Topic: Tell a Story....
started by: Knthrak
Posted by Knthrak on Jan. 16 2002,13:28
I started this thread at another forum a while back, and it was a really big hit! So to start us off, I guess I'll start posting something and you guys continue it, any bizarre or awkward way you want 
."One day, Mr. T was walking down the boardwalk, when all of a sudden, he saw a man trying to steal a woman's purse. He said 'Ah foo, I don't believe you are trying to rob this woman of her belongings, I believe I gotta get physical on ya!' Before taking a punch from Mr. T, the man had said....
Keep this thread alive, and I guarantee an awesome and hilarious story. Everyone, pitch in, and continue the story!
Posted by Jimi on Jan. 16 2002,13:39
"Hey man, aren't you that dude from Home And Away", to which Mr T replied "Foo! everyone knows i'm from..."
Posted by Knthrak on Jan. 16 2002,13:51
"...Shake that ass! Watch yourself! Shake that ass! Show me what you work with!" All of a sudden, everyone started dancing, something similar to the funky chicken. But right when Mr. T was about to bust some more rhymes, something lit up the sky, and fell down to the beach. Mr. T had said "Damn! That's one messed up lookin..."
Posted by Spydir on Jan. 16 2002,20:01
sniker doodle". Out of the snikerdoodle drived a giant penis shaped car, and the Ambiguously Gay Duo jumped out! Patting Ambiguously Gay Greg on the bum, Ambiguously Gay Mike congradulated Ambiguously Gay Greg for his excelent...
Posted by DeadAnztac on Jan. 16 2002,22:01
Excellent driving skills. He had narowly missed "impaling" several girls on the front of their PenisMobile, which they wanted to avoid because...
Posted by editor on Jan. 17 2002,03:30
they had been looking for body-builder guys to impale instead! Suddenly, from around the corner, came a....
Posted by Knthrak on Jan. 17 2002,04:38
A giant pair of lips appeared, seeming to jump up and down, making a noise similar to "Eky-ecky-ecky-pitang!" But the duo realized it was a scam, and ripped the costume off, revealing their pal...
Posted by richard on Jan. 17 2002,05:11
...Barry Boswick, with a can of Diet Pepsi! But you see, it wasn't really Barry Boswick, it was...
Posted by Hex on Jan. 17 2002,05:12
Bill Clinton, who had a morbid desire to use premium cuban cigars to....
Posted by TonyDennis on Jan. 17 2002,06:07
... take over the world! By utilizing a combination of the premium cuban cigars, a cheese grater and a styrofoam cup, he was able to...
Posted by Non on Jan. 17 2002,07:59
...create a massive gravity well, which inturn compressed the entire known universe into nothingness...
Posted by DeadAnztac on Jan. 17 2002,11:01
...which was actually quite useless for world domination except when he had to...
Posted by Jimi on Jan. 17 2002,11:58
Clean the cheedle off his fingers, which he saved up in a piggy bank and when the time was right he and Mr T. got the cheedle filled piggy bank and...
Posted by TheTaxMan on Jan. 17 2002,15:29
stared in awe as a massive space craft came into view and blinked out of existance just as quickly. They agreed that the Improbability Drive must be malfunctioning again as they noticed a whale falling from above. In one swift motion...
Posted by 1LT on Jan. 17 2002,16:30
it seemed that the whale was obliterated by a disgruntled Greenpeace volunteer who had grown tired of smelling her bretheren. "I have more ICBMs, dammit" Juanita whispered. Where she bought her toys could not be determined by CENCOM for too many company level officers had tied up the network downloading music. "When they get back from the field, they'll not have computers until all hard drives have NT reinstalled and all file-sharing programs are removed" chortled CNN. The telephone rang. "Down with Wolfe Blitzer" said...
Posted by ic0n0 on Jan. 17 2002,18:18
Dan rather. Dan Rather then told his mother to kick Mr.T in the…
Posted by richard on Jan. 17 2002,19:17
...upper thigh, which of course caused no damage at all. Then Mr. T grabbed Rather's mom, bent her in half, and threw her one-handed...straight into...
Posted by ic0n0 on Jan. 17 2002,19:49
Bill Clintions arms. Bill then offered her a ciger. She then took the ciger and...
Posted by whiskey@throttle on Jan. 17 2002,20:11
...lit it, proceeding to take a puff. But is was a trick cigar, and it exploded, and blew her fucking brains out all over the wall...
