Topic: Anztac
started by: DELUDED_BIPED
Posted by DELUDED_BIPED on Mar. 31 2002,18:10
You are absolutely correct about whatever comes out is a facet of ones existing personality. That part of me really doesn't get out to play much, mainly cuz he is a dick. I have several views on life. One goes something like this "People are like sodas. If you want to see what they are made of shake them up and see what comes out." I have many different aspects to me and being a dick is one of them. However it isn't the best part, or is it a main part. Anyone that is one way ALL the time is hiding something.
Posted by Anztac on Apr. 01 2002,01:32
I hide some of my personality traits. I'm not particuarly ashamed of that. I don't get angry at people, only at myself, so most of the time I'm depressed, but I try and avoid acting mopey and sad. Sometimes I just feel racuious (sp?) and just feel like being loud and fun, which is cool. Most of the time though I'm quiet and smiling and listening to everyone else talk. I love listening to people talk. I've been described by a few people as "the life of the party", but I never say too much, and I rarely do anything attention grabbing, it's odd.People rule. I don't know, but I'm really interested in people and nature...
Oh yeah, and I see through peoples bullshit quite easily, but I still let myself be used... dunno why.
Anyways, dunno where this is going, but hey, maybe this will add some character to a name.
Posted by DELUDED_BIPED on Apr. 01 2002,03:12
| Quote (Anztac @ 31 Mar. 2002,19:32) |
| I hide some of my personality traits. I'm not particuarly ashamed of that. I don't get angry at people, only at myself, so most of the time I'm depressed, but I try and avoid acting mopey and sad. Sometimes I just feel racuious (sp?) and just feel like being loud and fun, which is cool. Most of the time though I'm quiet and smiling and listening to everyone else talk. I love listening to people talk. I've been described by a few people as "the life of the party", but I never say too much, and I rarely do anything attention grabbing, it's odd. People rule. I don't know, but I'm really interested in people and nature... Oh yeah, and I see through peoples bullshit quite easily, but I still let myself be used... dunno why. Anyways, dunno where this is going, but hey, maybe this will add some character to a name. |
Sad and mopey. Sometimes it is hard to hide your feelings especially from people that know you well. NOt many people do, but the few that are unfortunate enough know me that well often times find themselves left wondering why I do the things I do.
I am about 600 miles away from home and I find myself just sitting back, watching conversation around me. Mainly because I can't figure these northerners out
I don't know maybe its just the fact that I spent alot of years building on friendships that I am too tired to make new ones now that I have left the old ones. Things really haven't been the same since me and Jess broke up either. We shared mutual friends and she just left them high and dry to persue new "cooler" friends.
I am rambling....and giving entirely too much information.
People are complex, creative and some are beautiful without trying, these are the ones I hold high. One of my philosophies on life...
The human animal is the most creative creatures on the planet. No other being is so creative that they find ways to destroy themselves as to leave no evidence of them ever existing.
That and "Trust no one." wait...I think that was the x-files
Posted by Anztac on Apr. 01 2002,04:58
I have noone that understands me well enough to see what I'm actually feeling, but around some people I just don't hold it in. My ex for example. Seeing her, seeing her with someone else, seeing them mistreating her just makes me feel like shit, I don't bother hiding that most the time. Not that she pays attention.Sorry to hear about your remoteness man, you get connection with where you were raised, it's energy or something...
I agree, some people are just so beautiful without trying, I don't know, sometimes I think about it as innocence, but it's not that, it's something else. Maybe it's just that they care, or they see beauty where others don't, but I know a girl like that... I used to not be able to sleep thinking about her... Don't know if she even thinks about me, but I don't care. Part of me wishes she was with me, most of me wants her to be happy any way she can.
I don't care about giving out information about myself, I just... rarely do it.
Posted by DELUDED_BIPED on Apr. 01 2002,05:28
| Quote (Anztac @ 31 Mar. 2002,22:58) |
| I have noone that understands me well enough to see what I'm actually feeling, but around some people I just don't hold it in. My ex for example. Seeing her, seeing her with someone else, seeing them mistreating her just makes me feel like shit, I don't bother hiding that most the time. Not that she pays attention. Sorry to hear about your remoteness man, you get connection with where you were raised, it's energy or something... I agree, some people are just so beautiful without trying, I don't know, sometimes I think about it as innocence, but it's not that, it's something else. Maybe it's just that they care, or they see beauty where others don't, but I know a girl like that... I used to not be able to sleep thinking about her... Don't know if she even thinks about me, but I don't care. Part of me wishes she was with me, most of me wants her to be happy any way she can. I don't care about giving out information about myself, I just... rarely do it. |
Man, let me tell ya, if I could go back with "the one" that I love still to this day, I'd just be her friend. We were fantastic friends and I would trade falling asleep beside her just to still be able to talk to her. So I know all about loss, fuck who doesn't. I found that it helps if you find a good, trustable someone that spends so much time around you they learn your body language. Just a friend that knows when you are feeling messed up and strung out from reality overload. The words "You ok man?" can have a healing affect that is irreplaceable.
