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"Everyone's favorite implement for any task"
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Veistran

I have no room to park my tanks.

No college person would care about prom because they don't have it. And if he went to college he would say so. He wouldn't call it his school.

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-marcc
< lmao.cjb.net - funny pictures >.

And if he did mention his age then what is it? I know it's somewhere around 17/18.

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"Everyone's favorite implement for any task"
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quote:

---

Originally from the UF interview with Crobar in January 2000:
cr0bar: I am six years old, and I am living in a closet in Mexico ^H^H^H^H^H, actually, I'm a high school senior, studying a variety of things none of which have contributed to the success of my site.

---

He's my age then I guess. 18

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"Everyone's favorite implement for any task"
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Moving on...my impression was that cr0 was a college kid. The claim that he was a high school senior at the time of the UF interview means that by now, he probably is a college kid.

As for the drawing, it doesn't suggest jack IMHO. I know adults who can't draw stick figures to save their lives.

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"Welcome to my Neon Dream."

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using 13375p34k does not make you a hax0r!

__________________
Rat-a-tat-tat, yo.

i agree with whoever said UF is not what it was. It seems to have been sliding of late. I need Penny Arcade to keep me going now :-). Dust Puppy is still my hero though, he sits fondly on top of my monitor like the good little ball of lint that he is. I think i need one of those Evil Genius T-shirts though.........

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"Rainbows? Ah, i hate those friggin' things, they crawl up your leg and start biting the inside of your ass, and you're all like "Hey, stop biting the inside of my ass you stupid rainbow"..."

-Eric Cartman in one of his more thought provoking moments

just let him continue providing us entertainment and we'll think of him as being old enough.

a man's age is a secret too you know. only when you start balding then you cannot say you are still 17.

The problem is you have to scroll for like 5 miles down the page. here it is.

Now on the day I was born, the nurses all gathered round and gazed with wide wonder at the joy they had found. The head nurse spoke up, said: "Hey, live this one alone". She could tell right away that I was bad to the bone.

Monday, bleargh. This means we are all at work, so why not amuse ourselves with something different?

cr0bar: A MAN AND THE MATRIX

Listless and up late, I decided to head on over to EFNet (the rumours about there being monsters there are unfounded) to see if I could find cr0bar and try and plead with him to interview with me for the amusement of UFies everywhere. I was

able to nail (in the pleasant sense of the word and after convincing him that I would rename one of my cats after him) cr0bar for

an interview concerning the roaring success of his (go there and see it

if you haven't already - I insist) href=http://www.luminanet.com/matrix/main.html> bastardization of

the Warner Bros Hit < .

During the interview I was able to delve a bit deeper into the mind of a young

Geek on the red pill.

Iambe: What motivated you to take the time to do this?

cr0bar: Money, power, and girls, what else?

Iambe: What is your opinion of the character Trinity, has she

changed the vinyl garment industry for the better?

cr0bar: Trinity represents the new fad of Macho-Ization of Geek

Women (can I say Macho-Ization on here?) Starting with Leeloo in

The Fifth Element, geek chick heroes have been revolutionizing vinyl

garments and in essence, have raised the bar for vinyl wearers

everywhere.  By the way, if Illiad is reading this:  "You need to

keep up with the times, let's see Miranda in a new outfit post-haste!".

cr0bar: These questions are hard. When do you guys offer me a fat

paycheck?

Iambe: I am broke cr0bar, but here is a ping for your time.

Iambe:I noticed that in one of the frames of your parody, you had Neo

holding the illusive "Finding Morpheus" ORA, how many do you own, and do

you roll around naked at night on top of them?

cr0bar: First of all, let's not confuse "bastardization" with

"parody". Saying something is a parody implies that it contains actual

intellectual substance, or "real humor".

cr0bar: The term "bastardization" is hard to define, but I'm pretty

sure that there is a link to my page when you look it up at Webster's

online.

