Heres some great conversation stoppers I use:

Freak: Hi! Wanna chat?
Me: Gee I'd love too, but my brother just got out of his cage and we have to go catch him before he eats someone.

Freak: Hi! Age/Sex/Location?
Me: Giznorph? Jilzabbiba!!

Freak: Hey, want to chat?
Me: Hmmm..well I dont, but one of my other personalities might..let me ask.

Freak: Hi!
Me: HI!!
Freak: Want to chat.
Me: Sorry I was just leaving.
Freak: Oh ok maybe later than.
Me: Bye
Freak: Bye
Me: Bye
Freak:..
Me: Bye
Me: Bye
Freak: Weren't you leaving?
Me: Bye
Me: Bye
(continue for a few hours)

Freak: Hey...whats up?
Me: Not much want to see my pic?
Freak: Sure! (they almost always want to)
Me: ->URL < http://www.uglypeople.com/ >
Me: I'm the 4th guy from the top, fat one in the thong!

These arent that great but they do the job, got any better ones?

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Just your generic meaningless signature. Mix with 2 quarts water and stir till evenly coated.

Heres one I've been dying to try...just have to have the right intro...

Freak: Hi! I saw in your info that you sing in a band. What kind of music do you play?

Me: Mostly Thrash Death Metal. Its pretty cool!

Freak: Oh...is that like metallica or something.

Me: Yeah, only louder, and we sacrifice people and worship satan, you know, stuff like that.

Freak: yeah right.

Me: No really. Last year we even sacrificed our bass player, he wasnt very good, but even bad musicians appease the evil daemons.

Freak: you're lying

Me: No I mean it. In fact we're looking for some new groupies...sorta. Hey want to come to our concert tommarow?

Freak: Um I have to go. Bye.

[This message has been edited by Rattman (edited June 15, 2000).]

It consists of someone going on a BSB chat room on AOL other than myself and having them say something to the effect of "Hey, I got _____'s (insert a BSB's name here) sn!!!"

Wait a few seconds then prepared to be deluged with the IMs of 14 yr olds that are convinced you are a BSB. I strung one of them along for nearly an hour, then when I revealed the awful truth she wouldn't believe me. She thought I was trying to "trick her" LOL ... if she only knew.

Suffice to say, it's A LOT of fun ;)

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< www.slapmahfro.net >
ya know ya wanna slap it ...

you can always go with the (after few hours of chat):

"Man, its really scary when you think about it, i mean we dont even know eachother we could be psychos..."

"yeah...hehe"

"I mean, i could be in that car across the street on a laptop..stalking you. hey wave out the window to me would ya?"

this'll freak people out even though they know its not true, it just gets your brain going and after a while they're crawlin by all the windows in their house.

Freak: Hi, wanna chat?
Me: Um...exactly WHERE did you get the idea I'd want to talk to you?

So, its a bit bitchy, but you should see how I shut down guys in bars. BWAHAHAHAHAAAA. Personal favorite: "WHY are you talking to me?"
or "Don't sit there, go away"

That and emails resulting from my yahoo profile. Shortest path to destruction is when I send their replies back with all of the typos, spelling, and improper uses of grammar corrected.

This is called "too much time on my hands, I need a busier job".

Nenem1nator

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"Spoken like a princess with a pea in her skull, not under her mattress" - Jade Syren

http://www.angelfire.com/nv/neneshome/

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aventari
"my PC 0wnz m3!"

hey whats up?
not much whos this
you dont really know me.. but im jessica
get my numbetr from search or something?
yea
thats cool do you want me to start stalking you right away or wait a while first
well ive been stalking you for the last 6 months... so iguess it would only be fair
HAHAHa excellent answer

<insert few minutes of freindly chat to convince her i’m normal>

well I have to go..i’ll be back at in 5 minutes.
<30 seconds>
hey are you back yet?
are you there?
come on are you back?
hello?
where did you go?
are you ignoring me?
come on!
this is stupid..where are you?
no time for me huh?
DUDE! Relax I’m here geez!
oh! good!
but..i have to go my brother needs the computer
What? you’re just going to leave?
um..i’ll be back later maybe
FINE THEN! FINE! FORGET IT! JUST GO!!!
<logs off>

