Forum: The Classroom
Topic: 101 ways to kill your brother
started by: HOUND

Posted by whiskey@throttle on Dec. 23 2000,18:13
#2 - Tie him down. Seal his mouth with superglue. Seal one nostril. Feed a tube in the other.

Feed choice liquid (preferably toxic, corrosive) in said nostril.

This message has been edited by whiskey@throttle on December 23, 2000 at 01:14 PM


Posted by DuSTman on Dec. 23 2000,19:52
#3 Allow him to eat nothing but ball bearings.
Posted by Rhydant on Dec. 23 2000,21:14
does this apply to sisters too? i have 2 really bitchy sisters...

#4: place sibling in large pot. fill remanding space with crude oil. boil. either the heat will kill him/her, or a gaseous fume will rise up, ignite in the fire, and explode.

or you could just push them off a cliff.

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Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot. The thing I hate most is that I didn't have a better idea.


Posted by DuSTman on Dec. 23 2000,21:35
#5 Hijack a construction piledriver!
Posted by Vulu on Dec. 23 2000,22:55
#6 - Beat the shit out of your Dad's super-flexed 5,000$ computer and say your brother did it...he'll take it from there...

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-=JB=-
-VULU-


Posted by Puppet Master on Dec. 24 2000,01:17
#7 If he is young, buy him an advance chemistry set.

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< Vulture Studios >


Posted by PersonGuy on Dec. 24 2000,01:33
#8 Let cr0bar do a "how to blow-up" guide on him.

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<P:\>erson\Guy.exe -PersonGuy *pERSONgUY.cfg
< http://www.personguy.com >


Posted by Sithiee on Dec. 24 2000,01:55
#9 if he drives, run a tube from the gas tank to the spark plug
Posted by incubus on Dec. 24 2000,01:57
#10. Put a freshly sharpened pencil into each nostril and hit with a cricket bat.

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-- incubus
As I chase the leaves like the words I never find ...


Posted by HOUND on Dec. 24 2000,05:09
it is my mission to write a book on how many ways to kill your brother. I thought i would let it be a joint thing, with, you ask? you. and from reading some of the things personguy has said i am sure he can supply many, sick and twisted ideas... anyhow i will start:

no.1.

wait till your unsuspecting brother is asleep and drug him, then carry carry your half-unconsious brother out to a dumpster which you know will be emptied the next morning.


Posted by CatKnight on Dec. 24 2000,07:14
#11-make him drink a lot of water, then make him eat some potassium metal

#12-carefully insert a couple of quarters in an electrical socket (with rubber gloves) and tell him that he can keep it if he can pull them out

#13-throw his frisbee/baseball on to the roof. set up a ladder that goes on to the roof, but grease up the top rung so he falls down when he gets there

#14-convince him to play russian roulette. fully load the revolver, and make him go first.


Posted by hair on Dec. 24 2000,07:40
quote:
Originally posted by CatKnight:
[B#14-convince him to play russian roulette. fully load the revolver, and make him go first.[/B]

that reminds me of a darwin award i read about.. some dumbass tried to play russian roulette with a semi-auto .45 effectively making his chances of winning 0 percent.

(btw: my brother is the man)

edit - im retarded

This message has been edited by hair on December 24, 2000 at 02:49 AM


Posted by PersonGuy on Dec. 25 2000,15:32
#16 Duct-tape a bowling ball to the top of his head. Eventually his neck with give way.

#17 Duct-tape scissors to his forhead, pointy side towards him. Then tie his shoe-laces together.

#18 Duct-tape his butt cheaks together. Eventually he'll die of some time of self poisoning.

#19 Duct-tape big piece of raw meat to him. Then drop him in the middle of a national forest bear reserve.

#20 Duct-tape a cell phone to his ear. As we all know he'll instantly die from brain damage.

#21 Duct-tape his feet to the bumper of the family car.

#22 Duct-tape a 666 flag and a gay flag on his chest and back. Then send him to Utah.

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<P:\>erson\Guy.exe -PersonGuy *pERSONgUY.cfg
< http://www.personguy.com >


Posted by kai on Dec. 25 2000,17:20
#15 My sister used to put pillows on my face when i was a little kid. So, I guess it really didn't work. But it could!

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What if there were no hypothetical questions?


Posted by whiskey@throttle on Dec. 26 2000,03:47
#23 - Intravenous injection of 1150cc of methamphetamine.

#24 - Bury up to neck at shoreline.

