone that seems to lift my mood. Music *really* goes to my head.

Heh.
Anyway, I suppose I'll work it out.

quote:

---

Originally posted by RenegadeSnark:
I did discover one "Crystal Method" song called Bad Stone that seems to lift my mood. Music *really* goes to my head.

---

That whole album really does that for me, you should buy or d/l it dude. The album is 'Vegas'. High roller is the best song though. Glad your feeling better though <:]

------------------
aventari
"Q: How do you tell an extrovert computer scientist? A: He looks at _your_ shoes when he talks to you."

------------------
-- incubus
As I chase the leaves like the words I never find ...

------------------
<P:\>erson\Guy.exe -PersonGuy *pERSONgUY.cfg
< http://www.personguy.com >

Ha, if that's what it takes...

quote:

---

Originally posted by aventari:
That whole album really does that for me, you should buy or d/l it dude. The album is 'Vegas'. High roller is the best song though. Glad your feeling better though <:]

---

You are right about the whole album, I don't even really have a favorite.

I wish they [Crystal Method] had some more cd's besides Vegas. Sucks, because they're awesome.

-This transmission is coming to you...

------------------
<P:\>erson\Guy.exe -PersonGuy *pERSONgUY.cfg
< http://www.personguy.com >

quote:

---

Originally posted by RenegadeSnark:
Ha... the miracle of alcohol and cigarettes.
[...]
Ha, if that's what it takes...

---

Fun, isn't it. It may be bad physiologically for your body, but you can't deny the good time

I went to a party last weekend, just drank, smoked, and smoked all night long. Haven't had the desire to drink much since, but I was certainly in a better mood .

I'm the annoying middle of the road, psychologist-like idiot that no one really likes so here's my 2 bits.

I've gone throught this, too. I'm now 19 and went through this about twice. I started contemplating suicide at 8, though I don't really count that. My first major bout started in junior high. I had almost no friends, and the friends I did have lived on the other side of town, so that contact outside of school was almost impossible. If I had taken the time look around me I would have realised that there were many people willing to be my friend, but I was shy and in a way too self-centered to notice. It peaked my sophomore year of high school. I wasn't interested in anything and had little inclination to do anything. I was lucky enough to have parents who cared (they were the only reason I didn't didn't commit suicide a couple times, not that they knew, but the thought of what my death would do to them). Then I was lucky enough to swing a trip to Spain through my school. This opened my eyes to the larger world and gave me some new surroundings and insight and interest into the world.

My second bout came at the end of my senior year. All of the friends I had made and hung out with had splintered and school was no challenge. My teachers were shitheads and my parents were getting annoying. The gaping void climaxed just before the graduation ceremony and once again went away that summer when I went to Japan.

Now for how this applies to you. Your situation doesn't seem to hold any major travel, but getting out and doing something, especially where you can avoid your parents for at least two weeks, will help to no end. However, your parents cannot be exactly as bad as you say. I think that you do have legitimate problems with them (and they with you, more than likely), but it is to some extent puberty. You feel the need to leave your home and rebel against your parents, which is natural, but you do have some form of depression.

I think that you should also schedule some time with the psychiatrist that you and your father have been going to, but go alone. It's often easier to say what your feeling without the main focus of the problem there.

I also recommend trying to get away to a college, it is a great experience and you do meet people more like yourself there.

That's my rant...