Iambe: I laughed, then again I am known to be depraved

cr0bar: As for the elusive ORA book, if anyone actually has a copy,

I would be happy to roll around naked on it and autograph it for a few

dollars.

Iambe: In preparing your glorious bastardization of The Matrix, did

thoughts of making Agent Smith a warmfuzzy, cuddly, Captain Kangaroo type

personality ever cross your mind?

cr0bar: The movie is really his story. His hard life

growing up as a Tamagotchi SNES ROM running on a Mac IIsi, and later his

inception as master of The Matrix. The bittersweet story really brings

out the viewer's emotions for his battered soul and makes us all long

for the saccharine days of our youth.

cr0bar: Hmmm, that wasn't quite clever enough......oh well. I've

got the site to my credit.

Iambe: I notice that you had Tank, an amiable character, install NT

SP6 into the jacked-in Neo. Was the motivation for that? Thoughts of

someone running over your puppy? Amnesty International may open a file

on you for that one. Essentially, my question is WHY?

cr0bar: Why service pack six? Well, as you know there are several

vulnerabilities which are "completely theoretical". And, as most of href=http://www.microsoft.com>Microsoft's > code seems to be written

"in theory" (everything works in theory, I want to move there),I figured

it would be a good idea to protect my revised Neo character (Neo-Neo?)

from any vulnerabilities, theoretical or otherwise.

Iambe: Essentially, patch him.

cr0bar: Yes, and as the next panel shows, retro-fit him with the

latest features so he can be stronger, faster, and better than ever. He

can take you anywhere you want to go today.

Iambe: Your version of the Oracle declares Neo a "Flaming Geek".

What exactly, aside from a catalyst and flammable materials, constitutes

a flaming geek?

cr0bar: Flaming was meant to emphasize the extent of Neo's

geekness. There are run-of-the-mill geeks, self-proclaimed geeks,

wannabe geeks, and ubergeeks. But Neo is not just some home-grown

geek...He is "flaming", which perfectly describes his spontaneous,

in-your-face, "I'm all that" attitude which he demonstrates constantly

throughout the film. The Snoop Doggy Dogg of geeks, if you will.

Iambe: Do you prefer Keanu Reeves in the Matrix, or Johnny

Mneumonic,or not on screen at all?

cr0bar: I'm sure Keanu Reeves (Who's name means something like "Wind

over the mountains" in Hawaiian...or so I am told) was a dynamo on-set. But, I have a confession to make at this point, I hope it does not revoke my

geek status. I have not seen Johnny Mneumonic.

Iambe:No worries, you missed nothing but a dolphin and a moron.

Iambe:You are a fulltime student. What are you studying?

cr0bar: This will surprise and amaze some, and be appalling to

others

Iambe: What is that? MCSE?

cr0bar: I am six years old, and I am living in a closet in Mexico

^H^H^H^H^H, actually, I'm a high school senior, studying a variety of

things none of which have contributed to the success of my site.

Iambe: Now for the OBboxen, and OBOS questions...What do you run,

and why do they turn you on?

cr0bar: I'll give you my standard answer:

Iambe: So if it is standard, may I bastardize it for publishing?

cr0bar: I leave that to your judgement.

My first computer was a Packard Bell 8086 running DOS 3.22. It

was also the first machine I over-clocked. By hitting CTRL-ALT +, you

could get the cpu speed from 9MHz to 10.54 (or something). Today I run

a Celeron 300 OC'd to 450, on a (what else) BH-6. I have a GeForce.

PheaR me. Currently the box is running Win2k Pro. However, Win2k pro is

reminding me a lot of Win95a as far as quirkiness, so I will be

down(up?) grading to Win98se.

Iambe: Ever toyed with Linux, FreeBSD?

cr0bar:My personal webserver is a K6-2 300 with 32MB ram, running Mandrake

6.1. The other servers I am privileged enough to have root on include a Cobalt

RaQ. Yes, I have used FreeBSD 3.3, RedHat/Mandrake Linux, and OpenBSD 2.5 on servers at some time.

cr0bar: Phew, was my answer long enough to convince you of my

geekness? I get carried away sometimes.