Posted by Spydir on Jan. 17 2002,20:25
, which had a murel of the South Park cast on it. The painting of Stan sudden said "Oh my god, you killed Dan Rather's mom!" and kyle simply laughed. Cartmen then procedded to jump out of the painting, and started dry humping the leg of...
Posted by TheTaxMan on Jan. 17 2002,21:45
Trillian. Apparently, she was stranded here on Earth. Frodo Baggins and Samwise Gamgee then rolled across the screen in a comical cartoon-like cloud of dust. They must have meddled in the affairs of...
Posted by Knthrak on Jan. 18 2002,01:23
Michael Jackson! They found themselves at the filming of the "Thriller" music video. They must have gone back in time to stop Michael from turning into a white-looking-human-thing. Right before the filming was complete, Frodo screamed to Michael..."
Posted by DeadAnztac on Jan. 18 2002,01:39
Art thou a fiend? A wretch? A GHOST!? You have the skin such as a paling moon and the nose similar to a glistening hobbit vagina!" and every gasped proclaiming...
Posted by Spydir on Jan. 18 2002,02:38
HE'S NOT WHITE YET!", and out of a cloud of white smoke came a vampire that looked oddly like Eddie Murphy out of A Vampire in Brooklyn. Eddie-pire then floated towards Frodo and turned him into his ghoul. Frodo then proceed to suck Eddie-pire's penis, and the pre-white michael was quite jealous, and looked at Mr. T with flirty eyes. Mr. T proceeded to...
Posted by Jimi on Jan. 18 2002,02:46
Open a can 'o' whoop-ass on Micheal but unfortunatly can only find a can 'o' beans, he shrugged then went ahead with the...
Posted by caseman984 on Jan. 18 2002,03:31
can opening. He reached in his pocket and pulled out a can of spinich."Oh well," he said "I guess this will work."
Mr.T squeezed the can and as a rush of green leaves entered his mouth...
Posted by ic0n0 on Jan. 18 2002,03:52
Only it wasn’t spinach but marijuana. And they proceeded to have a gay old time. Then Osama Bin Ladin came and gave mr.T a..
Posted by CatKnight on Jan. 18 2002,05:14
...big slap on the ass. Then Mr. T shouted "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOIN FOO?" and started to punch OBL. Unfortunately the marijuana started to take effect. Instead...
Posted by Hex on Jan. 18 2002,05:38
...a group of BSD daemons appeared and started doing the mambo.Then Mr T. joined in and...
Posted by Knthrak on Jan. 18 2002,11:49
pulled in John Travolta from Saturday Night Fever and started to have a "Disco Inferno". But before everyone could join Mr. T....
Posted by Spydir on Jan. 18 2002,16:10
took a shit on the floor.
Posted by TheTaxMan on Jan. 18 2002,16:26
Everyone stopped what they were doing immediately. Out of nowhere, Barry Boswick slipped back into his Hally Berry costume and ran off into the sunset grasping...
Posted by Hex on Jan. 18 2002,18:42
..Bill Clinton's premium cuban cigar.Bill ran after him shouting....
Posted by Knthrak on Jan. 18 2002,19:22
"...I want chicken I want liver, meow mix meow mix please deliver!" but then...
Posted by Nikita on Jan. 18 2002,19:31
... a tripping Mini-me appears out of nowhere, jumps on Bill's face and delivers ...
Posted by ic0n0 on Jan. 18 2002,21:12
Fresh load of fish and then
Posted by Spydir on Jan. 18 2002,22:57
mike tyson walks in hold a HS deploma, and screams "HEY GUYS! Let's stop all this fighting, and have some peas. I mean peace." Just then 5 ATF officers bust in the door, arrest tyson, and leave a note from the Ambigiously Gay Duo which reads...
Posted by whiskey@throttle on Jan. 19 2002,01:10
"Isn't it amazing how this story has no continuity whatsoever?" "Yup," he replied. Then he ate the note.
Then the world blew up and everyone died.
Posted by Jimi on Jan. 19 2002,01:30
...Everyone except Mr T. and Micheal Knight who were fine because Mr T. is really hard and Micheal Knight was sat in Kitt at the time, they set out on a perrilous quest to find more living...
Posted by Pickle Therapy Lady on Jan. 19 2002,04:14
...anal rape victims. Unfortunately, all they managed to find were clones of...
