YOU GUESSED IT! I have some experience here!My first kiss:
Once upon a time PersonGuy was dated a crazy fat chick who'd had too much too young with too old. PersonGuy was a silly man. Yes, a very silly shy person, who couldn't approach women. One day, in her bedroom, after he had been slithered over for quite some time (thus having brain malfunction because of lack of oxegen)... he managed to say what was on his mind.
"This whole time I've wanted to kiss you."
The crazy experienced fat chick took a gental step forward, stood up on her toes and pressed he lips against his.
Immediately he began to jam his tounge down her throught. Needless to say, the crazy experienced fat chick didn't enjoy this.
"If you're ever going to kiss me again, I'm going to have to teach you how!" She explained further to PersonGuy, "First of all, start of slow, and STAY slay. Second, it's important to alough me into your mouth as much as it is for you to probe mine. Last, follow my lead: widen and narrow your mouth as I do. No lets try again."
With a nod, PersonGuy led into a much better 3 second kiss.
"Ok, that was much better," said the crazy experienced fat chick. "However, you need to be less like Jell-O and more like a sting ray. Well... somewhere inbetween. Your tounge should move with perpose, but it should also move naturally. Oh, and don't apply CONSTANT suction.
Kiss 3... Her: "Much better!"
4, 5, 6...Her: "You you've become as good as my X!"
Him: "YOU BITCH! I TOLD YOU TO NEVER SPEAK OF HIM!!" (J/K)
1 month later... After being pumbled and flattened a second time (this time in his bedroom), PersonGuy made a daring move in a moment of brain malfunction! The kiss became more natural, and he began to lead instead of following hers.
"That was the best make-out I've ever had! You were leading, and it was just the right combination of consistancy and variation! I saulute you brave knight!"
And they didn't live happily ever after... well at least SHE didn't when PersonGuy hax0red her lying arse! But he was pretty damn happy.
THE END
And the moral of today's story: the ho knows.
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