About the whole away from home thing, it just seems to me that inevitably you have to leave eventually. Thing is I have left 4 times, for some reason this one is just harder than others. I'll live, always do.
Oh, and dude...she thinks about you. You can't have feelings that strong for someone and them not think about you. Well at least that is my experience. I don't know if she thinks about you in the way you want her to, but she does think. People are mostly the same when it comes to feeling like that, it is a common bond that we share so that we can live on somewhat the same plain of existance. Thing you gotta figure out is...if you do get her and it goes bad...is it worth the loss of her company.
Gawd...its 11:30, got digital circuits test tomorrow, must sleep. Later.
Posted by Anztac on Apr. 01 2002,06:17
The words "You ok man?" can have a healing affect that is irreplaceable. Geesh, I know. Rarity though, unless I exemplify it, but even then, it's nice...
Glad you can cope with being away... hell, I get disoriented when I stay at a friends house for a week, not bad though, just, not home. I really like the idea of a 3 or 4 month "vacation" somewhere
Oh, and dude...she thinks about you. You can't have feelings that strong for someone and them not think about you. Well at least that is my experience.
God I hope so
I woudn't risk anything, I just hope she'll notice me... maybe I'd try if a really obvious way presented itself, but she's the kind of friend that that really wouldn't effect our friendship, not much anyways. At least from what I know of her...
Anyways, doesn't matter, she has a boyfriend and they've been going rock steady for about 3 years... my "crush" on her is about 4-5 years old
that's... maybe pathetic... I dunno. So anyways I try to just be a good friend, and I help them make amends with eachother, 'cause I know it would destroy both of them if they ever broke up Anyways...
By the way, other people are allowed to jump in here at any time
Posted by kbreak on Apr. 01 2002,06:25
kUm, Mr Ped, you don't have to quote on these forums. Only admin can delete all that shit, and we rarely do.
Just our own rancid ramblings.
Posted by DELUDED_BIPED on Apr. 01 2002,19:11
Thanks for the little bit of advice Break, but if I don't then I have to keep jumping back to remember what was said. A photographic memory I have not. So it is easier just to scroll down the little quote thingy.OH, Anztac...you could, "take him out" no I know that wouldn't work but the thought has crossed my mind before when in the same situation.
Anything worth having is worth waiting for...but don't wait too long cuz it would suck if you waited and missed someone even COOLER than her
Keep your head up...(how many cliches(sp?) can I throw in here?)
Women respond to confidence, what ever you do don't let her know you are down about it. Like you need my advice, but you are gettin it anyway.
Anyone ever read the Mars&Venus books? My ex made me...I thought they were kinda tarded, but hey every little bit of knowledge helps.
Posted by Anztac on Apr. 02 2002,01:47
I get lot's of "He's a really good friend" stuff. Guys walking up to girls "You and Anztac going out?" "No, we're just good friends" Me: oh... I wouldn't touch her guy, she's happy with him.
Confidence.. confidence.. hrm... wait, I would have that if I didn't hate my self with more rage then should be possible... If I didn't blame myself for everything... contemplate suicide... hrm... Hey, I'm not going to be dishonest about myself. I want to be with someone, but I would never want to be with me if I was someone else. Having a girlfriend for a while started to make me actually believe maybe I was worth something... I mean, it's hard to think so badly about yourself when you can just say "hey, but she sees something in me..." Then she broke up with me, 'cause she "loves the fuck." K... I wasn't quite ready at that point...
Heh, unneccisary details.
Posted by DELUDED_BIPED on Apr. 02 2002,04:10
dude you need to get those kind of ideas out of your head! You are obviously ten fold better than alot of guys out there just because of your respect for life in general. if you were to go and do some tarded shit like off yourself there would be one less of us and we just can't have that, bro. we are looking for quality here not quantity!
Posted by DELUDED_BIPED on Apr. 02 2002,04:11
155248068ICQ number, in case you just want to talk sometime.
Posted by Dysorderia on Apr. 02 2002,04:34
| Quote (Anztac @ 01 April 2002,19:47) |
| I get lot's of "He's a really good friend" stuff. Guys walking up to girls "You and Anztac going out?" "No, we're just good friends" Me: oh... I wouldn't touch her guy, she's happy with him. Confidence.. confidence.. hrm... wait, I would have that if I didn't hate my self with more rage then should be possible... If I didn't blame myself for everything... contemplate suicide... hrm... Hey, I'm not going to be dishonest about myself. I want to be with someone, but I would never want to be with me if I was someone else. Having a girlfriend for a while started to make me actually believe maybe I was worth something... I mean, it's hard to think so badly about yourself when you can just say "hey, but she sees something in me..." Then she broke up with me, 'cause she "loves the fuck." K... I wasn't quite ready at that point... Heh, unneccisary details. |
Welcome to the friend zone (cue the cheesy twilight zone-type music)