Topic: WHOOPTIE FUCKING DOO
started by: whiskey@throttle
Posted by whiskey@throttle on Jul. 19 2002,06:51
Well, lookie here, fag-o-rinos! It seems our little grab bag of internet friends has once again regrouped for more online posting fun. Well, good for you! A new chapter in interweb history has been wrote upon this very spot. Heave ho! You're still alive!Of course, it’s one thing to make a site, and it’s a whole ‘nother ball game when it comes to maintaining a site. I sure hope you all haven’t lost your fucking senses of humor. A quick scan of this place reminded me of the pulse on my cold, dead grandmother (hint: she’s dead). Where is everyone? Does anyone even post here anymore? Why is there a color scheme that looks like vaginal pus? Hello? Is anyone in here? Heeelllloooo?
Well, I must admit, I’m impressed with the sights of this red "Detonate This" theme. Shee-it, I leave for no more than five minutes and this place has gotten quite a makeover! Most impressive. Still smells of feces though, that’s for sure. Warm, fetid poopy.
Now, I see there has been a lot more mods than before. Everyone wants a whack at the “lock thread” button, I bet. :rolleyes: Ooooh, and there’s a front page! Sad requiem for Rshias. I never knew him. Too bad. Unless, of course, it’s all a hoax. If it is – HA! Props to Jeep. If not…well, I have no pity for suicide anyway. I'm sure Jimbo knows what I mean. Sorry!
Anyway, so what have I been doing? Well, lemme tell ya. Gather round, folks:
For the past 55 weeks I’ve been on a rather extreme meth bender. I’ve been holed up somewhere between Old El Paso and the River City Gorge, and there, my friends, I have been producing high-grade commercial methamphetamine in a space-age polymer tub. I feed on rabbits and gutter squirrel, mostly. Sometimes, if I'm lucky, Mrs. Beasley at the Chuckletown Bakery cuts me scraps from the cupcake tin. I’ve really grown fond of the chocolate burnt taste of day-old shavings. Sometimes, if I'm lucky, Mrs. Beasely will throw out a chicken bone. It kinda sucks cause I have to fight for it with that mangy mutt with the marble eye. I think his master is a Klansman, because its name is Koodles (spelled with a K where there should be a C).
On a lighter note, I'm much more happy with my new choice of profession. Before the whole meth lab thing, I was workin as a technician down at the Country Bear Theater in Disneyland. It didn't work out too well, though. Let's just say I tried to run the show on "overdrive" and the bears got a little…well, “out of control.” I mean, for fuck's sake, why would the goddamn lever go up to 11 if you can't turn it up to 11?? Anyway, some kid's leg got all chewed up real bad and that was that. I guess Disney don't like no tangled limbs on infants. Something about “maintaining the aura of safety to maximize customer generated revenue.” I don’t know. I wasn’t listening.
Still, they didn't fire me without a fight. A friend over in Tommorowland hooked me up with a tad bit of information before I left: seems them "Autopia" cars (now what the fuck does a gas-powered go-kart have to do with "Tomorrow" ??) anyway, them Autopia cars have a nice, ripe governor on the tail end, under a plastic manifold. Being the automotive monkey I am, I knocked that fucker off and ripped the Autopia car right out of its socket. Pedal to the metal and the son of a bitch flew right off the track. It was pure madness. I was weaving and crashing, all the way from the motor den to fucking Toontown. I hit a few kids and got tangled in a wheelchair along the way, but it was still fun.
So, somewhere around Frontierland, the lady in the wheelchair got loose, and went skating into Tom Sawyer lake. What a disaster. I pulled over as she glugged to her watery doom, and as my Autopia racer putted alongside, I found myself poised with a rather potent life choice: do I steal some popcorn? Or just make a fucking break for it?
Well, I broke. Straight up Main Street USA and right through the goddamn front gates. YeeeeeeeeHAW! Disney freedom! Never since Bambi-brand self-enema have I felt so liberated. I was pushin 80, 85mph by the time I got to the freeway. Those fucking Autopia cars can sure haul some serious ass.
3,495 gas stops later, I was in Arizona, crashed into a totem pole outside Mrs. Beasley's and the Chuckletown Bakery. I was out, out cold, delirious from hours upon hours of highway driving in a small, plastic go-kart made in Quong Po, Vietnam. The bugs and wind had cut me up real bad. Lemme tell you, you can only drive top speed in the desert for so long before the gnats and junebugs start breaking skin. Good thing God made whiskey.
