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Forum: The Classroom
Topic: Kitchen Security
started by: CowboyNeal

Posted by CowboyNeal on Jul. 17 2001,18:39

Let's face it: in today's modern world, you don't know what criminals are after, whether it be your jewelry, precious vases, or, even your KITCHEN. Yes, that's right, some people break in to other's houses just to jack some food right out of their kitchen. Lord knows back in the day when I was a little more agile and nimble I engaged in a little bit of kitchen robbing myself. In this post I'm going to discuss some of the finer points of kitchen security so you can make sure people like me don't take your sweet, SWEET food.

Right off the bat, I'll tell you that not all security systems can be implemented "straight from the store", so to speak, a lot of the time they take some CUSTOMIZING. And I can tell you, "Never give anyone the keys to yo kitchen." Now, on my security system, I went all out as far as customizing. I mean ALL out. I hollowed out the walls and filled them with titanium, I have a keyprint scanner and a 3-foot thick blast door just to get in the kitchen. Once you're in, to access my huge walk-in refrigerator, you have to have Administration access as well on your thumbprint. And of course, I store these fingerprints in a database on my secure Linux box. This security system definitely took some hard work in design, and I was sweatin' Crisco just trying to implement that titanium, whoo, believe me...just keep in mind when designing your system that you should always tailor it to how many people you think will be around it, and if someone tries to break in, how high tech of tools they may have to break thru your system. Me, I'm paranoid when it comes to food hence my 3-foot blast door. But that's me.

Speaking of food, I think I'm going to go to my walk-in refrigerator, where consequently, I keep one of my Linux boxes that I overclocked to 2450Mhz. Later.

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I'm a bad little cowboy and I like it.*

*by little i mean huge**

**and by Cowboy I mean fat-ass

Posted by DeadAnztac on Jul. 17 2001,18:50

You know, with a system like that, I'de assume you would lose weight. I mean, it doesn't exactly sound like you could just walk by and grab something to eat, or to munch on. Personally I'de never sacrifice that kind of convinence for the piece of mind that noone had gotten to my Mint Chocolate Chip Oreo Ice Cream. I mean, it would be nice to catch the fiends when they go after my favorite, but I'm not willing to slow down my own personal consumption just for that.

Posted by CowboyNeal on Jul. 17 2001,22:50

Why thank you, I have lost weight, down from 634lbs to 629 (with a 5 pound margin of error)

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I'm a bad little cowboy and I like it.*

*by little i mean huge**

**and by Cowboy I mean fat-ass

Posted by Dysorderia on Jul. 18 2001,03:16

This is the dumbest fucking thread that i have had the misfortune to encounter.

Why in the name of all that is holy, did you create this thread, Neal?

Are you that fucking paranoid to actually think that someone will break into your house just to rip off your food?

To quote /dev/null from < http://www.attrition.org: >
"You, sir, are not only stupid, you're insane".

I think that you should do us all a favor by taking the power cord out of the back of one of your PC's, and stick it in your mouth with the other end in the 3-phase socket.

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Windows 95 -n- (win-doze): a 32 bit Extension to a 16 bit Graphical Shell of
an 8 bit Operating System originally coded for a 4 bit Processor by a 2 bit
company that can't stand one bit of competition!!

Posted by CowboyNeal on Jul. 18 2001,03:48

Mmm....power cord...

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I'm a bad little cowboy and I like it.*

*by little i mean huge**

**and by Cowboy I mean fat-ass

Posted by Wh4ck3r on Jul. 18 2001,03:51

cowboyneal, i am in your debt because of your life saving sugestion i have saved POUNDS of food! including:
3 hams
1 pound of cheese
1 mut loaf
4 buckets of ice cream
lots of doreetos
and a role of power cord, which is mighty tasty i might add

thanks again neal! your my new bestfriend!
were food buddies!

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a testicle for a testicle solves overpopulation -me

This message has been edited by Wh4ck3r on July 18, 2001 at 10:51 PM

Posted by CowboyNeal on Jul. 18 2001,03:54

It's always nice to meat people with common interests! I've always said the only thing more addictive than heroin is a good meal. . .I'd invite you over for one, but I'm afraid the system I described above is armed.

This message has been edited by CowboyNeal on July 18, 2001 at 10:54 PM

Posted by porn_dealer on Jul. 18 2001,03:59

It's always nice to meat people.

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I swear to god the combined IQ of these forums (not including the ladies) must be less than the cost of a used 85 honda civic with severe rear damage...
-- Kamilion

Posted by CowboyNeal on Jul. 18 2001,03:59

I don't get it...

Posted by porn_dealer on Jul. 18 2001,04:01

All right, I have a proposition you may get this time around. Taco Bell, on the Ave, 2:30. Deal?

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I swear to god the combined IQ of these forums (not including the ladies) must be less than the cost of a used 85 honda civic with severe rear damage...
-- Kamilion

Posted by PersonGuy on Jul. 18 2001,14:06

quote:
Originally posted by CowboyNeal:
I don't get it...

I do! In fact, I'm on my way to meat a girl who will ALSO be giddy about the whole 9 yards!

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"Put the cheese on my bum." -Tom Green
-< PersonGuy >

This message has been edited by PersonGuy on July 19, 2001 at 09:07 AM

Posted by askheaves on Jul. 18 2001,15:15

Um... did anybody else notice that Wh4ck3r is back? I'm not comfortable.

Posted by DeadAnztac on Jul. 18 2001,16:23

(*psst* ask, I think that Wh4ck3r is cowboyneal)

Posted by Wh4ck3r on Jul. 18 2001,20:17

quote:
Um... did anybody else notice that Wh4ck3r is back? I'm not comfortable.

You know what IS comfortable? When you put youre dick in a laundry basket. Now thats some crazy-shit man!!!1

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a testicle for a testicle solves overpopulation -me

Posted by L33T_h4x0r_d00d on Jul. 19 2001,05:17

quote:
Originally posted by PersonGuy:
I do! In fact, I'm on my way to meat a girl who will ALSO be giddy about the whole 9 yards!

Ha! Like a bucket of chinese nails.

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quote:
Originally posted by Spydir about Dysorderia :
oh fuck it, you're to ignorant and self indulged to even consider anything other then "I'm from england and I hate americans and humans are killing the earth and blah-de-fucking-blah-blah".