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ic0n0 
I have become Death, Destroyer of Worlds
Group: Members
Posts: 1352
Joined: Sep. 2000
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Posted on: Jan. 28 2002,22:39 |
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My thoughts have been rather confused in the past few days and I have been thinking about religion and the afterlife and my own Fate as well as that of my beloved friend. I find myself turning toward the negative thoughts about life. I am a pessimist I always have been, but right now I wish I wasn’t one I honesty want to believe in god and a rational just plan but I cannot accept the idea. I have ranged between atheism and agnosticism for most of my life but I find that I am being even more toward atheism. The recent events in my life haven’t changed my mind about things but have certainly colored my worldview, as one would expect. I want to think that my friend will go to heaven and is in a better place, a place worthy of him but I simply cannot accept that. Of all the possibilities in the universe it is quite possible that a god and an afterlife exist and I hope this is the case for the sake of Alex. But my own views are troubling me if there is no god and no afterlife than the lose of Alex is far greater than it would be otherwise, this possibility is harder to accept then the previous but I fear it is the true one. We will never know what the truth is but I know I am not one to accept faith based purely on it self as proof. I hope I haven’t depressed you all but this was some of the stuff floating around in my head that I needed to express otherwise it would be eating at me. I don’t know what the truth is but there are so many unanswered questions so many doubts so much sadness. I do thank all of you for your concern it has truly touched me and I hope all of you that have or are going to pray for Alex continue to do so, you never know.
Edited by ic0n0 on --
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"I don't have the evidence to prove that God doesn't exist, but I so strongly suspect he doesn't that I don't want to waste my time." (Isaac Asimov)
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CatKnight
Jedi Republican
Group: Members
Posts: 3807
Joined: Dec. 2000
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Posted on: Jan. 28 2002,23:52 |
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I try not to get depressed. I don't have the time or energy to do so. The problem is while I'm at home I don't have anything to do except mope around and make small talk with relatives I've never met before. As soon as I get back to school, I'll have a ton of stuff to do, and life will get back to normal. I'd like to think that's the way my dad would have wanted, to get on with life and be happy.
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[url=http://www.personal.psu.edu/users/d/b/dbl125/dfa.jpg]If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful that you can possibly imagine.[/url]
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Anztac
Ronin
Group: Members
Posts: 1294
Joined: May 2000
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Posted on: Jan. 28 2002,23:54 |
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I'm afraid I don't know anything to say to cheer you up my friend... Just figure that Alex will finnally be decided on what religion to believe in, right?
I hope you cheer up man =/
Edited by Anztac on --
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~[b]Anztac[/b][ [i]All Who Grok are God[/i] ]
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Non
Angelheaded Hipster
Group: Members
Posts: 406
Joined: May 2001
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Posted on: Jan. 28 2002,23:58 |
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I'm too shallow to stay depressed for too long.
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I don't play well with others.
-=Non=-
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| Post Number: 5
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ic0n0
I have become Death, Destroyer of Worlds
Group: Members
Posts: 1352
Joined: Sep. 2000
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Posted on: Jan. 28 2002,23:59 |
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Anztac that would be the worst, he was an atheist.
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"I don't have the evidence to prove that God doesn't exist, but I so strongly suspect he doesn't that I don't want to waste my time." (Isaac Asimov)
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Anztac
Ronin
Group: Members
Posts: 1294
Joined: May 2000
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Posted on: Jan. 29 2002,00:21 |
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....oh, i'm sorry 
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~[b]Anztac[/b][ [i]All Who Grok are God[/i] ]
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damien_s_lucifer
Emperor of Detnet
Group: Members
Posts: 33
Joined: Jan. 1970
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Posted on: Jan. 29 2002,00:47 |
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ic0n0, everything you wrote are things I think about a lot as well. All that thinking finally led me to a modified form of Buddhism. I have my doubts about reincarnation, but I am with Buddha when he says that individual souls are temporary things. If that depresses you. remember that we are all a small piece of one very large, very permanent, very impressive thing, and we will eventually return to it.
In a very real sense, your friend has joined with everything and everywhere... he hasn't so much gone away as changed his mode of existence.
Contemplate this while looking at a picture of a galaxy, and you might see, as I do, that becoming part of THAT is way cooler than Heaven.
Hope this helps keep your spirits up.
Edited by damien_s_lucifer on --
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ic0n0
I have become Death, Destroyer of Worlds
Group: Members
Posts: 1352
Joined: Sep. 2000
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Posted on: Jan. 29 2002,01:49 |
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I do believe more of Buddhist philosophy, I can see nature at work and I see things die and things are born. That gives me hope, that when I am gone life will continue in one form or another. I am going to be cremated when I die and my ashes spread on a tree the thought of that makes me happy. Alex is being cremated after the funeral I am not sure where the ashes will go I am not sure but I hope they spread them over something he loved or a place he loved. Seeing life reborn is enough for me, I really have never needed to believe in god to make me complete. If ones faith determines one’s fate in the afterlife I think Alex would be reincarnated as a butterfly. No one ever expects the butterfly.