Iambe: Are you planning on bastardizing any other movies?

cr0bar: The Matrix was my endeavor. A few more regulars in #nerds

and I are planning on doing a few more movies, although that's all I can

say at this time.

Iambe: Tell me about #nerds, who frequents there. Are they stable?

cr0bar: We have eggdrop bots which frequent there every day, they're

extremely stable (I'd like to take this time to plug my shell provider,

Prophet Networks who has been taking a major bandwidth hit since the

site got popular).Other regulars include: (in order of lines spoken)

Skrew, cwiceman, JizzAcus, n0s, Muz. Actually Skrew puts me to shame in

# of lines spoken. What a talker.

Iambe: Any parting comments, or gifts or a good mooning before I

conclude this interview?

cr0bar: In parting I'd like to say that this Matrix site has been a

real rush, and I enjoy hearing people's feedback. Geeks of the world

are welcome to visit us in EFNet #nerds, where they can revel in

Geekdom, donate shells, hardware, and money, to me or just "idle".  I

hope I managed to answer your questions entertainingly, but at the same

time maintained a general level of composure =)

Iambe: First interview? You did great.

cr0bar: Surely, and might I add one thing: the "c" in "cr0bar" is

not capitalized.

Iambe:Tis well after midnight, you must be tired.

cr0bar: Tired? I've barely slept all week (what an outrageous claim

for a geek). You'll need to write me a note for English class tomorrow.

Iambe: Do you think that your English teacher will believe that the

reason that you have not slept was that you were being interviewed by

some Geek Chick columnist from a Website who's star is a furry critter

born of server fuzz?

cr0bar: I think I'd have a better chance explaining the humor of my

site to her than getting her to believe that.

Iambe:The truth is sometimes unrealistic.

Iambe: Thanks for the interview, it was great getting to know you

and the motivations behind your site.

cr0bar: Thanks, I hope to see the "endearing" aspects of it show up.

And thus the colossal interview with cr0bar, the net's newest star, ended

well after midnight.

Interview over, I hopped back into #nerds to say goodnight. Therein I

was given the what appears to be the usual treatment for women joining the channel:

cr0bar>we need to give Iambe the standard treatment for #nerds

cr0bar> HEY BABE, GOT A PIC?

cr0bar> just kidding

Iambe> Yeah man, let me turn on the cam, and get the snake.

Leave your comments, questions or any other general banter about cr0bars work, the importance of parody/bastardization/satire or otherwise into today's TALKBACK. Also, since I want to know, was the Oracle really Zion's mainframe?

Cro, how is graduation going?
I graduate this friday! Are you going to college?

how do you know he hasn't skipped, or flunked, a few grades...?

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People say money isn't everything, but without money, you're a bum.

on the other hand, does he reply your emails still?

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~Anztac - The guy who had the really long sig (formerly Kriegman)

"I am easily driven into a flying rage by blithering idiots"
-cr0bar [The god of this domain]

[This message has been edited by Anztac (edited May 21, 2000).]

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Naw git offa mah Properdy!™

remember HaxoRus

the "c" in "cr0bar" is not capitalized.

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~Anztac - The guy who had the really long sig (formerly Kriegman)

"I am easily driven into a flying rage by blithering idiots"
-cr0bar [The god of this domain]

quote:

---

how do you know he hasn't skipped, or flunked, a few grades...?

---

When evaluating such a question with minimal facts, I eliminated the unlikely.

Me? I'm graduating this year.

See? There was nothing wrong with the grammar in those two sentences.

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Just your generic meaningless signature. Mix with 2 quarts water and stir till evenly coated.

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~Anztac - The guy who had the really long sig (formerly Kriegman)

"I am easily driven into a flying rage by blithering idiots"
-cr0bar [The god of this domain]

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Just your generic meaningless signature. Mix with 2 quarts water and stir till evenly coated.