Ikonboard » Printable Version of Topic » I'm all alone in a Godless universe.

Forum: The Classroom
Topic: I'm all alone in a Godless universe.
started by: psaph

Posted by psaph on Dec. 10 2000,22:25

I feel as though I'm going insane. There's just so much going on in my life at the moment and I think sometimes that things just can't get any worse. The result is an incredibly knotted stomach and a feeling of complete helplessness. The worst part is that I find most of my friends to be insular, shallow and self obsessed people who thrive on all things aesthetic which makes me feel incredibly isolated. I have no-one to express my feelings too and it hurts.

I don't expect a reply of any sort I guess. I just need to get something off my chest. I'm so alone. :-(

Posted by Spydir Web on Dec. 10 2000,23:13

dude, I know how it gets. And when ever you try to explain it to someone they always say something like "well don't kill yourself" or something. Maybe it's just me, but people always jump to the conclusion that just because I'm a little on the psycho side I'm gonna blow a bullet in my head cuz I'm depressed. Only thing you can is try to live through it. Don't run from your problems, face them head on. Running just makes it worse. And when it's all over, call up your friends, throw a party, and if someone asks for what, just say "because life's a bitch, just like your mom" and laugh.

(this is a serious post by the way, except the life's a bitch, like your mom thing... you can do that if you want, though )

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Spydir Web - spydirweb@techie.com
Core Arctic - < http://welcome.to/CoreArctic/ >

Posted by PersonGuy on Dec. 11 2000,00:49

Man! I know how you feel! Once I got really depressed. Fortunately I was saved! Here's how it all happened...

Because I would sometimes cry a little by accident, I started wearing sunglasses 100\% of the time during school. When teachers told me to remove them, I told them I'd rather recieve a punishment than take them off. They always decided to not bug me about it.

ANYWAY, that's not the good part...

So by wearing these, chicks who were slightly screwed-up (the kind who are "fixers"... grew up taking care of parents or siblings... usually go-on to be nurses) started paying attention to me. They someone picked up on that I needed help, and were deathly attracted to that!

Then I started going out with one! GOOD BECAUSE:

a) going out with someone gave me good self asteem

b) gave me excuse to get out and have fun

c) being liked was nice

d) someone was always on my side (cause she's a "fixer" and wants to make me feel good)

e) I realized I was better off than her, and that made me feel good

So there you go! In ALL SERIOUSNESS: start looking pitaful and someone will take care of you! I know that sounds like bad advice, but it worked for me...

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<P:\>erson\Guy.exe -PersonGuy *pERSONgUY.cfg
< http://www.personguy.com >

Posted by PersonGuy on Dec. 11 2000,00:52

SEE EVEN AT MY GRADUATION!!!

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<P:\>erson\Guy.exe -PersonGuy *pERSONgUY.cfg
< http://www.personguy.com >

Posted by psaph on Dec. 11 2000,01:00

Spydir, I get that all the time. I can't explain how I feel sometimes and I'm -not- suicidal. Sometimes when I do confide in someone they make me feel as though I've overstepped the boundaries of our friendship. I don't run from my problems, they just seem to be wooping my arse at the moment. And it fucking hurts. I'm caught in a relationship that I doubt, she talks about spending the rest of our lives together, and I'm only 20. I don't feel I can talk to her properly, my father is not the emotional kind and my mother is in another country (in a shit predicament herself). It's just been too much. But thanks for your replies, it really made me feel better.

Posted by Michael on Dec. 11 2000,01:54

quote:
Originally posted by PersonGuy:
So there you go! In ALL SERIOUSNESS: start looking pitaful and someone will take care of you! I know that sounds like bad advice, but it worked for me...

Yes, but you don't want a girlfriend who only likes you because she feels sorry for you... especially since once you no longer need her care, she may no longer have any need to be around you...

What you really need, what we all need on occasion, is someone to talk to, someone who is willing to just listen to your problems without making any judgements or trying to give any advice. It has happened to me several times this year that I just started talking with someone, and ended up sharing more than I ever thought I would. And I felt better about it, afterwards; it isn't always easy sharing things with others, but it's nice to know that someone out there knows what you're going through.