#25 - Bury up to neck near anthill, cover in honey.

#26 - "Stump" (that means cut off feet) and leave on jagged rock quarry.

#27 - Remove skin. Add salt.

#28 - Remove skin. Add lemon juice.


Posted by SLATE on Dec. 26 2000,19:49
#29 - Tie down to strong-ass COLD metal table. Slowly drop a weak acid that slowly will eat through skin. Wait till a hole is formed. Fill open cavity with rocks or other heavy things. Become an emergency surgeon and sew hole closed. Or superglue, if you don't wanna get too bloody. Bind arms/legs together (pref. hogtie) and throw into swimming pool. Watch as he drowns.
Posted by Wolfguard on Dec. 27 2000,10:43
#30 Build time machine, go back in time to just before your parents met and kill both of them. This will prevent your brother from being born and will remove more unwanted crap from the gene pool.

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Leaving the trees was a bad idea.


Posted by DuSTman on Dec. 27 2000,12:42
#31 Line his shoes with sandpaper - he'll gradually sand himself down while walking until theere's nothing left!
Posted by Wolfguard on Dec. 27 2000,13:34
quote:
Originally posted by DuSTman:
#31 Line his shoes with sandpaper - he'll gradually sand himself down while walking until theere's nothing left!

when hound is done with the time machine i think you need to take it for a spin...

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Leaving the trees was a bad idea.


Posted by Sithiee on Dec. 27 2000,18:39
wouldnt #30 get you killed too?
Posted by DuSTman on Dec. 27 2000,19:48
quote:
Originally posted by Sithiee:
wouldnt #30 get you killed too?

I think that's the idea, it's wolfguards.. err.. sophisticated wit.


Posted by SLATE on Dec. 28 2000,00:42
#32 - Have him look out the top of your car with a sunroof... Slowly close sunroof upon neck until death occurs.

#33 - Play with the sunroof motor in a car. Make it so that it has a 400Horsepower engine moving it.... Put and part of brother's body outside of it and close... Crunch!

#34 - Have brother STAND outside of sunroof. Build an object that is about 2 feet taller then your car, and would approximatly line up with where his head would be. Attach sharp objects of choice and drive back and forth through the object, slicing him with the sharp objects. Variate speed for slower death/more pain. Use imagination for more fun!


Posted by Wolfguard on Dec. 28 2000,10:13
quote:
Originally posted by Sithiee:
wouldnt #30 get you killed too?

Well we can see that your an earthling.

What do you say when you see it raining outside?

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Leaving the trees was a bad idea.


Posted by Wolfguard on Dec. 28 2000,10:13
quote:
Originally posted by DuSTman:
I think that's the idea, it's wolfguards.. err.. sophisticated wit.

Like my wit, your half right

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Leaving the trees was a bad idea.


Posted by PersonGuy on Dec. 28 2000,22:53
quote:
#30

You could go back to after you are born, and THEN kill them.

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<P:\>erson\Guy.exe -PersonGuy *pERSONgUY.cfg
< http://www.personguy.com >


Posted by Sithiee on Dec. 28 2000,23:45
i think theres some sort of temporal mechanics problem though. if you go back in time, and you kill your parents right when they met, theyd be dead, and they couldnt have you. but if they couldnt have you, you couldnt have killed them. but if you didnt kill them, then they could of had you and your brother. but now your gonna kill them again. this hurts my brain.
Posted by PersonGuy on Dec. 30 2000,00:24
There's basically 3 general theories of time travel.

Back to the future
Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure
Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey

BttF: didn't make much sence... makes my head hurt... Austin Powers 2 made fun of it...

Personally, my favorite is B&TEA
1) you can't change history, because it was already change
2) infinate number of time lines...
3) time still moves, because you have to go back to your time line or there would be 2 of you

B&TBJ is different, because at the end, the spend a year practicing their guitar, and makin babies but still come back to their own time seconds later. I've always thought that part was confusing, and that they ruined a great time travel theory.

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<P:\>erson\Guy.exe -PersonGuy *pERSONgUY.cfg
< http://www.personguy.com >


Posted by Wolfguard on Dec. 30 2000,01:18
quote:
Originally posted by PersonGuy:
[QUOTE]#30

You could go back to after you are born, and THEN kill them.
[/QUOTE]

that would still leave crap floating around in the gene pool. Better to just get them before they meet

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Leaving the trees was a bad idea.


