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Forum: The Classroom
Topic: "ups" and "downs"
started by: melk0r

Posted by melk0r on Jul. 13 2001,04:59

ok, so im sure that we all know that relationships go through ups and downs. in my four month relationship (so far) with my girlfriend i have not experienced any downs so to speak, until about a week ago.

i almost cant remember like who it was or what it was i liked so much, and i dont even remember if i did like her honestly, but right now i just feel like i want to give up trying in my relationship.

she is busy, and her summer is filled with a lot of shit, camps for this, camps for that. shes frequently leaving and coming back every few days. she left about a week ago for three days, and when she was gone i didnt miss her that much, i just went out and spent a lot of time with my friends. when she got back, it felt like everything had changed. i wasnt used to spending as much time with her as i had before, and all this stuff. i felt like giving up, yeah.

she can tell this.. kind of, and we have a "Serious" talk. this doesnt happen often, but basically i heard some things that disappointed me further, i.e. i am the first / only person she has cared this much about, and she really doesnt want to lose me, etc. i was surprised, and this was the last thing that i expected from her, considering i went into this ready for a break-up.

right now i am just a big mess of mixed emotions, and she's leaving for eight days starting tomorrow, and i dont know what im going to do. i'd like to stick it out, but if its for a lost cause its only going to make it harder to break up. what in the hell should i do? have any of you experienced this?

Posted by PersonGuy on Jul. 13 2001,09:27

Yah... I hate when the relationship becomes talking about the relationship. I'd say your instincts are probably pretty keen on this. You basically have 2 choices at this point.

1) WORK on the relationship. If this is something you REALLY enjoy, keep it going.

2) Break it off. Mabey you don't have time... mabey you've grown appart... mabey it's something else... but if things just WON'T work, it's best for the both of you that you move on, no matter how much of a connection you've HAD.

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"Put the cheese on my bum." -Tom Green
-< PersonGuy >

Posted by CatKnight on Jul. 15 2001,03:25

i say if she really likes you enough to have a serious talk about her liking you a lot, then you should work it out. you might be seperated a lot of the time, but you still see each other pretty often. i don't think there should be too much of a problem. if i was in your position i would be greatful when she came back and we'd have lots of hot sex. i dunno about you though, you say you don't miss her when she's gone. oh well it's up to you.

Posted by demonk on Jul. 15 2001,15:50

Last summer my girlfriend got a job that required her to work really tough hours. Like 5pm to 11pm, 5am to 11 am, that kind of stuff. All the while, I was working 8am to 5pm, regular hours. This put a lot of strain of our relationship since we barely saw each other. And when we did, there was a little resentment that we had to give up projects and other stuff we were doing to spend time together. I think this might be one of your problems. But, if you work at it, and both of you talk about what each of you is expecting from this relationship, you can weather the storm and come out stronger than before. My girlfriend and I are going to be celebrating our 3 year anniversity the 27th this month, and things are better than ever. There is an upside to relationships going through tough times.

Posted by Nikita on Jul. 16 2001,05:21

Bleh, being apart sucks, but try to keep communication going one way or the other. Heck, send her a surprise postcard or a care package. She'll appreciate it.

... nice people you can truly like and spend time with are hard to find

... this may just be a short time of hardship ... if you 2 get through it, the relationship may well be stronger because of the trial. Life isn't pretty all the time. :\

... you say don't miss her when she's gone, and you hang out with your friends a lot. But when you're alone - what's going through your mind?

Posted by Rogue on Jul. 16 2001,05:53

It can work out. It just takes a little time, patience and understanding from you both. Lots of communication. And trust. Heck, exactly the same things ANY good relatoinship needs, as far as I see it.

My fiancee and I work in different countries, and have done for a long time. We've kept it going, and we've gotten stronger. Email, messenger, phonecalls, letters, they all fill in the time between visiting each other. If you trust each other, it can work. We're getting married in September and just knowing we'll finally be together to stay makes all the hard work worth it. And if you've got someone special, it WILL be worth it.

Jus' my opinion...

Posted by melk0r on Jul. 18 2001,03:46

im really truly surprised at the subject matter of the replies. i was expecting a lot of people to say "dump her now" or something along those lines. i guess that was just because i was thinking along those lines, but reading your posts has kinda given me hope, and i do feel better about everything.

thanks.

edit -

i meant to comment on this:

quote:

posted by nikita:
... you say don't miss her when she's gone, and you hang out with your friends a lot. But when you're alone - what's going through your mind?

this brings up a very good point. i realized that i dream about her a lot, (day dream and normal dream) and she is on my mind constantly, and i decided to take this as a good thing.

This message has been edited by melk0r on July 18, 2001 at 10:47 PM

Posted by demonk on Jul. 18 2001,13:24

That is always a good sign. Ask her about this kind of stuff. Communication is a very important part of any relationship.

Posted by Beldurin on Aug. 08 2001,14:28

#include /usr/local/devils_advocate

The most important thing is: "what makes you happy?" If she makes you happy, then do whatever it takes to make it work...and 'work' is the important word.

However, I have made the mistake of staying in relationships because I was too afraid of hurting her, and I've had girls stay in relationships with me because they were in love with being in love. Does that make sense? IMHO, it's common for people (especially young women) to find themselves in that situation. Some people just want "someone," and they'll ignore everything negative and cling to something unhealthy.

You really need to sit down and get on the same page. Everyone is right: communication is the key. Don't hold anything back because you're afraid of hurting/being hurt/sharing too much/etc. That only leads to regrets and ambiguity. Life's too short for that.

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I can imagine a world with no hate, no crime, and no violence. I could also imagine us attacking that world because they'd never expect it.