Posted by psaph on Dec. 11 2000,02:39

I know, Michael, but there's just a lack of people to confide in. As I mentioned before, my friends as I've realised are not my friends. The feeling of isolation is terrible, and I don't want to make friends purely on sympathy.

Posted by askheaves on Dec. 11 2000,02:49

I used to share my feeling a lot, until I reailzed that nobody really cares what I'm talking about. The epitome of this realization was when I was in a big predicament (relationships, blah blah blah) and I didn't know the short way to explain what was happening to me. I tried explaining to a number of people, and ended up getting bored people who didn't seem to care, couldn't relate, didn't have any sort of advice or anything to say, etc... inluding one of my best friends from high school, another high school friend and tepfather.

So, I've stopped explaining my hardships or really even talking much at all about myself. It just becomes easier to have very few friends, except acquantances that I can make laugh. It's easier just to push people away, move to the other side of the country, and focus on your own shit. Most of the problems in life come from the others around you... damn them. At least I'm not depressed about it

That was probably one of my wierdest posts yet. I appologize for bugging you all. Nothing to see here, just move along.

Posted by psaph on Dec. 11 2000,07:13

I did speak to a friend of mine and she did make me feel better.. but perhaps it's just my male side emerging, while I do feel better, the problem still isn't solved.

Posted by fatbitch on Dec. 11 2000,17:18

finding a female to talk to can sometimes be really helpful, because of the way they deal with problems

men like to look at a problem and try to solve it, which is why a girl can get very frutrated if she is dumping her emotional baggage on you and you try and solve her problems, rather than just listening

women however, dont generally try and solve their peer's problems, they listen, take it all in, and tell them it will be ok etc

so in conclusion, you are having 'female' type problems (im not calling you a sissy or anything obviously ) so find yourself a female to talk to... mother (impossible ), sister, cousin, friend, girlfriend, anyone. you will find it a lot easier to get the right support. they wont solve your problems, btu they will make you feel better about them

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"I didnt know cows had boobs, I just thought they had that big nutsack with all the wieners hanging off it" - Beavis

Metal/Electronic/Ambient etc..
< http://www.mp3.com/fatbitch >

Posted by damien_s_lucifer on Dec. 11 2000,18:29

quote:
Originally posted by psaph:
I feel as though I'm going insane... an incredibly knotted stomach and a feeling of complete helplessness...I'm so alone.

I know how you feel. I felt like that for at least 6 mos. out of every year for the past 10 years. Those are the symptoms of clinical depression. Go to a shrink and TALK to him/her and see what they think. In my case the doc gave me a combo of therapy and Paxil (an antidepressant). The therapy helped a little, the medication helped a lot. It doesn't make you happy and it doesn't make you numb, it keeps you from feeling like shit and lets you FEEL shit (feeling "numb" is actually a symptom of depression.)

Hope this helps...

This message has been edited by damien_s_lucifer on December 11, 2000 at 01:51 PM

Posted by psaph on Dec. 11 2000,19:07

There's another thread in this forum about antidepressants. I don't like the idea of taking a drug to cope. I'd consider seeing a shrink but only as a last resort. I'm not rich. :-P

Posted by damien_s_lucifer on Dec. 11 2000,19:55

I thought that one had gone to the Great BB in the Sky.

Okay, I'll go there.

Posted by Neophyre on Dec. 11 2000,21:59

Carpe Diem

Posted by PersonGuy on Dec. 12 2000,00:42

quote:
Originally posted by Michael:
Yes, but you don't want a girlfriend who only likes you because she feels sorry for you... especially since once you no longer need her care, she may no longer have any need to be around you...
and
What you really need, what we all need on occasion, is someone to talk to, someone who is willing to just listen to your problems without making any judgements or trying to give any advice.

But that's exactly MY point!! SHE'LL be that person to talk to. She'll be determined to make you feel good. AND you'll know when it's all good again, because she WILL leave! It's like room service at a hotel: Just let them come in and do their thing. They won't leave until there's a shower cap in the bathroom and your bed is neatly made with a mint on the pillow!!! (just make sure she doesn't swipe the change on the counter)

(wow... that was a really good analogy...)