Posted by CatKnight on Jan. 19 2002,04:29
richard, none of which had penises. in a desparate attempt to...
Posted by Hex on Jan. 19 2002,04:33
...dance like a drunk.Suddenly, from out of nowhere, .....
Posted by Spydir on Jan. 19 2002,04:34
i eat babies!
Posted by Hex on Jan. 19 2002,04:47
...shouted richard, which resulted in the others slowly backing away from him and running in the other direction towards.....
Posted by richard on Jan. 19 2002,05:02
...Mr. T, who stripped off his pants and began to jerk it as hard as he could to deal with his mounting Post-1-800-CALL-ATT ad stress syndrome until he shot Travolta a few gallons of his filthy man splooge, which...
Posted by Pickle Therapy Lady on Jan. 19 2002,05:06
due to the catastrophically ending world, had mutated his man-juice into flesh melting acid, immediately melting Travolta's face off and rendering him...
Posted by DeadAnztac on Jan. 19 2002,05:12
...Confused? ...
Posted by richard on Jan. 19 2002,05:20
A headless zombie, who attacked and had repeated gaynal activity with CatKnight, who bent over and took it for calling me dickless! But suddenly, Mr. T. pulled his trousers back up and...
Posted by Pickle Therapy Lady on Jan. 19 2002,05:30
decided to forgoe his violent ways and skip to the ice cream shop like a little girl, where he found....
Posted by Hex on Jan. 19 2002,09:17
...Halle Berry drinking a pepsi twist along with...
Posted by Spydir on Jan. 19 2002,17:33
a uumpa loompa
Posted by Nikita on Jan. 19 2002,18:15
... with his face buried between her ...
Posted by CatKnight on Jan. 19 2002,20:19
...two cups of coffee on the counter. but it wasn't actually coffee, it was...
Posted by Non on Jan. 19 2002,23:10
...it was Starbuck's new $8.00/cup mutated flesh-melting man-juice mocha-chino blend...
Posted by Knthrak on Jan. 19 2002,23:57
"Mmmm, this is the shiznit!" But he wasn't talking about the coffee, he was really talking about...
Posted by Hex on Jan. 20 2002,02:39
..one of Bill Clinton's cigars that he had swiped while Bill wasn't looking.Bill walked up and asked....
Posted by Jimi on Jan. 20 2002,03:20
..."hey there everyone, don't you think it's weird that the world has been wiped out yet i'm still alive and new characters are still being found, isn't that..."
Posted by Non on Jan. 20 2002,04:17
...just as they all started to ponder that Bill pulled out his massive gravity well machine, which he invented in a previous post (10th) using cuban cigars, a cheese grater, and a styrofoam cup, screamed "they'll never take me alive" and detonated it. It inturn compressed the entire known universe into a bowl of petunias...
Posted by Knthrak on Jan. 20 2002,04:50
...whilst a voice in the distance whispered "deja vu"...
Posted by ic0n0 on Jan. 20 2002,04:52
and then the president woke up from fainting and realized he needs to watch when eating.
Posted by Knthrak on Jan. 20 2002,05:00
Whilst in a parallel dimension, Bill Clinton was a dancer for a Ricky Martin video. Before contemplating the sheer oddity of this reality, O.J. Simpson pulled out his...
Posted by Non on Jan. 20 2002,05:15
... bull horn and yelled into the night sky "Is there no way to end this torturous existence?" and in the distance he heard a mime scream out...
Posted by Spydir on Jan. 20 2002,05:16
knife(I decided I'm just adding small contrabutions now, fuck big ass long lines, I'm to lazy)
Posted by Knthrak on Jan. 20 2002,05:35
Then we hear the Snacktreat Boys sing their famous "I Want a Fat Babe". Then we see our most famous fat actress...
Posted by CatKnight on Jan. 20 2002,08:06
john rhys davies!
Posted by Non on Jan. 20 2002,08:19
... and then...
Posted by incubus on Jan. 20 2002,15:00
someone came in his pants. Sadly for all concerned it was ...
Posted by askheaves on Jan. 20 2002,17:01
me... "My bad," yelled me as I ended existance for the 4th time.
Posted by Jimi on Jan. 20 2002,19:55
At this point Jimi came along and attempted to find yet another way to save the story./me says wow wouldn't it be cool if all the characters except askheaves were to be living on mortoxins, the planet to the east that CANNOT be destroyed using any methods!!!