Well, after I got knocked out I woke up in an underground trailer park lair some 200 clicks south of Tuscon. Apparently some sewer-dwelling tribe of methheads made a deal with Mrs. Beasley, and they had nursed me back to life with their sewer filth and amphetamine. I asked them what this supposed “deal” was and all they did was hiss at me. They did that a lot. Hissing.
Life was all right in the sewers. Bad news was I couldn't see too well and I felt like shit. Good news was I had developed an immunity to E. Coli and had a preternatural ability to cook speed. After about four months I got my first bathtub for Christmas. It was so nice! I mean, my new family wasn’t exactly poor you know. They sold tweak for Chris’sakes. It was a Kohler, from the “Corporate Elegant” Series. I might as well have gotten some fancy schmancu European car with cruise control and a permanent mouth for in-car simulated road head.
Sweet Jesus tits, it’s been one hell of a summer.
Don’t tell the cops my IP, btw.
Oh, and I heard a joke:
Q: What’s brown and sticky?
A: A stick!
xoxo,
your pal whiskey
ps - fuck you all
Posted by TheTaxMan on Jul. 19 2002,07:06
/me pours himself a glass of milkamphetamines.
Posted by Beldurin on Jul. 19 2002,07:25
what in the fuck was that?
Posted by demonk on Jul. 19 2002,07:40
Drive-by trolling! 
Posted by PersonGuy on Jul. 19 2002,11:57
Ahhh... so THAT'S what was missing! Pay attention folks: THAT = old skool detnet humor. Welcome back wiskey! 
Your first post in a year and the best post in a year... we missed ya!
Posted by jim on Jul. 19 2002,12:53
Welcome back Whiskey... Fuck You too! 
What scares me is that probably 50% of his story is true...
Posted by Necromancer on Jul. 19 2002,15:51
the bit about the munched up kid was funny i hope its true.
Posted by incubus on Jul. 19 2002,16:20
amen to that whiskey...
Posted by CatKnight on Jul. 19 2002,17:44
Posted by whiskey@throttle on Jul. 19 2002,19:51
heh. i missed you too, gang.(ck, that cracked my ass)
so where the hell is dsl?
Posted by Wolfguard on Jul. 19 2002,20:28
and a fine felt fuck you to you to buddy!Welcome back!
Posted by kuru on Jul. 19 2002,20:57
I'm gonna do something I haven't done in ages.*kuru humps whiskey's leg.
Posted by Rhydant on Jul. 19 2002,21:02
its nice to know you havent forgotten us
Posted by a2n3d7y on Jul. 19 2002,23:01
GO!GO!
GO!
GO!
GO!
GO!
GO!
GO!
GO!
GO!
GO!
GO!
GO!
GO!
GO!
GO!
GO!GO!GO!
I love you now whiskey@throttle.
Hey..do me a fav and check back tonite. Im at work now so not much time for postin....but i should be hookin' up a 20 of c r a n k tonite. (don't tell DSL he hates it whne i take that shiznat.) Shit...i should be up all night insulting detnet members.....
Hope to see you then!
edit: btw..you might GET IT! Check out this track i made. Should be posted on detnets front page forever in the "bastardizations" but noooooooooooooooooooo...ppl had to be fucking pussies about it.
< to fap or not to fap > <-------- LINK
EDIT: AGAIN: (see ppl, no reason to post another full on post...just edit the shit and add onto it....watch and learn...
IMHO
IMHO
IMHO
IMHO
DetNet is going down the tubes because the OWNER of the site is too worried about what his conservative-right-wing-PARENTS have to say about it... so he is being a complete wuss about everything. That simple.
I.E. his latest avatar sig is, "fear me, I am change". Mabey im just reading into it too much....but it bothers me.
I hope I don't get BOOTED for this post.
Posted by Necromancer on Jul. 19 2002,23:23
no the power button is used to BOOT
Posted by Rhydant on Jul. 20 2002,00:14
andy, youre a fucking idiot.kill yourself.