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<P:\>erson\Guy.exe -PersonGuy *pERSONgUY.cfg
< http://www.personguy.com >

Posted by psaph on Dec. 12 2000,01:06

It does sound like a plan, Personguy, but girls know about guys who whinge and whine for sympathy. I know a few that I could whine to but I'd end up in bed with them. This isn't altogether a bad thing, but I have a girlfriend though I'd like to break it off with her and I don't know how. Any suggestions on how to do this? I don't want to hurt her feelings, I do still care for her.

Posted by Hellraiser on Dec. 12 2000,01:12

My friends? What friends? I don't have any friends! Damn. Now I'm depressed. Great. You've given me a fucking complex.

In all seriousness, I learned once that my friends were the source of my depression because they didn't really care about me. Since then, I've not really had any close friends, except perhaps a few people who are twice my age. You sort of learn to be alone, and it makes you stronger.

But I do miss socializing...did I actually admit that? I can't believe it!

As to the whole pitaful, er pitiful thing, it never worked for me, so I can't vouch for its usefulness, but whatever works for you, do it!

Hopefully some day I'll find some one (hopefully of the opposite sex) who really cares about me. Until then I can only dream. Speaking of which, I need to get some sleep. Night all.

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Posted by Michael on Dec. 12 2000,04:22

quote:
Originally posted by psaph:
I have a girlfriend though I'd like to break it off with her and I don't know how. Any suggestions on how to do this?

I would say first of all, do it in person, not over the phone, not over IM, definitely not by email. I am sure that it would be much harder in person, but it also shows respect.

Also, tell her exactly how you stand with her and your relationship with her: whether you want to remain friends, or whatever. The cruelest thing is to leave people hanging and uncertain; clean cuts heal faster. (But "clean cut" does not mean too abrupt or without warning.)

Disclaimer: others are much more qualified than I am to give advice on this subject...

Posted by psaph on Dec. 12 2000,06:54

I spoke to her this afternoon and broke it to her that a little space would be good. We've been seeing each other for almost 2 years now, but even though she's a fantastic person she just doesn't do it for me. Going to her house almost seems like going to prison.

Know what I mean?

Posted by fatbitch on Dec. 12 2000,11:00

psaph, what part of sydney do you live in?

Posted by psaph on Dec. 12 2000,18:09

I'm about 20 minutes from the CBD. Whereabouts are you? I honestly didn't think there'd be anyone from Sydney let alone Australia on this bbs. Fancy that, eh? :-)

Posted by Spydir Web on Dec. 12 2000,20:10

quote:
Fancy that, eh? :-)

naw man, that's Canadian ;P

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Spydir Web - spydirweb@techie.com
Core Arctic - < http://welcome.to/CoreArctic/ >

Posted by psaph on Dec. 13 2000,00:08

Whats Canadian?

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"Don't do that son, you'll go blind."
"I'm over here, dad."

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Posted by reman on Dec. 13 2000,00:18

psaph,

I live in Marrickville and we regularly do some roleplaying so if you roleplay or want to have a go say so and I can arrange for some helpful social fun! Oh and that goes for anyone else on this forum, if you live in Sydney and want to roleplay with us (NB we are an eclectic group of 20-35y.o.'s so have no fear for us being the pimply teen crowd) just email me.

Otherwise, I wouldn't mind know exactly what the problem is, what do you think started it? and why do you think it isn't getting any better?

reman

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People ask me to fix their computer. I do in 5 seconds.
They say "You think your good don't you".
I say "I know I'm good". People always ask stupid questions.

Posted by psaph on Dec. 13 2000,01:22

Roleplay? Like those support groups in Fight Club or something? Or like those dungeons and dragons game cards? I've never had anything to do with either really. Though a huge contingent of my school friends were... the D&D part that is. Hell, I wouldn't be suprised if half of them were in therapy. :-P

Posted by reman on Dec. 13 2000,01:31

Yes as in like dungeons and dragons the roleplaying games. anyway all i can do is offer. if you're interested email me. and no we arent _all_ in therapy.

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People ask me to fix their computer. I do in 5 seconds.
They say "You think your good don't you".
I say "I know I'm good". People always ask stupid questions.

Posted by fatbitch on Dec. 13 2000,04:22

i am in miranda, in the sutho shire (near cronulla beach if u know that)

Posted by psaph on Dec. 13 2000,04:31

I've never really gotten into those D&D games in a big way.

fatbitch, Yah. I went to cronulla on saturday night.