They all moved there and discussed there new living ways. Mr T. said...
Posted by theafro on Jan. 20 2002,20:49
"no time fo tha jibba jabba" but his jibba jabba disagrees and...
Posted by Knthrak on Jan. 21 2002,00:11
Captain Kirk steps in. "This is the Captain of the Enterprise. Our respect for other lifeforms requires that we give you this... warning. There is one critical item of information that has never been incorporated into the memory banks of any Earth ship. Since the early years of space exploration, Earth vessels have had incorporated into them a substance known as... corbomite. It is a material and a device which prevents attack on us. If any destructive energy touches our vessel, a reverse reaction of equal strength is created, destroying---the attacker. It may interest you to know that since the initial use of corbomite more than two of our centuries ago, no attacking vessel has survived the attempt. Death has... little meaning to us. If it has none to you then attack us now. We grow annoyed at your foolishness."...
Posted by sHuoReNviOLiN on Jan. 21 2002,01:09
"That is irrelevant. Resistance is futile." said the Borg. And with that, a massive ray of energy vaporized the Starship Enterprise ™, © Paramount 1960-something, all rights reserved. Captain Kirk had time for only one last thought:
Posted by Non on Jan. 21 2002,01:20
..."is that a tribble in my pocket?" was that last thing to go through his mind beore he was vaporized...
Posted by DeadAnztac on Jan. 21 2002,01:22
'poop.' And then the universe ended for some dumb reason.
Posted by sHuoReNviOLiN on Jan. 21 2002,01:43
...leaving only the aforementioned tribble to hop in a time machine and go back in time to...
Posted by Spydir on Jan. 21 2002,01:49
15 seconds before this thread was started, to crash Kntrak's computer just before he hit "post new topic", and to render it inoperatible by means of placing the srig's virus executor on it.Hense the end of this story. Just like the Neverending Story, it ended. Eat a peice of that chocolate cake, bitch.
Posted by Nikita on Jan. 21 2002,02:47
That, however, is another story and shall be told another time. In the meantime ...
Posted by Jimi on Jan. 21 2002,03:05
... the dead characters of this story sat around a non-existant camp fire discussing why the detnet boards were so keen to kill them of and end the thread, they came to the conclusion that...
Posted by sHuoReNviOLiN on Jan. 21 2002,03:24
...the answer to life, the universe, and everything was 42. Or was it a potato?
Posted by Spydir on Jan. 21 2002,04:50
JUPITER!!!
Posted by CatKnight on Jan. 21 2002,05:01
m shouted spyder, in a desperate attempt to breathe new life into the worst story ever. again, he proves that not only is he proof that humans suck, but
Posted by DeadAnztac on Jan. 21 2002,05:08
So do cats that pose as knights
Posted by Non on Jan. 21 2002,11:49
Though the universe was destroyed many times there still existed a small obscure world somewhere in the middle of nowhere in particular --- nowhere, that is, that could ever be found, since it is protected by a vast field of unprobability to which only six men in this galaxy have a key --- it was raining. It was bucketing down, and had been for hours. It beat the top of the sea into a mist, it pounded the trees, it churned and slopped a stretch of scrubby land near the sea into a mudbath.
The rain pelted and danced on the corrugated iron roof of the small shack that stood in the middle of this patch of scrubby land. It obliterated the small rough pathway that led from the shack down to the seashore and smashed apart the neat piles of interesting shells which had been placed there.
The noise of the rain on the roof of the shack was deafening within, but went largely unnoticed by its occupant, whose attention was otherwise engaged.
He was a tall shambling man with rough straw-coloured hair that was damp from the leaking roof. His clothes were shabby, his back was hunched, and his eyes, though open, seemed closed.
In his shack was an old beaten-up armchair, an old scratched table, an old mattress, some cushions and a stove that was small but warm.
There was also an old and slightly weatherbeaten cat, and this was currently the focus of the man's attention. He bent his shambling form over it.
``Pussy, pussy, pussy,'' he said, ``coochicoochicoochicoo ... pussy want his fish? Nice piece of fish ... pussy want it?''
The cat seemed undecided on the matter. It pawed rather condescendingly at the piece of fish the man was holding out, and then got distracted by a piece of dust on the floor.
``Pussy not eat his fish, pussy get thin and waste away, I think,'' said the man. Doubt crept into his voice.
