Topic: Dick-steak bruised my ass!
started by: PersonGuy
Yesterday, I was on a date with a chick. We were walking down the side walk just after getting out of my car, and she was followling closely behind me to my left.
PG: So where do you want to eat?
Chick: Oh I don't know...
PG: Well, what kind of food do you want.
Chick: I could go for some steak!
(my mind is of course thinking about Det Net)
PG: How about some nice dick-steak!?
Then she pretended to kick me as an "oh, behave" type joke. But she REALLY did kick me really hard! And she he shoes had spiked toes!
I crumpled to the ground holding my ass! I could barely stand up!
I limped along and finally HAD to look an make sure my ass was ok (in public)! So I tried, but I couldn't twist my back enough. So I told her to look for me, and she was like, "No way!"
So I (shot version) broke up with her, and went home to assess the damage. Now I have a big bruise on my ass and it hurts to sit down! Fucking dick-steak!! 
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<P:\>erson\Guy.exe -PersonGuy *pERSONgUY.cfg
< http://www.personguy.com >
rofl
HAHAHA sorry i'm still laughing
quote:
Originally posted by PersonGuy:
I don't remember who started the "dick steak" thing, but now I'm mad at you!!
< Glad I could be of service. >
(btw - have you guys seen the det.net search page? cr0bar...that graphic is fucking hilarious)
quote:
Chick: I could go for some steak!
PG: How about some nice dick-steak!?
thats a good line!
[edit- i can believe I had to edit a 13 word post..]
This message has been edited by aventari on March 04, 2001 at 09:15 PM
quote:
Originally posted by syf0n:
Seriously...did that actually happen? Just like that??? Man, that's gotta suck.
Well, I left out a little piece where we fought about her checking my ass... let me fill in the blank.
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PG: It REALLY HURTS! I GOTTA check it out...
Chick: Right now!?
PG: YES! I think I fell blood running down my leg!
Chick: Ok, but I'm going to walk the other way and pretend I don't know you...
PG: Sheesh... no one is even around...
*tries to twist back and pull down pants a little*
Chick: *calls over shoulder* You done?
PG: No! I can't see. Can you look for me?
Chick: NO WAY!
PG: PLEASE! I think you punctured an intestine! My inards are haning out of my ass! I gotta know if I'm ok!
Chick: NO WAY!
PG: But won't you be seeing my ass eventually? You know... like in 2 or 3 dates?
Chick: 2 or 3 dates, huh? I hope I never get to see your mangled ass!
*3 or 4 people start staring*
PG: Well YOU mangled it! This is like rubbing a dogs nose in carpet poo... If you care anything about me you'll check my ass...
Chick: So I'm a dog?
PG: I didn't say that.
Chick: I'm not getting near my poo... or whatever! You're sick if you think I want to look at your ass!
PG: This is a matter of life or death!
Chick: I'm not looking!
PG: Fine! Well your un-mangled-ass is walking home! *quickly limps towards car*
Chick: Hey! I'll kick your ass again! *runs past me to car* Come-on, you're kidding, right!?
PG: *sigh* Well, ok, I'll drive you home... actually, you drive, I'm going to have to sit on my hands...
Chick: Ok.
PG: But you know it's over, right?
Chick: Why?
PG: If you can't look at my ass to save my life, then we just have nothing to talk about.
Chick: That's stupid!
PG: Just drive.
---
Anyway, she was moderately good looking... I still can't sit, but mabey I'll call her back...
Moral of the Story: Make sure you walk BEHIND your date if you're going to mention dick-steak.
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<P:\>erson\Guy.exe -PersonGuy *pERSONgUY.cfg
< http://www.personguy.com >
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< http://www.pshosting.com/
>
fast and inexpensive web hosting and domain registration
you should have better assessed the damage! 
quote:
Originally posted by syf0n:
I don't know about anyone else, but my Bullshit-O-Meter (TM) just hit about a 7 or 8:|-------[-]--|
Thats funny, my moronOmeter just went off the scale...
sdkjlhi8 '4 '4y ksfdsskhslkhp89 w
quote:
Originally posted by Wolfguard:
Thats funny, my moronOmeter just went off the scale...