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"I don't have the evidence to prove that God doesn't exist, but I so strongly suspect he doesn't that I don't want to waste my time." (Isaac Asimov)
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| Post Number: 9
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editor
forum whore
Group: Members
Posts: 0
Joined: Jan. 2002
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Posted on: Jan. 29 2002,01:52 |
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damn, DSL is a tough act to follow.
I generally agree with his world view, although I have a sneaky suspicion that "enlightened" souls are permanent. What is enlightenment? I'm not sure, but if someone says they are, they're NOT.
Back to topic. Ic0n0, please accept that you may be too young to make life-changing choices right now. Please don't be rash, especially when your browser's stability has been shaken *hard* recently.
Your duty as a human is to ask questions; only humans have been granted that ability.
What is life? Is there a God? Why are we here? What is our purpose?
I think it was the painter Gaughin who made these questions popular. Guess what? There is no single answer to those, except for the God question. And I'm not telling.
To find your own personal answers, you have to live your life; what does that mean?
Activity, Desire, Questioning. Find or create a purpose for your life or you are lost. Your purpose is necessary to continue living; without it, you are a zombie walking around, doing what it's told, maintaining meaningless habits.
With a purpose, with Desire, with activity, you will be living Life to it's fullest. I promise you that.
What purpose, you ask? Answer; anything you like. That's why we are all born with different faces; different fingerprints; to remind us we are individuals. We are all similar, but never identical. I have twin brothers, and I've never had a problem telling them apart. We are all individuals with a different take on life. We were made that way on purpose.
Personally, I believe, but do not know this;
Every single person's experience and soul is recorded somewhere in the mind of the creator. Whether or not they all continue to exist in an afterlife is not known to me. I know that some do, but the percentage is low. I don't know for a fact that I will continue "my" conciousness after death.
I believe that you are extremely depressed just now, and you ARE questioning the big ideas. Questions are always good! Your recent experience and feelings of guilt may color your perception of the answers, however.
Guilt is a useless emotion. All it does is take away any joy of whatever experience you may be having. Guilt tells you that you are a piece of shit, and when you believe that, you ARE a piece of shit.
I can't make you believe or know, anything. I can advise you however, to take the high road on this. You can roll around in the negative emotions and have a pity party for years over this, or you can revel in the experience of having known Alex for some time and glory in the memory of having known him.
Some day, you are going to die. Some day, I will too, and so will every one you have ever met. Sucks? Yes! So what to do?
LIVE YOUR LIFE LIKE THERE IS NO TOMORROW.
Glory in the fact that you are here, now, and you are capable of acting, feeling and questioning.
Living like there is no tomorrow is not permission to go out and rob banks or stuff like that. You remember that there are people with blue suits and guns who will pursue you if you act without responsiblity.
Live freely and responsibly!
What is responsibility? Not obligations, as the world would have you believe.
RESPONSE-ABILITY is what it means.
Know that if you rob a bank, you may have to go to jail. If you accept that condition, rob away! That's responsibility.
I would rather that you just grieved the loss of your friend, admitted that you don't understand it, and glory in the fact that you are still here, now, and are able to adapt to situations and grow and question all that you see.
The one gift that Alex Shave left you in parting was this painful and wonderful experience of questioning your own existence. This is the time when you, Ic0n0, can choose to grow. Growing is almost always painful, so we avoid it. I know I do!
Admit to yourself that you don't know the big answers to the big questions. That is the first step in finding out what the answers ARE. Know that you don't know.
I'm sorry to say this, but by dying, Alex may have given you your own life to live. Please reflect on that before you toss it out. Read it again. Alex may have given you a shock big enough to wake you up to live!
If I were you I would use this experience. I wouldn't toss it out. USE it. Use it to your advantage, not disadvantage!
I'm told that the things that don't kill us, make us stronger.
I don't know if that's true, but I'm checking it out.
Lastly, DON'T BELIEVE ANYTHING I SAID. You have to experience these things to know that they are true. Check them out for yourself, and never take anyone's word for it, that's a ripoff.
The biggest gift you will ever have is *time*
Do you want to waste it?
*LIVE*
Edited by editor on --
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editor
forum whore
Group: Members
Posts: 0
Joined: Jan. 2002
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Posted on: Jan. 29 2002,02:04 |
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Now, read it again, but slowly.
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