demonk 
The other white meat
Group: Members
Posts: 800
Joined: Aug. 2000
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Posted on: Jul. 13 2002,00:33 |
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Ok, here goes a bunch of random thoughts and rants that I have.
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WTF am I still doing at work? It's 4:22 pm on a Friday, everyone here seems to be in a meeting, all the work I have is finish, and I'm not going to get any more before 5 pm. So why am I still sitting in this cubical, wasting my time in front of a computer when it is sunny and warm outside?
And WTF is up with these emotions I'm having towards my ex? I thought that I was moving into a new phase where I can view her as just a close friend and have her still somewhat in my life. But now I find myself viewing her as a source of love and emotional acceptance, when I know that that is the absolute last way I need to be viewing her. If I view her that way, I'm not going to move on, and being just friends with her won't work. And damnit, I want to be friends with her!
Why did I forgive her? Ever since I did, my motivation has hit rock bottom. Oh sure, I got rid of all my anger, but now I don't have anything motivating me like I used to. I could goto the gym and spend over 2 hours running and lifting weights, and it would only seem like 15 minutes. But now, even a small 2 mile run feels like eternity, and all I can think about is finish up and getting out of there. But out to where? It's not like I have anything else to be doing, or anyone to be doing it with. I would just end up at home, sitting in front of my computer, doing exactly what I'm doing right now: NOTHING!
I want to do something wrong for myself. I've done too many things in my life "right", and my life is nothing but bordom! I want to do something that makes me happy and will make my family embarresed to know me. I don't want to be seen as "mr nice guy" anymore. I want to have fun!!!!!!
But I can't have fun since I"m such a big computer geek (a good looking one though, see reference to gym above) I never really learned how to have real fun with other people. I have no real social skills.
And why the fuck can't I concentrate? My mind just seems to shut down every so often... What was I saying? Oh ya, I hate my brain. Thought coffee could fix that, but instead it made me so wired that time passed even slower! What was I thinking about again? Oh nevermind!
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I'm just two people short of a threesome!
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