Now tell me how many of you would've actually responded to my second msg?? (to make it worse, if you know which song 'under my voodoo' is its a really freaky backwads vocals song, not one you want to listen to a whole lot, although it is cool)

<User Kitty has added you to her contact list>
me: hi! do you like sublime?
kitty: Hell yes! Sublime is actually in my cd player right now!

me: whoa awesome i am there biggest fan. but i only like the 'under my voodoo' though song i play it over and over again usually about 245.75 times in a full day (i keep track). i can even sing the backwards parts and do all the guitar parts with my voice. it gets pretty loud. brad nowell was awesome, i wish i looked like him but i dont so i'm trying to find a girl to date who looks like him but girls dont really look like him too often and i dont want to be gay even though i'd find someone quicker that way. what about you do you look like brad nowell? huh?

kitty: that is so cool! i play the guitar too. My all-time fav song of theirs would probably be... Santeria

me: wow really cool! we should start a band then, actually i was in a bnad but they kicked me out cuz i wanted everyone to act like sublime but the bass palyer wasnt cool enough so i kicked him while we were playing. i am trying to put on 50 lbs so i look more like their bass player. hes awesome. hes like the coolest guy on the planet, next to brad nowell

kitty: I actually only know Brad! still, Im like, a huuuuge fan. I really wish i could start up a band with you (cos u sound real cool!) but i live in New Zealand

me: i have life size standups of the whole band in my room. hey did i tell you about the time i almost met him! i was at one of their concerts and he gave me the finger after i tried to steal one of his guitars. it was a cool guitar. the bouncers beat me up afterwards really bad. i think they were just jealous cuz brad looked at me or someting like that. you know how bouncers are. i was going to work as a bouncer cuz i thought maybe sublime would play there and then i'd get to meet them, but no clubs will hire me cuz i always sing under my voodoo during the interview while the owner is talking and that seems to piss them off

kitty: LOL i kinda think that would piss someone off if they wanted to hire you! Nah. Wow, if i had met brad (when he was alive) i probably would have freaked out or something. So what do you do? like, do you go to school?

me: i sit in my room most of the day and listen to sublime. sometimes i go out and look for people who look like brad to talk to. but i usually dont find anyone.

kitty: <no response>

me: <disconnect>
me: <reconnect>

me: sorry my computer crashed. i had 3 copies of winamp playing under my voodoo. it sounds pretty cool when they get all out of synch its real trippy

kitty: <logs off>

---
now at first i thought, hmmmm...she must be playing along, in fact maybe she plans to post the chat from her perspective on this board...but then i could tell i freaked her out near the end.

person: "i'm a really nice looking cheerleader and u sound really nice"
me: "fine then, your point?"
person: "what, don't you think i sound nice?"
me: "yeah sure whatever"
person: "ooh it makes me really hot when you talk like that!"

suffice to say, the ignore list called.

--directhex

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The master has no need for money. And yet he sits and counts it. As a meditation.
-The Book of Cataclysm

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"That's very badmath" -Mrs Marino, my pre-calculus teacher

The ROM reviews on that site are hilarious too.

"Since you are a stupid floating zombie head, you do not get many weapons, much less magic swords. In fact, the only weapons you are able to use are your eyeballs and toxic barf (yes, this is very logical when you do not have a stomach or throat to pull the digested food up from). It also appears that zombies have an unlimited amount of eyeballs stashed in their heads, very special zombie eyeballs that slightly injure everything. "

And Lowtax doesn't now what he's talking about! Zombie Nation is the greatest game I've eve played! Okay, maybe not, but it's so incredibly bizarre it's pretty memorable.

Lowtax's reviews of games, movies, and Quake Clans are great.

then they usually say yes.

Then I ask them how to config my winmodem on my IBM 1492 series Laptop to run under a redhat install of minicom.

then they say bye

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"Would you care to join me in a cup of tea?|Why yes that would be luvly!|*Splish!*Splosh!*Splish!*"

Zombie Nation is the weirdest game ever...and lowtax was right, Bad Street Brawler was the most homosexual thing i'd ever seen in my life, my buddy said "dude we have to stop playing this or you'll go gay!"