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Forum: The Classroom Topic: Monkeys started by: Epoxy Posted by Epoxy on May 18 2000,06:26
Monkeys Are Funny------------------ Posted by OpenFly on May 18 2000,06:59
Yeah I was in the Amazon a few weeks ago, the monkeys rocked. And it occurred to me I'd like one as a pet, sadly neither the brazilian government or the US government will allow me to keep one as a pet. Furthermore you're not allowed to eat them in Brasil either. But IF I could have my own pet monkeys I'd get four Black Spider Monkeys and train them to be elite Fighters. I would walk about in a trench coat and when I found a target I'd whip open the trench coat and let my four well armed ninja Monkeys eliminate my foe! Also they would get me beers when I was to drunk to stand. Ahh... to have a monkey. Even better would be a small hatian child. Then you would have someone to talk to as well. Posted by peregrin on May 18 2000,08:11
I Like Monkeys"I like monkeys. The pet store was selling them for five cents a piece. I thought this was odd since they were normally a couple thousand. I decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth so I bought 200 of them. I like monkeys. I took my 200 monkeys home. I have a big car. I let one of them drive. His name was Sigmund. He was retarded. In fact, none of them were really bright. They kept punching themselves in the genitals. I laughed. They punched me in the genitals. I stopped laughing. I herded them into my room. They didn't adapt very well to their new environment. They would screech and hurl themselves off the couch at high speeds and slam into the wall. Although humorous at first, the spectacle lost its novelty halfway into it's third hour. Two hours later I found out why all the monkeys were so inexpensive; they all died. No apparent reason. They all just sort of dropped dead. Kinda like when you buy a goldfish and it dies five hours later. God damn cheap monkeys. I didn't know what to do. There were 200 dead monkeys lying all over my room; on the bed, in the dresser, hanging from my bookcase. It looked like I had 200 throw rugs. I tried to flush one down the toilet. It didn't work. It got stuck. Then I had one dead, wet monkey and one hundred ninety-nine dead, dry monkeys. I tried to pretend that they were just stuffed animals. That worked for awhile, that is until they began to decompose. It started to smell real bad. I had to pee but there was a dead monkey in my toilet and I didn't want to call a plumber. I was embarrassed. I tried to slow down the decomposition by freezing them. Unfortuantely there was only enough room for two at a time, so I had to change them every 30 seconds. I also had to eat all the food in the freezer so it didn't go bad. I tried to burn them, but little did I know that my bed was flammable. I had to extinguish the fire. Then I had one dead, wet monkey in my toilet, two dead, frozen monkeys in my freezer, and one hundred ninety-seven dead, charred monkeys in a pile on my bed. The odor wasn't improving. I became agitated at my inability to dispose of the dead monkeys and I really had to use the bathroom. So I went and severely beat one of the monkeys. I felt better. I tried throwing them away but the garbage man said the city was not allowed to dispose of charred primates. I told him I had a wet one. He couldn't take it either. I didn't bother asking about the frozen ones. I finally arrived at a solution. I gave them out as Christmas gifts. My friends didn't quite know what to say. They pretended to like them, but I could tell they were lying. Ingrates. So I punched them in the genitals. I like monkeys.
Posted by Epoxy on May 18 2000,08:17
YeahBut you could talk to the monkey as well and the child would have less comedy value ------------------ Posted by Epoxy on May 18 2000,08:19
haha, that's genius.------------------ Posted by LordHighCommander on May 18 2000,08:23
LOL
Posted by Epoxy on May 18 2000,08:24
EAT THE MONKEYS!EAT THE MONKEYS! ------------------ Posted by j1mmy on May 18 2000,08:34
"Never Trust a Monkey"by Brak One time I hired a monkey to take notes for me in class. I would just sit there with my mind a complete blank while the monkey scribbled on little pieces of paper. At the end of the week the teacher said, "Class I want you to write a paper using your notes." So I wrote a paper that says, "Hello, my name is Bingo. I like to climb on things. Can I have a banana? Eek eek!" I got an F. When I told my mom about it she said, "I told you: never trust a monkey!" The end. ------------------ Posted by Kolben on May 18 2000,09:04
LOL...Do NOT buy low quality monkeys!!