Posted by a2n3d7y on Jul. 20 2002,02:07
rHYDANT.............."And when people tell me what is OK and what is not, it should not be unexpected see, I extend my middle right hand digit and say "Hey, would you like a lemon or lime with that piece of advice, Mister?" " <-------EDIT:ADDED END QUOTE
lolololol
i CAN'T WAIT TO GET HOME FROM WORK AND flame ALL NIGHT!
2nd edit:
rhydant. You are fired. Do you even realise that 2 detnet members in the last 2 months actually DID KILL THEMSELVES! YOU ought to ba ashamed of your-self.
HISSSSS HISSSSSS HISSSSSSSS
you look like Fred Savage.
btw.....tike......Im like 9 years ahead of you little bitch. Instead of just saying stupid-evil shit...try sayin' somthing clever...
Posted by a2n3d7y on Jul. 20 2002,03:50
rhydant:I am not done with you yet. I am calling you out. YOU WIN! YOU have pissed me off more than any other detnet member.
Please defend yourself....
Posted by Beldurin on Jul. 20 2002,06:44
hehe...his avatar is Beaker
Posted by Rhydant on Jul. 20 2002,06:45
9 years ahead of me in age, maybe, but surely not intelect.you are possibly the stupidest person ive ever come across. you dont even know what the HELL youre talking about half the time.
as for the signature, its part of a song.
seriously, why are you here?
Posted by Darth Liberus on Jul. 20 2002,07:28
you spelled "intellect" wrong.
Posted by Bozeman on Jul. 20 2002,15:46
The return of whiskey, and a flamewar! This IS classic Detnet!
Posted by Rhydant on Jul. 21 2002,18:01
| Quote (Darth Liberus @ 19 July 2002,15:28) |
| you spelled "intellect" wrong. |
fuck you and your goddamn correct spelling.
Posted by Anztac on Jul. 21 2002,22:06
Tee hee hee!
Posted by forumwhore on Jul. 21 2002,23:01
I'm sorry but I just woke up; there was this thing this am.I have news for you.
My forums are rockin; and I have no apologies.
I am even happy with my enemies; I deserve them and more.
I am delighted with my front page and the contributors who are the biggest in their fields.
dis joint be jumpin'.
signed, kbreak
Posted by forumwhore on Jul. 21 2002,23:07
Enjoy your speed till it wears off, k?Don't forget, lots a fluids.
And stay away.
Fuck you and yours.
Thankyou.
Posted by a2n3d7y on Jul. 22 2002,11:38
Didn't get the goods till bout 7
0pm Sunday. It's all good tho.....I'm not a full-on-tweek...just like a binge now and then. 
| Quote |
| you are possibly the stupidest person ive ever come across. you dont even know what the HELL youre talking about half the time. |
C'mon Kid. Prove to me and everyone here I "don't know what" I'm talking about. That's not an interesting flame at all. It made me laugh till I cried....but I was laughing AT you not WITH. Poor Kid, your probably not even laughing at all...
Posted by damien_s_lucifer on Jul. 22 2002,12:36
whiskey remembers me! yay! welcome back!I usually post as Darth Liberus now, I like that name better
Rhydant, don't take andy too seriously... his little sister is all grown up now and doesn't put up with his shit anymore, so he's always on the lookout for a new victim
Posted by ^Oni^ on Jul. 22 2002,13:44
Posting a clip of yourself wanking to music doesn't mean you don't know anything.All it means is that you have some sort of crippled social skills and need to go outside more.
Posted by a2n3d7y on Jul. 23 2002,00:06
| Quote |
| wanking to music |
Oni, um NO.
My wanking WAS/IS the music.....give it another listen...[DR.EVIL]you just DON'T GET IT do you[/DR.EVIL].....
Posted by Necromancer on Jul. 23 2002,00:26
its inspired indeed. shut it oni until you've actually listened to it you can't have an opinion on it. for it is truely something unique.
Posted by ^Oni^ on Jul. 23 2002,03:07
I downloaded both clips at work the day it was posted. Sorry if my brain is pulling some Freudian fugue to block the horror of a guy jerking off at a minidisc recorder.
Posted by Necromancer on Jul. 23 2002,15:31
correction a guy having his bint jerk him off at a minidisc recorder.
Posted by ^Oni^ on Jul. 23 2002,16:39
Hehe... regardless, I didn't need to hear that... I do think that gives us all clues as to who is into phone sex and who isn't...
Posted by CNCJake on Jul. 24 2002,07:37
what a bunch of bullshit