``I imagine this is what will happen,'' he said, ``but how can I tell?''
He proffered the fish again.
``Pussy think,'' he said, ``eat fish or not eat fish. I think it is better if I don't get involved.'' He sighed.
``I think fish is nice, but then I think that rain is wet, so who am I to judge?''
He left the fish on the floor for the cat, and retired to his seat.
``Ah, I seem to see you eating it,'' he said at last, as the cat exhausted the entertainment possibilities of the speck of dust and pounced on to the fish.
``I like it when I see you eat the fish,'' said the man, ``because in my mind you will waste away if you don't.''
He picked up from the table a piece of paper and the stub of a pencil. He held one in one hand and the other in the other, and experimented with the different ways of bringing them together. He tried holding the pencil under the paper, then over the paper, then next to the paper. He tried wrapping the paper round the pencil, he tried rubbing the stubby end of the pencil against the paper and then he tried rubbing the sharp end of the pencil against the paper. It made a mark, and he was delighted with the discovery, as he was every day. He picked up another piece of paper from the table. This had a crossword on it. He studied it briefly and filled in a couple of clues before losing interest.
He tried sitting on one of his hands and was intrigued by the feel of the bones of his hip.
``Fish come from far away,'' he said, ``or so I'm told. Or so I imagine I'm told. When the men come, or when in my mind the men come in their six black ships, do they come in your mind too? What do you see pussy?''
He looked at the cat, which was more concerned with getting the fish down as rapidly as possible than it was with these speculations.
``And when I hear their questions, do you hear questions? What do their voices mean to you? Perhaps you just think they're singing songs to you.'' He reflected on this, and saw the flaw in the supposition.
``Perhaps they are singing songs to you,'' he said, ``and I just think they're asking me questions.''
He paused again. Sometimes he would pause for days, just to see what it was like.
``Do you think they came today?'' he said, ``I do. There's mud on the floor, cigarettes and whisky on the table, fish on a plate for you and a memory of them in my mind. Hardly conclusive evidence I know, but then all evidence is circumstantial. And look what else they've left me.''
He reached over to the table and pulled some things off it.
``Crosswords, dictionaries, and a calculator.''
He played with the calculator for an hour, whilst the cat went to sleep and the rain outside continued to pour. Eventually he put the calculator aside.
``I think I must be right in thinking they ask me questions,'' he said, ``To come all that way and leave all these things for the privilege of singing songs to you would be very strange behaviour. Or so it seems to me. Who can tell, who can tell.''
From the table he picked up a cigarette and lit it with a spill from the stove. He inhaled deeply and sat back.
``I think I saw another ship in the sky today,'' he said at last. ``A big white one. I've never seen a big white one, just the six black ones. And the six green ones. And the others who say they come from so far away. Never a big white one. Perhaps six small black ones can look like one big white one at certain times. Perhaps I would like a glass of whisky. Yes, that seems more likely.''
He stood up and found a glass that was lying on the floor by the mattress. He poured in a measure from his whisky bottle. He sat again.
``Perhaps some other people are coming to see me,'' he said.
A hundred yards away, pelted by the torrential rain, lay the Heart of Gold.
Its hatchway opened, and three figures emerged, huddling into themselves to keep the rain off their faces.
``In there?'' shouted Trillian above the noise of the rain.
``Yes,'' said Zarniwoop.
``That shack?''
``Yes.''
``Weird,'' said Zaphod.
``But it's in the middle of nowhere,'' said Trillian, ``we must have come to the wrong place. You can't rule the Universe from a shack.''
They hurried through the pouring rain, and arrived, wet through, at the door. They knocked. They shivered.
The door opened.
``Hello?'' said the man.
``Ah, excuse me,'' said Zarniwoop, ``I have reason to believe ...''
``Do you rule the Universe?'' said Zaphod.
The man smiled at him.
``I try not to,'' he said, ``Are you wet?''
Zaphod looked at him in astonishment.
``Wet?'' he cried, ``Doesn't it look as if we're wet?''
``That's how it looks to me,'' said the man, ``but how you feel about it might be an altogether different matter. If you feel warmth makes you dry, you'd better come in.''
They went in.
They looked around the tiny shack, Zarniwoop with slight distaste, Trillian with interest, Zaphod with delight.
``Hey, er ...'' said Zaphod, ``what's your name?''
