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LiNeY 
Lady of DetNet
Group: Members
Posts: 782
Joined: Dec. 2000
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Posted on: May 12 2001,06:36 |
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We're a family of four people (mom, dad, me, lil sister) and we can't seem to arrange with each other. It seems to work all fine for a while and then again some kind of a row starts... the atmosphere isn't like in most families I know. What can I do about it? It's like we're four people with totally different ideas and wishes who live together, no one can do what he really wishes to do, and in the end we're all sad and/or angry. And of course, it is always the parents who are right. I want to either change that or move my ass out of here as soon as I can. Anyone got an idea what I could do?
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G-PRIME
FNG
Group: Members
Posts: 33
Joined: Apr. 2001
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Posted on: May 12 2001,06:41 |
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Conform, conform, conform.
That or get a job and friends and spend all your time there.
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LazyGit
FNG
Group: Members
Posts: 273
Joined: Jun. 2000
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Posted on: May 12 2001,09:07 |
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Kill 'em.
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PersonGuy
Right-wing pigeon from outer space
Group: Members
Posts: 2081
Joined: --
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Posted on: May 12 2001,15:30 |
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FINALLY! A subject that I actually know something about! Man, I LIVED IT... so naturally I have advice.  First you NEED to confront your parents. When you have them both in the room (mabey before dinner or something) tell them that you really need to talk to them about something important later in the evening. You must ABSOLUTELY REFUSE to talk about it until you can set aside some time for it and talk privately because it's IMPORTANT. That should get their attention (and their brains scrambled)... Later one when you have them sitting down, explain that you want to talk to them on human being to human being level. Explain how you feel about your life, about family priorites, about personal freedoms, about whatever. Don't list things that YOU WANT to do, don't acuse them of anything, and be willing to compromise. Stress that you want to have a good relationship with them, but you just need a better line of communication with them so everyone can feel like PEOPLE. Don't get angry yourself At ANY time if them get even remotely mad or deffensive you have to say that THIS isn't what you wanted and that you'll have to try this again tomorrow. And set asside some time for it again (this time they'll listen better). If you absolutely CAN'T get sympathy through their thick heads, you have 2 choices. 1) Abide by their rules
2) Move out (but never THREATEN to move out) Personally I've learned that living on your own is HARD! If you're in school... near IMPOSSIBLE without being almost as impleasant as whatever rules you have to follow. Basically just realize that you CAN'T chose your parents. And if you get ones that SUCK, you should work with them, not abandon them. Find ONE thing that you can like about them and them build on THAT. It sucks, but sometimes you just have to get along with the people you hate. Your bitchy boss, your clueless teacher, your noisy garbage-man... and yes... even your family. ------------------
"OH GGOD!!! NOT THE HYLIGHTER AGAIN!!! GO AWAY YOU LITTLE PEANUT HEDGEHOG!!!"
"The only thread about ME likened me to poo shaped mummy."
"Have a nice day, because monkeys don't."
-PersonGuy
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LiNeY
Lady of DetNet
Group: Members
Posts: 782
Joined: Dec. 2000
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Posted on: May 12 2001,16:24 |
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Thanks for your advice, PG. The point is not that I hate my parents - I've been through that phase of puberty long ago - the trouble is I love them and even understand everything about their points of view. My trouble is that I have a different one, and it is impossible to live it without hurting them, but impossible to not live it without hurting myself. I can't be a nice good "young lady" in the 1960's style, and I don't want to be, but I don't wanna hurt them either. I have a totally different approach to life, and as long as they are not willing to see it and just dictate their rules, no one will be happy. Plus, my little sister keeps bitching all the time, so instead of getting our ideas through together, we just fight each other. 
This sounds kinda depressing,... it is.
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| Post Number: 8
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PersonGuy
Right-wing pigeon from outer space
Group: Members
Posts: 2081
Joined: --
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Posted on: May 13 2001,01:31 |
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I hate watching stuff like that, cause I'll just be holding the remote with my finger over the button for like and hour... WHY CAN'T I CHANGE THE CANNEL? It sucks... but I HAVE to watch! WHY!? quote:
Originally posted by LiNeY:
I can't be a nice good "young lady" in the 1960's style, and I don't want to be, but I don't wanna hurt them either.
Communication between family members is WAY down in this society. As an effect, it's hard to identify each other as REAL people with independent identites. Sometimes to a parent a child becomes an extention of their own lives, instead of a separate life of it's own. You NEED to communicate and explain WHO you are. If they can't accept it, you have to remain oppressed... or move-out. I wish it weren't true, but family is a dictatorship, not a democracy. Oh, and if your not 18 (or emancipated), you might as well wait... you can't sign ANYTHING (jobs, loans, bank accounts, credit cards, school applications, drivers licences, lease, etc) without a guardian's signature. It basically KEEPS it a dictatorship, even if you HAVE tried to move out.  But when everythings in place and your ready to go... just be ready to work hard, sleep less, ask for help, and never give-up. ------------------
"OH GGOD!!! NOT THE HYLIGHTER AGAIN!!! GO AWAY YOU LITTLE PEANUT HEDGEHOG!!!"
"The only thread about ME likened me to poo shaped mummy."
"Have a nice day, because monkeys don't."
-PersonGuy
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