Posted by Wolfguard on Dec. 30 2000,01:22
quote:
Originally posted by Sithiee:
i think theres some sort of temporal mechanics problem though. if you go back in time, and you kill your parents right when they met, theyd be dead, and they couldnt have you. but if they couldnt have you, you couldnt have killed them. but if you didnt kill them, then they could of had you and your brother. but now your gonna kill them again. this hurts my brain.

Your changing the time line from that point on. You go back, kill your parents and your just gone. The new time line never had you in it but it has already been changed.


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Leaving the trees was a bad idea.


Posted by Wolfguard on Dec. 30 2000,01:25
quote:
Originally posted by Cyrino:
Well, if you went back in time, wouldn't you be out of that time line?

nope, the time line will continue on its path till you change it. if you can go back in time you can assume that you can hold your place in the current time line till its changed.

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Leaving the trees was a bad idea.


Posted by spatula on Dec. 30 2000,05:37
#35 - Lock brother in room with TV playing Barbra Streisand movies, and bags of anthrax spores. Watch how quickly those bags are inhaled!
Posted by Cyrino on Dec. 30 2000,05:43
Well, if you went back in time, wouldn't you be out of that time line?

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They have cats in the future?


Posted by HOUND on Dec. 30 2000,10:46
36. explain to your brother that it would be fun to fly a metal kite with copper wire as a string in the raging storm.
Posted by Hasaku on Dec. 31 2000,03:09
your original timeline would now be cut off from you, so once you kill your parents you can't go back. You're now stuck in the new timeline that has you and your dead parents in it. You've effectively killed your brother because you still exist, and, at least in any timeline accessible to you, he doesn't, but you've also killed your poor unfortunate parents. Of course, they brought you into the world, so they did commit some crime. BTW, B&TEA was by far the best time travel movie ever. Langoliers sucked ass, but not as much as much as Back to the Future.
Posted by unabomber on Dec. 31 2000,06:22
#37 Send them some ... mail.

#38 Give them a temporal paradox (#30) and simply watch their small mind go >pop!<

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If you don't get it send me some email (unabomber@detonate.net) and I'll explain.


Posted by Puppet Master on Dec. 31 2000,21:02
#39 Give them something posioness to play with.

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< Vulture Studios >


Posted by Spydir Web on Dec. 31 2000,21:28
#40 - get them extremely high on a narcotic, and cut off their hands. They won't feel it if they're high enough, or care for that matter. Leave them in a room for about a day, they should bleed to death.
#41 - feed them nothing but those Wow! chips for a week, and have them eat the chips 24/7. They'll be shitting out organs cuz of all that olean or whatever it's call.

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Spydir Web - spydirweb@techie.com
Core Arctic - < http://welcome.to/CoreArctic/ >


Posted by SaxMaster on Jan. 01 2001,02:39
We could probably write the song "50 ways to kill your brother", sung to the tune of "50 Ways to Leave your Lover" by Paul Simon, heheh. If anyone knows the song, Think about it, it works

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"There is no such thing as cybersex. The only person getting f*cked is you, by America Online."


Posted by Bozeman on Jan. 07 2001,09:39
I'm back after winter break, where are we, #42?

#42: Step 1, read all pertinent information about your house's model of water heater.

Step 2, Manually tamper with water heater so that it purposely produces Carbon Monoxide gas.

Step 3, make sure all doors and windows are shut.

Step 4, Turn up the heat, and run a lot of hot water.

Step 5, Leave house.

Note: This may also kill your parents and/or pets. Use with extreme caution. Or don't. See if I care.


Posted by solid on Jan. 07 2001,23:21
#43
Replace him as the thanksgiving turky
(this in effect will)
Have your mom stuff his ass,
have your dad cut him up,
and your whole family can enjoy a very tender meal.
Posted by PersonGuy on Jan. 10 2001,23:44
#44 Rat tat tat, Yo!

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<P:\>erson\Guy.exe -PersonGuy *pERSONgUY.cfg
< http://www.personguy.com >


Posted by PersonGuy on Jan. 16 2001,22:50
#46 Put in clothes dryer with 2 bowling balls. Start 70 minute cycle.

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<P:\>erson\Guy.exe -PersonGuy *pERSONgUY.cfg
< http://www.personguy.com >


Posted by askheaves on Jan. 17 2001,05:44
#45: Cut up some Cat-5 cable so that you have a handful of 2mm sections of the little wires in side with the insulation still on them. Sprinkle them on a glazed doughnut. Serve. Watch intestines rupture.
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