The man looked at them doubtfully.
``I don't know. Why, do you think I should have one? It seems very odd to give a bundle of vague sensory perceptions a name.''
He invited Trillian to sit in the chair. He sat on the edge of the chair, Zarniwoop leaned stiffly against the table and Zaphod lay on the mattress.
``Wowee!'' said Zaphod, ``the seat of power!'' He tickled the cat.
``Listen,'' said Zarniwoop, ``I must ask you some questions.''
``Alright,'' said the man kindly, ``you can sing to my cat if you like.''
``Would he like that?'' asked Zaphod.
``You'd better ask him,'' said the man.
``Does he talk?'' said Zaphod.
``I have no memory of him talking,'' said the man, ``but I am very unreliable.''
Zarniwoop pulled some notes out of a pocket.
``Now,'' he said, ``you do rule the Universe, do you?''
``How can I tell?'' said the man.
Zarniwoop ticked off a note on the paper.
``How long have you been doing this?''
``Ah,'' said the man, ``this is a question about the past is it?''
Zarniwoop looked at him in puzzlement. This wasn't exactly what he had been expecting.
``Yes,'' he said.
``How can I tell,'' said the man, ``that the past isn't a fiction designed to account for the discrepancy between my immediate physical sensations and my state of mind?''
Zarniwoop stared at him. The steam began to rise from his sodden clothes.
``So you answer all questions like this?'' he said.
The man answered quickly.
``I say what it occurs to me to say when I think I hear people say things. More I cannot say.''
Zaphod laughed happily.
``I'll drink to that,'' he said and pulled out the bottle of Janx spirit. He leaped up and handed the bottle to the ruler of the Universe, who took it with pleasure.
``Good on you, great ruler,'' he said, ``tell it like it is.''
``No, listen to me,'' said Zarniwoop, ``people come to you do they? In ships ...''
``I think so,'' said the man. He handed the bottle to Trillian.
``And they ask you,'' said Zarniwoop, ``to take decisions for them? About people's lives, about worlds, about economies, about wars, about everything going on out there in the Universe?''
``Out there?'' said the man, ``out where?''
``Out there!'' said Zarniwoop pointing at the door.
``How can you tell there's anything out there,'' said the man politely, ``the door's closed.''
The rain continued to pound the roof. Inside the shack it was warm.
``But you know there's a whole Universe out there!'' cried Zarniwoop. ``You can't dodge your responsibilities by saying they don't exist!''
The ruler of the Universe thought for a long while whilst Zarniwoop quivered with anger.
``You're very sure of your facts,'' he said at last, ``I couldn't trust the thinking of a man who takes the Universe --- if there is one --- for granted.''
Zarniwoop still quivered, but was silent.
``I only decide about my Universe,'' continued the man quietly. ``My Universe is my eyes and my ears. Anything else is hearsay.''
``But don't you believe in anything?''
The man shrugged and picked up his cat.
``I don't understand what you mean,'' he said.
``You don't understand that what you decide in this shack of yours affects the lives and fates of millions of people? This is all monstrously wrong!''
``I don't know. I've never met all these people you speak of. And neither, I suspect, have you. They only exist in words we hear. It is folly to say you know what is happening to other people. Only they know, if they exist. They have their own Universes of their own eyes and ears.''
Trillian said:
``I think I'm just popping outside for a moment.''
She left and walked into the rain.
``Do you believe other people exist?'' insisted Zarniwoop.
``I have no opinion. How can I say?''
``I'd better see what's up with Trillian,'' said Zaphod and slipped out.
Outside, he said to her:
``I think the Universe is in pretty good hands, yeah?''
``Very good,'' said Trillian. They walked off into the rain.
Inside, Zarniwoop continued.
``But don't you understand that people live or die on your word?''
The ruler of the Universe waited for as long as he could. When he heard the faint sound of the ship's engines starting he spoke to cover it.
``It's nothing to do with me,'' he said, ``I am not involved with people. The Lord knows I am not a cruel man.''
``Ah!'' barked Zarniwoop, ``you say `The Lord'. You believe in something!''
``My cat,'' said the man benignly, picking it up and stroking it, ``I call him The Lord. I am kind to him.''
``Alright,'' said Zarniwoop, pressing home his point, ``How do you know he exists? How do you know he knows you to be kind, or enjoys what he thinks of as your kindness?''