Posted by Epoxy on May 18 2000,09:14
Is that true?
[This message has been edited by Epoxy (edited May 18, 2000).] Posted by Hellraiser on May 18 2000,09:24
As long as you don't inflict corporal punishment on your monkeys, you should be fine.
Posted by nester on May 18 2000,09:28
monkeys are funny, here this proves it.http://www.tacohell.org/monkey.txt Posted by Wolfguard on May 18 2000,10:07
d00d...you need help.The easy fix to your problem would of been to put them in shoe boxes and sell them on ebay. hey, if you can sell an empty box you can sell a box with a burnt dead monkey. As for the frozen ones use them as ice statues. The wet one? Water ballon fight!
Posted by Hellraiser on May 18 2000,10:42
And you talk about him needing help!
Posted by MadMonk on May 18 2000,11:11
Monkeys are not funny, I happen to be one and I don't appreciate people constantly pointing and laughing at me.......can I pick bugs off your back?
Posted by Ansible on May 18 2000,11:15
I once had a monkey, but then it found my penis pillow and suffocated.
Posted by fusion on May 18 2000,13:57
Monkey hate clean!------------------ Posted by Epoxy on May 18 2000,18:03
Bacofoiland cheese ------------------ Posted by Epoxy on May 19 2000,03:17
BACOFOIL AND A BATTERING RAM------------------ Posted by Epoxy on May 19 2000,04:37
Hula Momo------------------ Posted by Revenant on May 19 2000,15:28
Have a 'Fire' Sale with the burnt ones *g*
Posted by Raven on May 19 2000,18:47
I wonder if the have sex toy monkeys, i was getting them for a friend really!. Do monkeys perform cornbread erotica? (see cornbread forum topic). hmmmmm, so many questions, so little monkeys.YoInk! Posted by Whirlwind on May 20 2000,23:53
"Monkey see, Monkey do" ------------------ Posted by kiddeo on May 22 2000,01:00
has anyone seen the ripoff of hamster dance , renamed as the "monkey dance".if so, could you be so kind as to post the url? Posted by simulacrum on May 22 2000,21:31
I was possessed and forced to commit unspeakable acts after viewing such desecration. Can I have my extra credit points now? Thanks.
Posted by Whirlwind on May 23 2000,05:09
No but I just saw the satanic hamster dance... it was funny... hoo hoo...Hail satan and his minions, ohh, no, the devil ownes my soul for going to that website i'm not surprised if someone actully clames to been taken over by unholy spirits from watching that website, anyone who can give me such a story (real, or made up, how do I know) gets 10 extra credit points, redeambale at your nearest local high school (or any damn school for that matter) ------------------ Posted by peregrin on May 25 2000,14:29
you know when those monkeys on the wizard of oz started flying? they were pretty stupid. i never really understood how that worked. it probably took a long time to get those special effects to work. but not really.
Posted by j1mmy on May 26 2000,10:44
< Instant Monkeys Online >. Thank goodness for totl.net.
Posted by Anthrax on May 27 2000,22:07
simulacrumSpeaking on the behalf of Whirlwind, since he is on a extended leave (being exorscised) Yes, you may have the extra credit points, go to your local kinder garden and ask the head honcho about the extra credit points and (s)he will hook you up, ok? What kind of unspeakable acts? anything naughty involving jerbels? Posted by directhex on Jun. 12 2000,08:01
monkeys rock.--directhex ------------------ Posted by SLATE on Jun. 13 2000,05:56
quote: Get the paddles!!! You do realize that bringing back a dead ass thread gets people mad at you?
modellers needed!!! [This message has been edited by SLATE (edited June 12, 2000).] |