ROFL! I'm dead serious about this!! My ass feels better today though. It just hurts a little when I send down...
You don't undersand, I say!!!
1) It was the second most pain I've ever felt next to getting kick in the nuts.
2) This kick could have scored a field goal from 50 yards!! She intended to miss and really put some UMF! behind it!!!
And the reasons I broke up:
1) Yah she was kinda dumb...
2) She admitted that 2 or 3 dates was out of the question for a secedualed ass viewing.
3) I could have been dying and she wouldn't help.
4) She almost crashed on the way home.
5) If she could accidently kick me THAT HARD, I never want her near me in the kitchen with a knife! She's liable to puncture a lung!!
6) She wasn't UNBELIVEABLY good looking...
7) She was expecting STEAK on a first date (and NOT dick-steak at that!)
Anyway, she called me at work today and asked me how my ass was... so I MIGHT go see a movie with her next week provied she wears sneakers.
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<P:\>erson\Guy.exe -PersonGuy *pERSONgUY.cfg
< http://www.personguy.com >
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I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
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Ah screw it.
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ICEGAMING.COM
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PG: That shit REALLY HURTS! I GOTTA check that bastard out...
Chick: Right now!?
PG: YES! I think I fell blood running down my shit-ass leg!
Chick: fucked-up, but I'm going to walk the fucking other way and pretend I don't know you and your jive...
PG: Sheesh... Strap this to your cornhole: you are a bloody fuckhead. no motherfucking one is even around...
*tries to fuckin' twist back and pull down pants a little*
Chick: *calls over shoulder* You done?
PG: No motherfucking! I can't see. Asshole. Can you look for my stupid ass?
Chick: NO WAY!
PG: PLEASE! I think you punctured an intestine! My cockgobbling inards are haning out of my motherfucking ass! I gotta know if I'm fucked-up!
Chick: NO WAY!
PG: But won't you and your hemorrhoids be seeing my hairy ass eventually? Are you ready to burn? You know... like in 2 or 3 dates?
Chick: 2 or 3 dates, huh? Tell me every fucking thing I want to know. I hope I never get to fuckin' see your sorry mangled ass!
*3 or 4 people start staring*
PG: Well YOU mangled that bastard! This bullshit is like rubbing a dogs nose in carpet poo... What's wrong with you? If you and your hand-job care anything about my stupid ass you and your jive'll check my fucking ass...
Chick: So god-damn I'm a dog?
PG: I didn't say that.
Chick: I'm not getting near my fucking poo... Fact: you are a pussy. or whatever! You and your sluts're sick if you and your hemorrhoids think I want to fuckin' look at your sorry ass!
PG: This bullshit is a matter of life or death!
Chick: I'm not looking!
PG: Fine! Well your sorry un-mangled-ass is walking home! *quickly limps towards car*
Chick: Eat a dick! I'll kick your sorry ass again! *runs past my stupid ass to fuckin' car* Come-on, you're kidding, right!?
PG: *sigh* Well, fucked-up, I'll drive you home... Wanna burn?
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Ah screw it.
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ICEGAMING.COM
But, seriously, PG, that had to suck... If she hit you while trying to miss, I don't think you want to give her a dick-steak... You might not get it back! 
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<º(((><
..DAMN
and she didn't look at your ass either.. damn man that really, REALLY sucks.. I mean if I did that to a chick of course I'd help her out.
But you still made it sound like a sitcom.
quote:
Originally posted by solid:
I mean if I did that to a chick of course I'd help her out.
Hah, if you were with a chick, you'd probably do that just for the excuse to look at her ass.
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Old farts never die, they just get blown away.
This message has been edited by ic0n0 on March 06, 2001 at 01:48 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Hellraiser:
Hah, if you were with a chick, you'd probably do that just for the excuse to look at ass.
anyhow yes, that would be an advantage, but i wouldnt do it on purpose.. jeez.. i wouldnt want to harm someone so i can look at their mangled ass! =P