``I don't,'' said the man with a smile, ``I have no idea. It merely pleases me to behave in a certain way to what appears to be a cat. Do you behave any differently? Please, I think I am tired.''
Zarniwoop heaved a thoroughly dissatisfied sigh and looked about.
``Where are the other two?'' he said suddenly.
``What other two?'' said the ruler of the Universe, settling back into his chair and refilling his whisky glass.
``Beeblebrox and the girl! The two who were here!''
``I remember no one. The past is a fiction to account for ...''
``Stuff it,'' snapped Zarniwoop and ran out into the rain. There was no ship. The rain continued to churn the mud. There was no sign to show where the ship had been. He hollered into the rain. He turned and ran back to the shack and found it locked.
The ruler of the Universe dozed lightly in his chair. After a while he played with the pencil and the paper again and was delighted when he discovered how to make a mark with the one on the other. Various noises continued outside, but he didn't know whether they were real or not. He then talked to his table for a week to see how it would react.
< DON"T PANIC! >
Posted by Knthrak on Jan. 22 2002,05:34
Meanwhile, back at the ranch...
Posted by Knthrak on Jan. 22 2002,05:38
...Tyler Durden and the "Narrator" were just watching a round of Fight Club take place. When he saw himself fight William Shatner, the "Narrator" realized that everything wasn't exactly as it seemed. In fact, the person that he was really fighting was...
Posted by TheTaxMan on Jan. 22 2002,14:53
Himself. Unfortunately, he also realized the story should have ended with DON'T PANIC and promptly closed the book.
Posted by editor on Jan. 23 2002,03:19
I'm Paying for This?-sigh-
(doesn't anyone want to talk about overclocking their RAM?)
I'm going over to the "other" forums.
before you flame me, I'm kidding.
Posted by Jimi on Jan. 23 2002,04:50
So it was 4am and Tyler, Jack and the Narrator where all crashed out on the floor on Mr T's living room after the T man had gone to bed. They were drinking lots of strong coffee and discussing whether it was safe to set 100MHz RAM as 133MHz in the BIOS or would it totally fry all the RAM chips, Tyler was quick to point out that...
Posted by Knthrak on Jan. 23 2002,17:17
...by mixing equal parts of gasoline and frozen orange juice concentrate you can make napalm..."Really?", said the Narrator? "Then maybe you shouldn't have left the orange juice next to the spilt gasoline, that could start a fire, you know." "I know," said Tyler. At that moment the entire house caught fire. Not knowing what to do next, Tyler and the Narrator started to...
Posted by Non on Jan. 23 2002,17:33
...SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!! 
This is the stupidest thread ever.
Posted by Jimi on Jan. 23 2002,23:56
After SHUTTING THE FUCK UP!!! they decided it would be wise to put out the fire... Tyler unfortunatly died whilst fighting the fire, this of course didn't matter because Tyler was a figment of...
Posted by ic0n0 on Jan. 24 2002,07:36
Conservative propaganda, but then everyone started to dance and sing as ic0n0 reached his goal of 666 posts! Then Satan jumped out of hell and made ic0n0…
Posted by Nikita on Jan. 24 2002,16:31
the prince of insufficient light ... or the prince of heck ...
Posted by Jimi on Jan. 24 2002,21:37
...At this point Jimi shouted w00t as he had discovered a dilbert fan, then he changed icono's name to Phil as he is the prince of insufficient light, then trundled off down the...
Posted by Hex on Jan. 25 2002,01:54
..road wondering why in the name of lucifer this story was still going on after the universe had been destroyed several times...
Posted by Non on Jan. 25 2002,02:02
Because ppl like you (and me, but for a good reason) keep posting. SO STOP IT!please.
Posted by Hex on Jan. 25 2002,02:14
THE END
Posted by Hellraiser on Jan. 25 2002,03:04
But just when the peeps of Detnet thought their torture was over and the interminable story finished, a new plot twist happened. The story wound round a loop and began again at its beginning where...
Posted by ic0n0 on Jan. 25 2002,04:44
The aliens were smoking crack and surfing the web at the same, soon they came across..
Posted by 1LT on Jan. 25 2002,12:19
the angry lips of those against this thread...(cheap shot but what the fuck)
Posted by Knthrak on Jan. 26 2002,02:40
Who said, why can't we be friends...
Posted by ic0n0 on Feb. 05 2002,16:28
Then it finally ended!